How do I get him back?

Question

My soon to be exhusband and I have been together for 4 and a half years. We have a beautiful baby girl. Well 5 months ago he decided he wanted me to go back home with my parents. He said we needed space and since he has been talking to his ex fiancee. We have had a lot of problems over the last year. He told me that he is willing to give her a chance but not me. I want him back and I dont know how to get him back. Please help.

Answer 1

I think you should change your perspective. Your husband obviously has no respect for you or your marriage. The vows were meant to last forever, not just until something better came along. I think the best thing you can do is learn to respect yourself. You deserve better than being in second place in your man's life. I think you should distance yourself. Don't contact him. Let him contact you. I know it's difficult but you are showing your lack of self respect by letting him know you want to work it out with him when he is being so selfish and careless. Change your perspective. Could you trust him again if you did get back together? Really? I know you have a family together, which makes it seem that there's a good reason to be together. Maybe you think if you ride it out, he'll be back and ever so grateful you waited on him. I can't say with 100% certainty, but I'd be willing to bet that he wouldn't be as grateful as he should be, and since he has already strayed, even if only in his heart, there is a good chance that he'd do it again. Back out for a while and give yourself some time to really think and reflect on the quality of your relationship together. Think about what qualities you feel are necessary in a good relationship and what is absolutely not allowable in a good relationship. Did your relationship with hubby measure up? Obviously, cheating (even if only in heart) should be considered not allowable. It's dishonest and at the very least breaks the trust, which is absolutely necessary. Only you know what's right for you, but instead of seeing yourself as the loser, see this as an opportunity to reflect and learn your lessons, from your own mistakes and the mistakes that were made against you. Vow to respect yourself more. Give yourself a chance to see the reality of what's happening. Face the truth. Respect yourself and don't settle for that. If you respect yourself enough to back down, he will at the very least respect you for that, and you will also gain more self esteem for doing what maybe hurts but what feels right inside to you. If he really loves you, he'll be back. I believe that taking a break from him is the only possible way, if there is any way, to get him back. Don't make yourself too available or too willing to work things out though. Remember, he did you wrong. He could do it again. You may even find, after you've had time to heal and gain your perspective back, that you don't want him back again. You don't have to settle. Your values do count, and if he doesn't appreciate them, there is someone with similar values who will. I know it's not what you want to know right now. Know that this isn't your last chance at love. There is nothing so wrong with you that you can't have a decent relationship. It just starts with self respect. I hope that this helps. I hope and believe that you can and will (if you try) come through this and be a better person inside for yourself than before. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think the best thing you can do is to actually give him space, rather than throwing yourself at him and suffocating him while sacrificing your dignity at the same time. Make it clear that you still love him, that you would be willing to do whatever it takes, but then back off. Chances are, if he tries to move on to the ex this soon, he'll realize that they are going to have problems, too - he can't just run away and expect things to be perfect with someone else. Your absence will leave a space for him to miss you, and give him some time to see things clearer when he sees the bigger picture. Your maturity will help him see you in a positive light, rather than desperate. Making some dramatic attempt to win him back might only push him away at this point.

But also consider this: Is he really worth winning back if he's willing to leave you for - not even a new woman, but a woman he's already been with and broken up with? Sounds like he's not too reliable in relationships and you might be better without him...

Answer 3

I'm in your shoes right now, minus the ex-fiance. I know it hurts, and i'm sure you love him. Nobody wants their child to grow up without a family. But you need to ask yourself, "do i want my little girl to see my husband treat me like this?" "What kind of example am i giving her?" "will she grow up and allow the same thing to happen to her". "Would you want that?"

And since i can tell you're a good person, and you're not out for revenge, Tell him to leave if he no longer wants to be a part of this family (why should you have to leave?), but if you cant afford the place you live at now without his support, than you might just have to be the one to get to packing.

And if you do hope that one day you can reconcile your marriage, you need to make sure you dont treat him how he is treating you. I know that is much easier said than done, but its imperative if you want to save your marriage. It was really hard for me to not lash out, but i just let him go. I cried a lot, but after a while i realized how blessed i was, i had my baby girl. And she was going to know that she deserves the best. You need to pray for him, and her (his ex-financee is not acting right either), and you need to seek God. During this time, you need Him more than ever. Sometimes God allows you to go through trials so you can turn to him, and so that you can see what only he can do.

Whatever you do, dont enable him to fall back on you when he lands flat on face, which trust me, it might not be next month, but it will come the time when he will. And you need to let him prove to you that he is worthy of your love again, dont just go back to him, because this situation will repeat itself, unless he is truly changed. In the meantime, improve your relationship with God, with your family, with your daughter, and with yourself. And you'll soon come to a point where you will be the one choosing if you want him or not. And you will actually be the one in Favor with God.


The tears will stop one day. And the hurt will stop soon enough.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry. I know you are not going to like this, but here goes: If he wants to leave, then let him. Some guys just take much longer to grow up. He has a responsibility to his little girl, but don't waste your breath by reminding him about this. I'd be willing to bet anything that he is young-- probably 27 or younger, eh?

Answer 5

wow... i don't really know how to answer this coz' it seems that you can't really do anything to gethim back. If i were you i would just concentrate on taking care of your babygirl...

he's not a good husband to you if he's doing this to you... and what is this that... "he decided that he wanted you to go back home with your parents" business... this should be a mutual thing... like... seriously...

i would talk to him... sit him down and approach him in a friendly manner... do not throw it down his throat that he should give you another chance... do it subtle... remind him of all the good times yall had... and of course the baby.. most problems have a solution... soo all you gotta do is think logically..

goodluck

Answer 6

he doesn't want u at all, wants to be with her, unfortunately i know how it hurts, but u have to accept it, and move on, if u don't u can become emotionally ill over something u are trying to change and can't. he for whatever reason has rejected u, nothing u can do or say will change his mind. just have to let this be whatever it is going to be, and try to move on the best u can. fighting it is no good, trying to control it won't work, just give it up and know that we have no control over others.good luck, it may be good to seek some kind of therapy, getting over him is a process and won't just happen overnight or quickly. just have to be patient.

Answer 7

Make sure you get your child support. If he's talking to an ex, i woulnd't even want to be around him anymore. you will still need to be in his life, for your child, so you will still need to talk to him. If he'd rather work things out with her, take some time to heal your heart, and try your best to move on. There are obvioulsy reasons he didn't marry his ex, give it time and they will come out again, and he will be all alone, without you.

Answer 8

I think you should let him go because if tried to make him accepting you back he will brake your heart for some one else another time so it is best if you just move on with your some day he may want you back but it will be too late you already move on with your life

Answer 9

I think you need to talk it out.... Did you ask him if he would like to get counceling together to iron out some of the problems?

The child NEEDS both parents.... Try everything you can before you give up!

Answer 10

well all i think could help u is to just pray to god" no matter wat, tell him that is family is more important then going out there looking for some one alse and do really love him? and does he feel the same? well if he dont then babygurl sorry u cant do anything about it so just move on wit ur life and find another person but some day a baby's momas will always be a babyy's moma so just chill and watch wat he is about to do next...