my mate is convinced his missus of 8 years(they have 2 kids) has had an affair with a mutual friends husband. This is confusing me too! Anyhow the bottom line is he wants to know the truth. Fair enough as he claims he will stick by her. Thing is, he wants to know 'details'. Positions they did, stuff like that. If he says he will stick by her whatever she says I reckon knowing every little in and out (sniggers!) will just do his head in more. He is pretty sensitive and loves his family to bits. If he is willing to put it in the past surely he should do exactly that and forget it (as best he can!) and concentrate on the future. What do you lot think?
2007-01-26 02:21:44 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please be nice! He is a sensitive chap!!
2007-01-26 02:22:20 · update #1
And thanks. I can only tell him so many times!!!
2007-01-26 02:22:56 · update #2
And I would not touch his missus...not my type!!...hehehee
2007-01-26 02:43:24 · update #3
Oh, you lot have mucky minds!! I am not screw*ing either of them so cannot give details..ok!!!
2007-01-26 02:44:42 · update #4
Pondlife...you have a point!! Ta...x
2007-01-26 02:45:42 · update #5
And to verify, neither myself or Pondlife have ever had any sexual contact...with one another, I mean!!!
I cannot speak for Pondlife but I can say I am not shag*ing anyone I shouldn't be...ta you mucky minded lot!!!
2007-01-26 02:48:09 · update #6
And, finally, HE asked ME to post the question...he wanted some varied advice and has no internet access...I am not being nosey and would love to be able to keep my nose out! And yes, he has defo proof!!! The man in question is now in prison!! Unconected offence I must add!
2007-01-26 02:53:37 · update #7
Put your behind in the past.
Don't be an a s s about it.
He's being a bit cheeky.
Tell him not to be so anal.
No ifs ands or buns about it.
What a load of crap.
And so on.
By the way, you've got a great lookin' fart box there!
2007-01-26 02:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First he would have to have no doubt about it before confunting his missus. If she was not having an affair it would give her the impression that he doen't trust her which appently he doesn't be we don't need her to know that.
If he knows for certain ask but I wouldn't push for the details. If she had the affair she probably feels bad enough about it already.
If she has had the affair and doesn't admit to it just having him ask about it will most likely stop it.
If he is willing to stay with her it is all well and good lets just hope she doesn't plan on leaving him or all this is for not.
Good luck. Hope it all works out.
2007-01-26 02:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by Big D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When a person has been cheated on, that person has the ball entirely in their court. They can keep going or end it, or demand whatever they want. The cheater can either agree or leave.
A big part of the reason guys want to know these things is because their cheating women do things with their affairs that they won't do with them. Cheating wife's won't give their hubby a bj, but they will happily do it for their fling. This hurts hubby even more.
Let him ask what he wants. I think you should stay out of it.
2007-01-26 02:27:45 · answer #3 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are willing to put something in the past and forgive someone, i don't think you can know every little detail. I think you're right that if you knew every detail you would constantly have them playing on your mind doing your head in. You wouldn't ever be able to forget and if you couldn't forget have you truly forgiven? It wouldn't make him happy to know all the details he might think it would make it better, but it wouldn't. Sometime the not knowing is better than the knowing. If he knew every little detail the betrayal would be a lot deeper cut
2007-01-26 02:29:59 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since he "has" to know... He should be prepared for the full affects of what he is asking! I was in a simular situation years ago & what he is about to do with that type of information will destroy what little bit is left of the trust in his marriage. He won't think that his knowing will damage anyone, but the thing is, no matter what she tells him (details) it will never be enough, he will punish her & him over and over... until what is broken can never be repaired. He says he'll stand by her? - what will he do if she says NO? No, to telling him, No to details, No - she doesn't want to stay with him... Many Many things to consider here!
2007-01-26 02:34:21 · answer #5 · answered by T. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think knowing the positions is going to help at all. They need to go to therapy and get help to work through this, if it's possible. While you are being a good friend, I think you may need some more help on this one, and they are the ones going to have to do the work and decide if it is worth it. Knowing every detail, I do not think is a great idea.
2007-01-26 02:27:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds a bit odd to me wanting to know all the details as though he is lacking in confidence. No way should his wife explain anything to him other than admit to the "error of her ways". Giving out details could mean the whole issue rearing its head again every time they get intimate with the husband possibly using comparisons to belittle her.
2007-01-26 02:28:58 · answer #7 · answered by SYJ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-03 01:58:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Knowing too much will just give him a mental picture that he won't be able to forget and will hinder him in putting it in the past. I think that it is a very bad idea to go into that much detail and although his wife needs to be honest, there is such a thing as being too honest in my opinion.
2007-01-26 02:26:41 · answer #9 · answered by Princesspoison 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont give details it will only hurt him even more. just be supportive and expect him to have anger strikes towards u. he will have moments when he is cool wit u and then he hurts u all within the same minute. just tell him every chance u get thru words , emails, txts, cards, dinner, sex, whatever that u love him and ur sorry for hurting him. but know he will never truly trust u again!
2007-01-26 02:27:13 · answer #10 · answered by foxzie006 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