So my boyfriend of over a year used to be a pothead when he was younger but quit - however he still likes to have a toke when we're around his friends who still do it. Which is all of them - and makes it all the more difficult for us not to be around it. He doesn't purchase it, or necessarily desire it .. he does it socially whenever it is around. I'm having a difficult time accepting this as I'm opposed to smoking. We've talked it over many times ... I have asked him not to do it around me because I do not like it but he feels I'm taking away a right he should have. Sometimes he'll go months without doing it - other times he'll do it once a week - usually never more than that. Its dependent on who we see when we go out. Its made me not interested in going out anymore because I don't want to see him smoking.
So I'm not looking for responses like "dump him" - I'm looking for an open-minded response - one that may help me learn to accept our differences.
2007-01-26 04:11:41 · 12 answers · asked by Sara B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Some of you guys are answering this question as if my boyfriend is a pothead. He never has weed in our house or in his possession for that matter. He is not dependent on it and only smokes it if his old friends are around. He's not addicted. Its not illegal in small amounts where I live. What I would like advice in is how do you learn to cope with differences like this? Should I stop hanging out with his friends - try and distance myself from the activity? Should we try and find friends who don't need pot?
He wants me to have an open mind about the issue. To not freak out if he has a toke once in a while. Smoking is something he believes is okay in moderation. I've always stayed away from the stoner scene. He confided in me that he's grown out of that himself - but having a few times a month is okay by him.
How do I get over this for both our sakes?
2007-01-26 04:43:40 · update #1
Not sure if you'll like my answer ... but you asked for an open-minded response ... !
I've been around pot my whole life ... great grandpas, uncles, cousins - brothers ... etc ... all smoke ... they have great jobs, great families, nice houses - nice cars ... they enjoy life to the fullest ... and pot has never gotten in the way of it ... they don't use any hard core drugs .. they're not lazy or walking around without pants because they keep " forgetting " ... we all ride dirt bikes, go camping - work normal jobs - take care of our responsibilities just like everyone else - in fact I know we do it a lot better than most families ... but that's just my pride coming out ... lol ... !
I'm not sure what part you don't like about him smoking - the way he acts, the actual smoke, it's illegal - not very acceptable with most people since it can get you in trouble ... unhealthy ... etc ... you can do some research on-line and give him some pros and cons - he's not buying it ... he's not selling it ... those are the main ones that will get him in trouble ... and he isn't abusing the drug ... sounds as though he can handle things and still smoke.
You have to ask yourself if it's that big of an issue ... sit him down and really come up with an answer ... talk to him when you both are happy and calm ... tell him the reasons you don't like him smoking - some things he can do to help - some things you will do to accept his habit - and ask if there's anything he wants you to work on - knowing we're all not perfect ... make sure his smoking gets taken care of first before you start any other subjects ... it becomes a problem when neither one of you are willing to make any compromises and gives the person an ultimatum - which always sucks ... sounds like you have your head on straight and you know what you want ... he knows what he enjoys too ... if that means a few tokes here and there a week, month, year so be it .. good luck with whatever happens ... hope I opened your eyes a little on the subject ... !
2007-01-26 05:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Yes a compromise is needed. Obviously you care about him a lot. You could tell him that if he does it, you do not want to be around. You can plan evenings out where he won't be pressured into doing it. I know it is hard. I have to deal with the same issue daily. I don't want to give him an ultimatum, I love him. So I just let him do his thing, nag every once in a while, and most times just let it go. I just don't want to see it. A lot of people do it and you feel pressured into doing it just to "fit in". I would just say to him that you never want to see him doing it and want some time alone with him without the chance of him smoking it. He gets what he wants and so do you. I wish you lots of luck and be thankful he is not a full blown pothead. I hope it works.
2007-01-26 04:52:45 · answer #2 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you seem to be open to resolving this situation, it seems as though the best answer would be a compromise. Obviously, he knows that his habit bothers you, so maybe he should only smoke recreationally when you are not around.
Additionally, so you should ask yourself why this bothers you so much? Is it b/c weed is illegal? Or b/c of the way his behavior changes when he smokes? Or are you afraid that he will go back to being a pothead? ... Discuss these worries w/ him. And if you two are willing to compromise, I'm sure the problem can be resolved.
