My girlfriend and I have NOTHING to talk about?

Question

I desperately need help. I am such an introverted, shy person, and I have so much trouble opening up to my girlfriend. We have long silences and there doesn't seem to be much passion in our relationship. I love her so much. I love her daughter also. I don't want to break up with her. I want to feel close, but I am constantly second-guessing myself. We are just so boring together. I've talked to her about our situation, and I told her that I don't know how she can be with someone who is such a bump on a log. She says that she doesn't mind, but the fact of the matter is that we just don't have much fun together. She has a disability, so we can't go on long walks, etc like many couples. A lot of times we just sit in front of the TV. I feel close to her, but at the same time, I feel like something is missing. I DO NOT want to break up with her, but at the same time, I want to make her happy. If I can't make her happy, it's unfair to stay with her, right? We've been together for 8 mths.

Answer 1

is she says she happy then you are worrying over nothing, ask if she's happy. If both of you are then there's nothing wrong

Answer 2

She has said she doesn't mind the way your relationship is so clearly you are making her happy. It seems to me that if you love her and she clearly has feelings for you breaking up with her would be very unfair. If you are in a couple you don't need to be talking all the time. Being comfortable with the silence is part of being together. if you are getting bored with staying in watching TV then change your indoor activities. You say she has a daughter, why not play board games or do jigsaw puzzles together. I get a lot of pleasure doing jigsaws with my parents and I'm 42! My daughter and her boyfriend take it in turns to read to each other. Activities like this will create communication without the need to feel that you have to open up and reveal your innermost self to her. That'll happen when it happens. 8 months really isn't long to get to know somebody after all.

I think you are just worrying too much. Relax a bit, you'll be fine together.

It seems you've just got into a habit, change it, it's not hard.

Answer 3

Were you feeling like this 8 months ago? If so you should have not let it go on this long. Now if you were not feeling this way in the beginning its time to find out when and why this silence stopped. And if there was fun in the beginning. Where did that go? And why can't you go for a long walk. You have your hands to wheel her right? Well something is missing your right. Only you can do something about it. You said you want to make her happy, but yet you said she doesn't mind. I think your looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship. If you love her and you can see the two of you together until you both reach 60yrs of age, and you are not ashamed to take her out in public, then shut off that t.v. and the both of you get out and enjoy life together.
Good luck with your decision.

Answer 4

You can't control what other people do or how they feel. You can only control what you do, and to some extent how you feel.

You can't "make your girlfriend happy", although it's good of you to be concerned. She has a responsibility to tell you if she's dissatisfied or has needs that aren't getting met in the relationship.

It sounds like there are some things you need out of a relationship - passion, a sense of connection, fun. It also sounds like your needs aren't quite getting met. Why not concentrate on figuring out how you can get what you need out of the relationship first, then worry about the breaking up issue later? It may be that that process will make it a little clearer to you what you need to do.

By the way - there's not a darned thing wrong with being shy or introverted. There are a lot of folks like that out there. The fact that long silences feel uncomfortable to you make me wonder if you're not as introverted as you think, though.

That leads me to my next thought: why don't the two of you start by taking a Myers-Briggs personality type test? All that does is sort people out into different categories, but it can really be illuminating. As in "Oh, he finds his energy sapped by going to parties while it really revs me up." Or "oh, she mades decisions more based on intuition than a reasoning process". You may find that quite different things make the two of you uncomfortable. I'm putting a link to a short online test below.

Best of luck -

Answer 5

Both of you could join a club, do some volunteer
work for a community event. Help out at a public
library. Both of you need to interact with other
people. It is possible to do this as a couple. Read
a book together. Take some art classes. There is so much you both can do besides just sitting on the couch and watch t.v.. Get into gardening and plant
some seeds and nurture them. Make a journal and
document the plant's developement by taking pictures. That way you can involve the child and
educate her as well. How about going for a drive and watching a sunset together?

Answer 6

She may love having a guy that will sit quietly with her. Many guys talk too much and assume that they are interesting, myself included. It sounds like you are really the one that is bored. Try board games. There are lots of card games available that help a person open up, especially around Valentine season.
Come up with a non-verbal signal that says, "I appreciate you." It could just be a little pinch on the earlobe, or saying it in sign language.
You cannot "make someone happy". They need to make themselves happy and you may be a part of that, but it is totally her responsibility to be happy.
There are lots of books out there about relationships. See if there is one that includes open ended questions that will lead to better conversations. Keep in mind that with a daughter and disability she will spend a lot of time thinking about daily needs. If you can help with the chores (without intruding) it is a great way to say, "I love you."

Answer 7

True it is unfair to you to stay with her if you can not make her happy and vice versa. Personally I couldn't be in a relationship where there was no communication or conversation. If I wanted to sit in front of a TV with long silences I'd sit alone, no offense. I stayed once many years ago with a man that I really had nothing to talk to him about but I stayed because I was afraid of change. If the two of you can not enjoy one anothers company, have conversation and make one another happy it is time to move on.

Answer 8

If you "both" love each other then let me suggest you merely increase both of your interests individually and together. For instance why not play scrabble or cards, or learn different games together, put together a puzzle, make new meals together, go to see sports or music, or go to the movies together, sing old songs, talk about past memories and build on them, make plans together and work toward the goals, take some courses together, start a business together, do research on the internet on things that interest you both and then discuss them (stick them up on the wall if they are significant finds). Watch fun things on tv or bring home movies for her to see, make some popcorn or tacos and watch the movies together. Being disabled does not mean she's not able. She can do most things you can do, and the rest she can do in her own way. Take a speaking course (or do it among yourselves), pick topics and research them then tell the other person what you learned. Create cards for each other on the net. Try (whether you can or not) to create poems. Go for a walk/ride to the mall. Take her to the perfume counter and try different fragrances. Buy her some bubble bath and candles. Watch historic, geographic or ancient things on tv and discuss them. Or travel on the weekends. All women love to shop. Re-do a room. Build something together whether it's making crafts or furniture, or making t-shirts transfers and put that on a t-shirt (and say something kewl on there).

Answer 9

If you REALLY love her, show her. Get physical. Get tactical. Do SOMEthing that shows your care. Write a poem about her. Make a wreath. Do something.

A relationship takes effort. Something cannot spontaneously erupt from a lack of interest. If you are truly as introverted as you say you are, you wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

Do you make her happy? Ask her! You might think you have nothing to talk about, but it sounds like you have a lot on your mind. Talk about it. Open up. A new world is waiting for you.

Answer 10

Love is all about Risking yourself and your heart and trusting that person enough to make yourself vulnerable. Take a chance with this woman you love! What are you afraid of? If anything I bet you'll both be so glad you did and it will bring you closer together. Love is about intimacy. Let go of your fear......there's nothing to be afraid of. If you have a hard time speaking - write her beautiful letters. It works just as well. I do it with my husband if I find myself getting tongue-tied or don't know what to say or how to say it. Somehow it helps to "see" your thoughts written down. I say go for it!

PS There is a great book out there called "The Five Love Languages", author's name is Chapman. I recommend it to anyone in a relationship. Very insightful.

Answer 11

First of all, please don't try to twist things around on her. She told you she was fine with the way things are in your relationship, so making her happy shouldn't be your goal. YOU are the one who's unhappy b/c you are so bored with your relationship.

Try suggesting that you guys do fun activities together that she would be able to do and enjoy. Also, do things together as a family. Go to the movies every now and then.

Also, it would help to do things that YOU enjoy doing. You don't always have to do things with her and her daughter. If you have friends, hang out with them sometimes. Your gf doesn't have to do things that you like to do, and vice versa.