What do you do when you are at a sexual impasse??

Question

In spite of years of efforts, talking, therapy, begging, visits to the doctor for hormone level checks, and all the attention she could hope for, my wife only will give up sex for me, at best, 3 times a month. I am made to feel like she is doing me some huge favor and I am unreasonable in asking for anything more than her telling me to "hurry up" and "don't waste time trying to make me come".

We used to be a 10 times a week and orgasms-a-plenty couple. She isn't cheating on me. I have checked up very thoroughly on her.

We find ourselves at this point: she has pretty much lost all interest in sex and has no interest in trying to bring it back. She also finds it offensive if I get off on internet porn or even "take care of myself" in the shower. She will try and catch me in the act in the morning and yell at me.

I love her in every other way. Our kids are 14 and 15. I don't want to leave her but my choices are: cheat, divorce, or be miserable forever.
Which one???

Answer 1

If what you are saying is true I suggest you print out what you have typed here and give it to her. Ask her what she expects you to do.

Answer 2

Your screwed. It's called marriage we all deal with it. Most of us take the cheating route. I am here to tell you if you don't want to ruin your life don't cheat. Divorce? For lack of sex? Think about it. Are you that desperate? Think about you life without your kids. Why did you leave dad? Answer that question 5 years from now. It will seem pretty silly. Talk to your wife,don't argue, talk to her. If she loves you she will try to help. I have learned that women go through these "cycles" where sex doesn't really matter for a while. Then, like a switch, it comes back better than ever. It's difficult and frustrating but arguing and begging make it worse. Grit your teeth, get a porno and tough it out. The less pressure you put on her the more likely it is she will warm up to you again.

Answer 3

I think you are kinda selfish here... 3 times a month is better then what some husbands get.... Masturbate or something but divorce and cheating is not the answer... Have you ever bought her toys like orgasm beads or things like that..... You know they do sell plastic vaginas or you could clone hers and go to town that way if she is not giving you enough. There are other options here... How about a sex therapist. She is saying hurry up because she is bored with the same routine and wants something new and exciting i believe. Do you give her lots of oral and let her get pleasure first or do you want the pleasure and you do not care to make sure she is getting pleased... If this is the case then she probably is not happy. Go to marriage counseling as well... I dont feel it is all only about just the sex here I feel there is more deeper issues here in this marriage that need to be worked on... The right choice for you should be to stay in your marriage and love here where she is at and work on changing you and not her. And when you say you love her in every other way what do you mean by that??? Are you romancing her and meeting her emotional needs in and out of bed or is it all just about the sex with you and what she can put out? Are you spending time with her and holding her hand or loving her without wanting sex in return all the time?

http://www.marriagetoday.org
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http://www.marriagebuilders.com

Answer 4

life in this situation is difficult. life if you divorce will be more difficult because of the children. I think this is some sort of life test and you have to resolve to do the best you can, day by day. however, i would not stop sorting myself out, doing so even when aroused lying right next to her. tell her you find her arousing and sexy and she is part of your sexual experience whether she likes it of not, so why does'nt she get with the program with those activities which she does still like. Hang in there. I am basing my answer on the premise that life otherwise is pleasant and you guys do get along in other ways. Good Luck. The darkest hour before the dawn.

Answer 5

SuperDude,
If your wife doesn't like having sex what are you going to do? Has she said explicitly that she doesn't like having sex with you? If therapy (sex therapy) hasn't helped then try this: Go to your local adult store or via the Internet buy some toy's and ask her in stead of sex with her can you use the toys for stimulation (for her); If the wife doesn't want to play and Say's that's too kinky for her, then tell her you are done trying and ask her who the lesbian is? If she tells you shes not a lesbian and that that's all you want these days, tell her yes that is all you want but if shes not going to give it up willingly then you will have to seek another source. Let her squirm and then file for divorce, maybe she'll get the picture? I kinda doubt it though she sounds like a cold fish.

Answer 6

I hate to tell you... you are a SWAGE.

There is a support group for people like us.

I bet you'll mainly get grief from most answerers here. Forgive them they are ignorant. Nobody knows who hasn't been through the hell you are living.

Just because she doesn't want sex... she has this insane expectation that your sex drive is suppose to have vanished to.

I bet she have called you a sex addict. Ha!

Some people even deny sex is a need.... they call it a want...

Your wife is insane and is being an unfaithful mate... she might not have a paramour, but she is not fulfilling her marriage vows.

Answer 7

I actually went though this with my husband and no one found it for nearly two years but I was depressed and his looking at porn only deepened the feelings and I had resentment towards him as well because of it. Once I treated the depression I returned to normal and our sex life has never been better.

Answer 8

From what I gather, men have much higher libidos than women. I think this is generally true. Thus, almost any woman you marry will not desire sex as much as you do. It's a sad reality that we all have to face.

Answer 9

Try banging her as much as you can. If she says hurry, than hurry. I would get in the shower with her a soap her up. In bed I would feel her up. Strip her and get on.

Answer 10

I agree with Stacy...good luck.