2007-01-26 04:26:11 · answer #3 · answered by whattodo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you should count you blessings that all he does is smoke a little here and there. Pot is not like most drugs I smoked it for 12 years and gave it up like it was nothing at all. Pot is not like alcohol is doesn't hinder you much like the other drugs and the alcohol that is actually legal. So if it is not totally getting in the way and he is keeping it social I would let him be he will only resent you if you nag him about it, hey sometimes it can be fun to sit and watch how stupid people act when their high. so sit back and relax and let him do what he wants but if he starts to experiment with other drugs i would have to say go ahead and dump him cause those are not to be fooled around with. Good luck hope it helps.
2007-01-26 04:24:31 · answer #4 · answered by littlereddragon 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Obviously he is addicted and he will never quite but these are times were it is very difficult and I think breaking up is really the best thing you don't need someone smoking that stuff around you and it also makes you look bad because people can smell it off of your clothes and I think you should try and find the right man that you deserve.
2007-01-26 04:20:59 · answer #5 · answered by scottsmith20 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is a tough subject... I have been exactly where you are with my ex... (we are not ex's because of the smoking but it did go into that decision in a round about way...) he prefered smoking and drinking sometimes than doing anything... I asked him not to do it around me because of my breathing issues and most of the time he listened to me... but then it got to the point that he was hidding it from me (even tho he didnt need to) then he started hiding other things as well... (not saying that your boy is) but I just urge you to be carefull I am not telling you that you should leave him, but is he making you happy anymore.. I dont mean like making you smile every once in a while... but really honeslty happy... so happy that if you hear his name you cant help but have happy thoughts... its just something to think about...
hope this helped a bit...
2007-01-26 04:33:57 · answer #6 · answered by Sidney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN *****!!!! U SHOULD AT LEST BE THANKFUL THAT UR "MAN" DOESNT GET HIGH EVERDAY!!!! IF THAT WERE THE CASE THEN THATS A DIFFERENT STORY OF COURSE HE IS GOING 2 CRAVE IT COME ON KNOW.... IF U DID IT U WOULD UNDERSTAND HIM AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT HE LIKES TO TOKE IT & I GIVE A HI-5 4 THAT BUT IF U REALLY LOVE HIM THEN Y R U GOING 2 LEAVE HIM? SINCE U DONT BLAZE IT THEN ITS HARD 4 U 2 UNDERSTAND!!!!! SO ITS UP 2 U. WHATEVER U WANT 2 DO IS IN UR HANDS THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
2007-01-26 04:23:49 · answer #7 · answered by Dreamer 02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
On the bright side: you don't have to worry about him progressing far in life, or having much ambition, so if you like your life the way it is, you'll feel comfortable. You'll probably have to pay all his bills-- he'll never be able to get a decent job because he'll fail all the drug tests.
Pot quadruples the chance of heart attack, so if he keels over call 911.
He won't have the motivation to leave you as long as you tolerate his drugs and give him sex -- though he won't be able to get it up for too much longer (and the pot will kill his sexual desire, so you won't need to worry about him cheating.) Marijuana is his other "girlfriend" so at least you know about his true love.
Possession of marijuana is a criminal offense, so when you're with him, just make sure he has less than 30 grams so you won't be charged with a felony and go to jail for 5 years. Practice saying "Officer, it's not mine, it's my boyfriend's!"
His memory will be mush, so you'll need to handle just about everything. When he says "I forgot" he means it- accept it.
If you want to have children with, his sperm could be damaged so your baby might be mentally impaired or deformed.
Have a nice life!
2007-01-26 04:33:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
as a girl.. i am a smoker .. i tend to nearly every day..
um.. i dont see the problem with it really.. i don't see it being any different then having a beer every day..
sure it maybe illegal in the eyes of the police.. but it doesn't really do any harm.. its relaxing.. its helpful for people who have cancer and other dieases..
so yeah let him it do it occassionly just ask him to not do it when your around
as to what that violet pearl chick said.. she obviously doesn't know very much about pot at all.. myself as well of several of my friends are all smokers.. (pretty well every day).. we all hold down great jobs.. we make fairly good money we dont' struggle very much at all.. were all quite smart.. and we are responsible .. we get our bills paid on time..
so not all pot heads are irresponsible losers
2007-01-26 04:36:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell him the truth about smoking pot. It does indeed have long term adverse effects. It can alter his chromosomes and that can be passed through to his children and/or grandchildren, resulting in some horrible birth defects. That should clear his mind. If it does not, he is not "boyfriend" material.
And, littleredragon is way wrong on his views about pot. He may speak from his single experience but I speak from studying it and seeing its effects on long term users.
2007-01-26 04:22:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