Should I be with him or not?

Question

me and my boyfriend has been going out for 4 yrs and we have a 4 month girl and for the sake of the child I think that she should grow up in the household with 2 parents because I never had that second parent in my life,do you think that we should be together for the child

Answer 1

never ever stay with anyone because of a child..you aren't doing her any favors by being un-happy. kids are smart and can sense things like that.. your baby is only 4 months old so she can't tell yet, but before long she will be able to...i think you should sit down and really think about this, but don't stay with him just because of your daughter, because when your happy,she'll be happy. good luck and keep us updated.

Answer 2

No, you may think you will be doing the best for the child, but jumping into things is never a good idea. I married my husband when our daughter was 5 months old. He wasn't around for the pregnancy and the first 3 1/2 months of our daughter's life because he was doing drugs and I told him to stay away from me until he stopped. So he stopped finally and said he was going to join the army. We got married, and now our daughter is 11 months and he's a total jerk - has an anger and drinking problem and is leaving for Iraq in april. Chances are if he doesn't change when he gets back I will have to file for divorce because I'm afraid if he doesn't get help he will hit me someday. Best thing you can do is stay single, be a good parent, and don't get stuck in a potentially bad situation. I feel horrible for making the decision I did. I'm a good parent, but I feel like I was a better parent when my husband and I weren't together. Now I have to do damage control all the time because he can't control his anger.

Answer 3

First, I think you should go back to school, and learn to write English. ("My boyfriend and I have been.....") If you are college material, get that degree... otherwise, get into a training program where you will always be able to earn a good living, and support yourself and your child in a fashion above poverty.....

Now I'll try to make it real for you......refrain from having any more children you will likely not be able to support well. that's what bc pills are for.

As you have found, children are not bonding, they are divisive. Into your loving relationship is now this demanding child, who vomits in the bed, screams for no reason, has colic for days on end, and requires all of your attention, and tho your bf hasn't said so, your attentions are on this child and not on him.... And unless you two get some help, he will be gone before the next five years are up....so hint, don't have another child yet.... (it's a predictable pattern, sweetie for young parents who have babies before their relationship is truly solid, and ready for the trauma of a child.... clearly your relationship was not solid enough, since your relationship is traumatized....both of you are about to bail.)

You didn't have that second parent in your life, and you are insuring that you will be following this pattern.... common.. We all believe the way we were raised was at least partially normal.

You asked if you should stay with him or not. You may have no choice.... he may be leaving you...young fathers say about 5 years.....ask any counselor. Get a few session of counseling to see if your relationship can be saved... and what you and he can do to save it, if it is indeed salvageable.... best money you will ever spend

Answer 4

What ever you do, you have to do what is in the best interest of the child. I know many people who stay together for the kids, and on a very low percentage, it does work, but not usually. I do understand the need for the child to grow up with both parents, but both parents have to put their heart, soul and mind into doing this, or it will not work. Good Luck and God Bless, and make the right choice, for the child not for you or him.

Answer 5

No, not if you don't love one another. She will feel it, the anxiety, the tenseness, the fighting.
You can both be good parents in separate dwellings. Do not stay in a relationship for the child's sake, that is not right. She might be better off without the second parent in the long run, depending on who they are as a person, whether they are mature or responsible.
Get your own place...

Answer 6

Sweetie, do what is best for you and your child. I went thru the same thing 8 yrs ago. I wanted my daughter to have two parents in the house, because that is what I had as a child. I was miserable and things didn't get better, we went our seperate ways. Any time your daughter's father wants to come visit or take his child for the weekend, let him. You can be cool with the father, but make sure he knows that he still has a responsibilty to take care of.

Answer 7

If the two of you are showing love and respect for one another,then it's good,if the relationship is unhealthy for you then it's toxic for a child.Most children prefer to have both parents and expect to have them under the same roof,but adults don't seem to remember this when they decide to marry,have kids,then divorce.You always must create a peaceful environment for the child if a peaceful child is what you want.Growing up in a home with tension isn't a pleasant home for adults and kids are way more honest about a situation that's going on at home than we.Until we teach them to lie and cover up.

Answer 8

I don't understand.Do you guys fight very often?If yes, then you should do best for yourself, then your child would come later.There is no disputing the fact that it is good for a child to grow up in an environment with with both father and mother but the problem here is that WOULD THE CHILD EXPERIENCE LOVE IN THAT HOME? With many fights , the child would still not grow up in a loving atmosphere hence she would be imbalance.I think the best option for you two is to endeavour to live in peace if not i think you should not stay withyour man.Move out, try to create a warm loving environment for your child ,then the child would obvioulsy try to see the father time aftre time then she'll be balanced rather than having to see you two fight all the time in the same house. Just try which one is good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

This is idea that many parents have, but hardly ever works out. In the long run, they end up causing more emotional damage to the child - arguements, seperations, divorce, custody battles, etc. Besides, do you really want to be in a loveless marriage/relationship? If you're happy - then you can provide a loving enviornment for your child and she'll be happy too.

Answer 10

Only if you have a stable relationship between the two of you. People who stay together solely for the sake of the children end up doing more damage to the child.

Answer 11

I believe that if you and you're boyfriend get along great, why not? If not, you child doesn't need to see the fighting. You're child will grow up with anger issues, trust issues and I know that you certainly don't want that.

If you're child is a girl, then she will think fighting and crying is love.

If you're child is a boy, then he will think that being mean and abusive is the way to show a girl you care.

Either way you're child will grow up with so many insercurities!! Take it from an adult, that was once that child.