My mom is living in a horrible house...?

Question

She owns a roughly 40-y/o mobile home on a 13-acre lot that has been falling apart for years. Many appliances and fixtures don't work, and it's cluttered from deceased family members' possessions. I have respected her wishes to let her process all the stuff alone, but now she's having health issues; besides, I'm weary of seeing her being dragged down by the condition of the place, whether or not she'll admit to it! I will have to address it sooner or later anyway, as her next of kin. Neither of us has the money to stick a new house on the lot, what with all the attendant expenses of doing so. Does anyone have an idea how I can step in and make her surroundings an actual home, without riding roughshod over her and with no financial backup? Thanks...

Answer 1

My ex-girlfriend has the EXACT same problem with her Dad. Her and her siblings have talked to her Dad until they were blue in the face... but to no avail.

It appears that many of the older folks are a headstrong bunch....and it seems all we can do is reason with them as best we can...and then respect their wishes and try to make them as comfortable as possible in the home that they are in....and sometimes thats not easy! His house is literally coming down around his ears and it's filled with junk and dead family members possessions that he can't/won't part with.

Just make sure that the home is clean, the roof doesn't leak....that he/she has food in the fridge....and heat and A/C...visit them as often as you can...(it seems that having no one visiting them is the chief complaint of many elders)...make sure that they know that they're loved...and make sure that they have proper medical care.

Maybe you can plant her a small vegetable garden or a flower garden,...(depending on her health)....that she can tend. Nothing says "home" more than things you've grown on your own soil, and you'll cherish the memories of the two of you in her garden forever.

I wish that I could be of more help....but all I can do is to wish you the best with Mom. In your situation...you're are in a club with a LOT of members.

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Answer 2

Have you tried talking to her and telling her how concerned you are about her and her health? It sounds like neither of you have a ton of money to spend, so she certainly doesn't need more medical bills. Perhaps if you pitch the idea of selling a little of the land to improve her living circumstances (great suggestion!) from the concerned point of view, she'll see that you really want to help her, not run her life for her, which is a huge insecurity of many aging parents. Make it clear that she's still free to live her life and deal with the dead people stuff as she sees fit, but that you just want to help improve the situation in which she does that.

Be aware, though, that even if you get her all set up in a new home (or even a really swank 10-year-old double wide), that she is still in control of her life until she relinquishes it, and you may find her in the same position a few years down the road because she doesn't have the same standards for the condition of her home as you do.

I wish you much patience and luck!

Answer 3

The first thing I'd ask is this; are you truly without -any- financial backing to put something better on the lot? For relatively small cost it should be possible for you to place a pre-fabricated house on the lot. Failing that, you can construct a barn with a built-in apartment for roughly around $25,000 provided you're willing to act as your own general contractor.

Otherwise, the only thing I can suggest is that you look into subdividing the lot and selling off building lots from the total in order to fund a house.

Before you subdivide, you need to know the following things. How is the lot zoned? In many areas, an Ag/Ranch zoned lot won't allow you to subdivide into parcels of smaller than 20 acres (Depends on where you are of course, but 20 is average). You need to know just how many subdivisions you can get away with. A good lot size is 1-2 acres for sale of a building lot, but you need to have road frontage adequate to do this.

It also matters to know the value of the lot before you start. You don't need to have an inspector come out, just look around in the area for similar lots that are for slae and see what pricing looks like. In many cases, you'll find that you would sell a 5 acre parcel for roughly the same price as you would sell a 2 acre parcel.

Answer 4

I am a keeper. A sorter. A saver. I get your mom. There was a man on CBS early show not long ago who was describing people with our affliction. He said there are memory savers and I might need that later savers. I, of course was both. I am working on it and so can she, you just have to nudge her. The whole thing is probably overwhelming. Try and help her with specific small projects. A little at a time. Make 3 piles, keep, pitch and give away. If she doesn't have the money for a new house now, chances are she won't ever. So, reality is, she needs to keep what can go neatly in her house. Maybe she could sell some things and fix up what she does have. I am sure she is embarrassed and ashamed and doesn't want to impose on anyone for help but if you could get one small project done, she will probably get on board!

Answer 5

i'm beneficial there are various human beings on your same undertaking. i comprehend the form you experience. i'm going interior the direction of a similar concern and all you're able to do is pass in with a relative and artwork and save up some funds to place a down fee (deposit) on your guy or woman condominium) I had a mom and a Dad purely like yours and that i moved out whilst i became 17 with a acquaintances family contributors. I purely went away for 6 months, even though it helped me understand a large style of issues. I grew up lots, it made me better!( I have been given an condominium with a pal after that)

Answer 6

I think it might be worth it to hire someone to come in and organize the things she has in the house. Anything she's not using could be stored in a mini-warehouse and she would still know it's safe and where she can get to it. Just having her living quarters clean and orderly will make her (and you) feel much better. There are companies that will organize your belongings and also haul off anything you don't want.

Also, it may be worthwhile selling off some of the acreage around her home so she'll have some ready cash for necessities.

Answer 7

my gramma was the same way and my mom did everything she could but gramma would not listen. she didnt have running water she went and drew water from a well. she had the money to but would not put a mobile or any thing not even septic or water just her dirty broken down shake and cats. well one day the city came due to the complaints of neighbors and halled gramma to a nursing home. there she died 6 months later but with clean hair clean skin baths and good food and people around her of course she was mad as he - - at first but once she got used to running water bathes tv and hot food she settled right in. the shack was burnt down by city it was so awful and well turn out was contaminated cuz gramma threw the cats that died into it and the trash was piled all over so it was buldozed, the land and is now an empty lot

Answer 8

is there family she can live with? how old is she? is it so run down it should be legally evicted and considered dangerous? i would do whatever you can, go in there, clean it all up, try and repair what you can, or just sell the damn thing and have her move into a small crappy apt. it would have a stove and stuff at least and most likey be a lot better than what she has now, and maybe she can get some government assitance. good luck tho, im sorry to hear that.

Answer 9

The first answer was really good...only I say sell land and get her another mobile home. Doesn't even have to be a new one. As for the deceased person's things, show up with boxes and help her sort things for donation and take them there.She might just need a little push to get started with that.

Answer 10

If you can maybe sell some of the 13 acres to raise the money to get her a new house. Just an idea.