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he was not in toutch with your feelings anymore, he bored you or maybe you just found something new and exciting, for whatever reason you went to see your divorce lawyer and after a few weeks or months it is all over. The judge told him to leave the modest house he is still paying mortgage for which he now traded for a tiny appartment in the bad part of town, while you still reside in it, recieving alimony and child support. You won he lost, in short standard procedure for about half of all men who signed a marriage contract.
How do you feel about the fact that one day your sweet boy(s) might grow up and marry and end up divorced and just as miserabel as your ex ? You do not care ?
Do you tell them to never marry ?
you dont want them to leave you in the first place ?
you hope they will find a woman who is better than you are ?
do you preach to them that a marriage is all about a womans needs and to forget what they want and to do whatever it takes to keep her from cashing out ?

2007-01-26 03:56:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science Gender Studies

Twigg I dont have any lack of motivation Iam successfull I just cant see any incentive for marriage.

Luckygirl of course the kids are not going to be happy in the marriage if you keep beeing an hysterical b+tch to justifiy your planned divorce somehow that will result in a lot of $$ for you.

temptressmember you left your husband and took the kids with you. I do not see how that went the other way around, unless you assume money is everything to me.

Gymfreak it is very generous of you not to take money from a man WHO IS IN DEBT and therefore prolly has nothing to take in the first place. Guess you did not feel like having sex with a man in the red, might that be why he cheated on you ?

2007-01-26 04:26:19 · update #1

Twigg I dont have any lack of motivation Iam successfull I just cant see any incentive for marriage.

Luckygirl of course the kids are not going to be happy in the marriage if you keep beeing an hysterical b+tch to justifiy your planned divorce somehow that will result in a lot of $$ for you.

temptressmember you left your husband and took the kids with you. I do not see how that went the other way around, unless you assume money is everything to me.

Gymfreak it is very generous of you not to take money from a man WHO IS IN DEBT and therefore prolly has nothing to take in the first place. Guess you did not feel like having sex with a man in the red, might that be why he cheated on you ?

2007-01-26 04:26:21 · update #2

farien3 I did not divorce. Yes ALL divorces are the same because they are executed according to the law which should be the same for everybody. Its like trying to justify stoning. They might be different for a man if he marries a woman which makes more than he does, but there is a reason women run up the hill when they find out he makes less than her.
Not women are cruel peopel are cruel if given the chance, women have been given the legal power to decieve, steal and impunity for their ill behaviour. In Saudi Arabia on the other hand are laws that are cruel against women, but we do not tell those women to just accept their system and that not all men are as cruel as Saudi man X and that therefore their system is justifiable we tell them that their system is not fair torwards them and that we would be happy to see change.

2007-01-26 05:27:09 · update #3

If a man does not think its a good idea to put his name under a contract that basically says all his stuff is yours he needs counseling o.O ?

2007-01-26 08:42:19 · update #4

14 answers

Your are going to be spending a lot of Time if you respond over and over to each poster. This is not a debate forum - hence the name.

I was deserted by my husband while I was pregnant and raised my son by myself. I never put my husband down and answered my son's Qs honestly (without casting aspersions on his father). He was raised to respect the family and to be responsible for his actions. He decided he would not take chances; he has used a condom for many years. He's 24 now and does not want children until he's in a position to provide for them.

Your anger is misplaced. You are angry at one woman and yet, you have the temerity to take it out on all of us? Boo. Hiss.

2007-01-26 15:40:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

What I think may not matter for I had a really hard time with the marriage ... I was the slave and he the master so there is a difference in what I had to live with compared to maybe what you did. All in all I try to tell the boys that a woman and man have to work at a marriage to keep it together. It takes a great deal of work to make things happen and discussions and quality time are a must to maintain a marriage. There are so many good points in marriage that I can't compare it to what mine was like
I have two boys and I have a girl and I like to think on a more positive. If they ask me I tell them what I think depending on the circumstance. Not sure what will come up in the future but eventually they will leave and will become attached to someone.
Truth is always the best I find.

