Why is it....????

Question

that I can't stand up for myself??? I always get picked on and I always talk about standing up for myself but when the time comes I guess I chicken out Because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. I don't know what to do. I am tired of being picked on but I am scared to stand up for myself in fear of hurting someone!!! What should I do???
A Senior In High School
aka
Bookworm

Answer 1

Hello Bookworm,

First and foremost, you are at a stage in life now where you will have to come to terms with a concept. "You can't please everybody else at your expense."

I have been in school, I have been out on the playground, I have been the last one picked, I have been the least of choices for the higher-classed girls to want as a boyfriend.

Yet, I would not sell myself short to fit in. Even then, I recognized the falseness and the fakeness of people. Especially, those whom have got no grasp as to at what it is really like to not be spoiled and provided with monies and gimmicks by their parents.

Most of us are taught to be considerate of others. To some people this consideration is a virtue that others take advantage of, and they think it a weakness. Especially Christians, they are under the perception that if they offend that they betray God, and are sinning, or that they are going to be held accountable for offenses.

We will be held for offenses, those that are unwarranted this is.
But to go around each and every corner with fear and self doubt and apprehension is not what a person must do in life, it is not healthy, it is not what the greatest moral and decent human ever did and when we all learn from that example, then it is an eye opener, and a comfort to see that we are not the worlds punching bag.

Although His design and purpose was to give himself away as a sacrifice, but that was in the first part of the act, the closing act will be showing very soon and "Vengeance is mine, says God!"


Get to understand that you are not going to be accepted in all circles. Believe this; You are allowed to be different. It is rather more human than not to have your own identity, embrace this.

Don't allow yourself to to settle for the trap of living to please others. The acceptance of yourself is okay, believe in yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself this you have heard and it is critically true. Yet, if that is a truth and a policy to live by, then is it not apparent that we are to respect ourselves also, nuture ourselves, protect ourselves, even defend ourselves? Which of us is expected to let dogs attack and bite us? Or to hang out in a pit of snakes and vipers and not expect to be bitten?

I don't know if you are a practicing Christian or not. But I want you to understand this...Jesus Christ did not soley come to bring the world peace. He brought a sword of division also. He brought confrontation and defiance to those who where better than everyone else, (Pharisees, Saducees, Scribes and Elders of the nation). Those who were already whole and had total confidence and control in themselves and didnot need a moral compass, or a friend, or a way of guidance.

When they tried to belittle him, he with patience and wisdom spoke a truth that was beyond them, it offended them, it made them hate him. Hey, young friend...I don't care who you are, you will always find an enemy at your door step. If mankind finds a way to hate the example of love, then they will find a way to hate you and me.

I want you to believe in yourself, and not just be a person that thinks he/she needs approval from everyone else. If you live your life to please everyone else, you will be a miserable wreck yourself.

The greatest thing that I have learned to embrace, is belief in my uniqueness and individuality...this is what makes me strong and this is what identifies me from everyone else. I am not agreed with all of the time, probably not even the least percentage of time...yet if I am speaking, or acting out of love, kindness, mercy and respect, or even out of judgment against sin or evil deeds, or even evil peoples sin and deeds...(another misconstrued concept....This "judging thing", we are commanded to judge all things!)...as long as I am faithful to God first, myself second and the others thirdly, then wisdom and experience says, that I won't go out of my way to offend. And when I am unwanted, or used by others, then I should leave and find comfort and friendship elsewhere. You are not a victim unless you permit victimization.

Stand up for yourself not in violence or words of retaliation, but out of respect for yourself, if you have to stop hanging out with them, whomever they may be. Then just look for someone else to hang with, seek out better friends. Look for others who are not so popular with the "fake people," and fake people are everywhere.

I don't like fake people. I don't enjoy their self importance, and their boring pretense of being something that they are not. I don't need them!
But I do need to be real in front of them, and I do need to act out of love and kindness.

You need to learn and accept the same concept for yourself.

You will see yourself grow stronger, and blossom into a greater example of what it means to be real, now that you know what it is like to be mishandled by the hearts of others, seek others of the same nature and befriend them.

You will be giving the new friends you hang with a moral compass of direction and example of strength and honesty. You will find that those who hang, or want to hang with you are real, and more mature, and less apt to offend for the sake of using someone else to make themselves look good, but rather you will find a true friendship based on something of substance.

It is not easy. But you first must respect yourself, and carry yourself with dignity and know this;

Nothing can outshine light, even a little light scatters darkness, that which is dark is revealed for what it is, ugly, sinnister, selfish, and evil. Shine yourself with the moral guidance of the Light, all that is good, all that is wholesome, all that is pure, all that is kind, think of and do these things, act upon these things and seek peace, but don't be afraid of disagreement, or shunning.

Humbleness and humility is doing what is right, it is not a season pass for others to abuse you. You have the power to change your involvement with those around you.

I never could understand why the Jews never left Germany and armed themselves against their enemy. Because they expected others to see their humbleness and respect their peaceful resolutions, yet all they had to do was at all cost get out of Dodge. (Easier said than done, and probably a little deep for this conversation, yet if you really are a book worm, then you will understand my logic and my anology.)

You will soon leave the marmimness and the clicks of high school, and soon come to realize, that it is you and your loved
ones that you must depend on. Life is not fashion, or some high school cabal of marmy school girls, comparing the latest styles and who's daddy or mommy makes the most money.

Life is about peace joy and rightousness. And walking justly before God our Creator showing love and kindness to our fellow man.

Seek peace, with all people, but If you have to leave Dodge, then saddle up the horse and go.

Answer 2

listen to me you must stop this mess alright
follow the advice i give you!
first let me tell you this you are dangerous really and they are not aware of you unleashing the beast and i know that when you do you will hurt many and some will be those whom has never did any harm to you. I understand you should form a support system now it is a crime what they do to you and you must have this on record visit and sit with a police tell counselors / for proof that you tried to resolve this manner but it wont go away then you have the law enforcers on your side and if you get into a confrontation and you harm a "few" you walk no doubt you have proof they would not stop and tried to harm you and you have did all you could do to avoid any harm coming to anyone!
email me and let's talk so i can also be your proof!
you never know!
if they don't touch you do nothing!
if they touch you in any shape form or fashion - CALL the authorities and UNLEASH THE BEAST! properly of course i mean defend yourself as any human being would!
you are bigger than they are you are not scared you are a big person to ignore such mess!

Answer 3

You just don't know how to do it yet. It is hard and scary, and sometimes you worry that you will take it too far, and then not like yourself because that is just not you. I would suggest taking some assertiveness training, that way you can stand up for yourself in a way that won't hurt others. Soemtimes making your point won't fix the situation at hand, but may keep it from ha[ppening as much inthe future.

Answer 4

Seek counselling either at school or through a doctor. You need to change your behaviour. Don't worry about hurting others, if they're attacking you, the best thing to do is return fire, and it will not only discourage them in future, but also any others present. Also, take up a Martial Arts course, as it and the mental skills it teaches will help you a lot.

Answer 5

Don't let fear stop you. Don't be scared to stand up for yourself, because, by the way... they hurted you in the first place.

Striking back on injustice that can mean pain is better than being such a puss without anyone learning.

Answer 6

What goes around comes around. To often the circle of life sees those who were picked on at school becoming the boss and the bully's the employees. You will get your justice. Just not today.

Answer 7

Find a friend (a really good one) to stand up 4 u!

Answer 8

I ******* hate people! don't stop being a bookworm! Don't ever change who you are, Just do what you do and ignore everyone else! BTW I wrote you a message so look out for it. I have some more in depth advice.