I hope that it is anyhow.
I hope that they find someone great and they stay married forever
I hope that it works for them instead of me. we can only pray that they have a better life.
I hope so

2007-01-26 04:28:40 · answer #2 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0 0

Get some counseling. Not all women are like this. When I divorced my husband, he cheated by the way, I left and asked for nothing. I found my own place to live and took one of the vehicles, the one we owed more money on. I agreed in the divorce settlement to allow him to take the children on his taxes for 2 years and then start alternating all so he could get out of debt. I have never denied him seeing the kids and we have agreed not to bad mouth each other, which I have held true too and he has not. I know this because it confuses my boys (2). They come to me and ask why daddy says mean things about mom when mom always praises what a great dad he is. And he is. Also he has since remarried yet I am still the wicked witch for leaving him, so it can go both ways. Grow up move on and make what you can out of your life. Life is way too short to be miserable, find some happiness. Good luck to you and your future.

2007-01-26 04:07:53 · answer #3 · answered by gymfreak 5 · 1 1

Wow.
To give you the flip side of the coin-
I left my husband, left him the house and everything in it. I didn't want everything in the boys lives to change. At least they would still have one home. We moved into a crappy low income apartment. They took turns sleeping on little foam chairs that turned into beds. We had patio furniture and milk crates for a tv stand. You do what you have to do to be happy. 1 year later I bought a real house with real furniture. I am now remarried and have a new family as well. I hope I taught my children that their self worth and happiness are more important that possessions and money.

2007-01-26 04:07:48 · answer #4 · answered by his temptress 5 · 2 0

Your questions (and rebuttals) need to find their way into a therapist's notebook. You're in as much danger of ruining your boys' lives as you THINK your ex is. They need you to have a clear head NOW more than EVER, and I just don't see that here.

You're trying to make it sound like you are concerned for your boys' futures...when it actually sounds like you're wallowing in your own bitterness. I AM a divorced women with a son who hasn't seen his father more than 6 times in 10 years (the father's choice). His father has always been furious at me for leaving him, and has consequently taken it out on his kids...which is what YOU will end up doing if you don't get your head cleared of this mess. My son is now 23 and hates his father; my daughter is 20 and considers her father pretty much a non-entity. HE did that...I didn't.

2007-01-26 16:30:50 · answer #5 · answered by LolaCorolla 7 · 0 0

Well first off i want to say that your kids are not going to be happy in their family if their mom and dad dont get along and do stay together...proven....I would care what my kids grew up to be no matter what went on with my life....You dont tell your kids to never marry you want tthem to find out and experience what life is and hurt on their own if they do go through it but maybe they wont....i would hope they would find a woman who will make them truly happy no matter if she is better than me are not...why would that matter....and last no a marriage is not all about a womans needs it is about a couples needs not one you can not have a successful marriage if you think like that...men should be pampered and such just as a woman in a marriage it does not matter the gender we all have feelings and we all want someone to love us for who we are not for what we are so i would say to tell your boys to just keep there head up and dont let past experiences with their parents ruin theirs

2007-01-26 04:03:45 · answer #6 · answered by LUCKYGIRL 3 · 1 1

My children are all grown and gone. I don't try to sway them one way or the other-marriage or don't ever marry. In fact, one of my kids married then got a divorce. I saw it coming, but the child has to live a life for himself. Thats how we learned; not by our parents or someone close to us telling us marriage will only end up in divorce. Marriage is sort of not realistic anymore, but it is not all about a womans needs either. I worked all through my marriage so did he, we really tried but we only lasted a few years. In actuality, he filed for divorce not me.

2007-01-27 18:14:02 · answer #7 · answered by Terry Z 4 · 0 0

You worry because one day those boys are gonna grow up and see how you took advantage of the system and hurt thier father and then you'll see what kind of relationship you have with them, if any.
You can tell your kids not to marry or that a womans needs are everything and thiers are nothing (you really wanna do that?), but they have minds of thier own. Anything negative is gonna effect them. Dont be the reason they are gonna have to seek out therapy.

2007-01-26 04:10:51 · answer #8 · answered by JC 7 · 2 1

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2016-12-12 20:47:45 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

This isn't the first time you've posted about how horrible it is for men who get divorced and how cruel women are who divorce men and how marriage sucks. It's clear you're experienced in this regard and consider your own case to be commonplace and clear that you're very bitter about it.

Please consider that your own experience notwithstanding, not EVERY divorce is as you describe it, and therefore the situation you set up in your question is not applicable in a general way. If you're actually trying to learn something as opposed to just attempting to get your particular message out about the evils of marriage, then consider that your point of view is not neccessarily the only point of view. Otherwise, keep up the angry diatribes and keep spinning your bitter wheels.

2007-01-26 05:04:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 2

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