I'm 29, married, and my husband and I are expecting our second baby. My mother said she wants me to lose it?

Question

My husband and I have always seen to it that our son has the best that we can provide. We don't leave him with sitters all of the time, and he does very well in school. He's got a roof over his head, food to eat, and more importantly, he's got a family who loves him. That's the way that it should be. By the way, he's eight.

My husband and I have tried for two years to get pregnant, and we are finally six months pregnant with a daughter. Ever since my mother has found out that it's going to be a girl, she's been taking low blows at me, telling me that she hopes I'll have a miscarriage, that I don't deserve another child, and that we're terrible parents.

To make things MORE complicated, though, for the past four years, SHE'S picked up our son after school (she volunteered for this, and we thought that it would be okay until now) due to the fact that my husband and I don't get off of work in time to get there before the after-school program closes. In other words, I can't just

tell her to screw off without having another arrangement in place. At this point in the school year, another arrangement is going to be hard to find.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

You don't have to tell her to "screw off." Sit her down and calmly explain to her that you appreciate her picking your son up after school and that it has been a great help to you and your husband. However, the way she's been treating you lately is immature, rude, hurtful and flat out unacceptable. And her comments have absolutely nothing to do with her picking your son up. She is out of line. Period.

Tell her that you refuse to expose not just yourself and your unborn child, but your eight year old to people and environments that are not conducive to positive mental and emotional health. Tell her that if she does not have to like the fact that you're having a girl or that you're pregnant again. That is HER opinion, and she's entitled to it. But she does have to respect you and should have the common curtosy to keep her negative comments to herself. You don't need her negativity, especially at this point in time. If she can not respect your wishes, which are perfectly acceptable and justifiable, you and your husband need to try your best to make other arrangments for your son and you need to do whatever it takes to prevent yourself from being exposed to her. You should not have to put up with that crap.

Answer 2

I am so sorry. What a terrible situation. I can just about garantee you this has little to nothing to do with what your mother thinks of you personally or what kind of parent you are or will be than it does with some personal issue of hers. What tips me off is that she started acting this way when she found out it was a girl. It makes me suspicious that your mom had some issue when she got pregnant with you or another female sibling- or maybe she has a younger sister she resents, or has something to do with the way her mom treated her- regardless- she may have none of these feelings toward your son, but maybe you'd feel better making other arrangements for him after school if it's possible. I definitely would NOT allow her to keep the new baby when she arrives. Tell her you don't understand her feelings, and that you're hurt she would act this way, that you and your husband are happy about this baby, and tell her to keep any further negative comments to herself.
No matter how close or not you are to your mom, your family is your priority now, so do what you feel you must to enjoy this pregnancy and protect your family and your kids- and your own peace of mind.
It's got to hurt to hear your mother say that, but try to keep in mind that this more than likely has nothing to do with you as a person or a mother- she has a serious personal issue.
I hope all goes well with you : )

Answer 3

The most important thing you need in dealing with these types of situations is the support of your hubby and you thankfully have that. Yes your MIL has become pushy, and it is a lot of nerve to assume, but that's how most MIL's are. It's great that your hubby is going to sit her down and set boundaries. You are correct in saying that you are the patient and who you want to have in the delivery room. I wouldn't care if 50 people were allowed not one of them would have been my MIL! :-) It's uncomfortable and delivery is a very private time for a woman. Your not wrong in feeling that way. This is not the time for you to battle, just make your wishes clear to your hubby and have him execute them. Of course you should know your MIL will be pissed, because she's being told things she doesn't expect or want to hear. In the end she will just have to get over it whether she holds a grudge or not. I do have a little advise, you wont get much rest in the hospital so after you have the baby let her come up to visit one of the days your in the hospital. When you get home you will not want to be bothered at all, the only thing you will want to do is rest and bond with your little one. That's what I did and then I left a message on my phone saying mommy and the new baby are fine and getting much needed rest. We will return everyones call when we are up for visitors. LOL! MY MIL was pissed, but they act as if they forget what it feels like to have a new baby and go through labor. Nobody wants unannounced visits or the phone ringing off the hook after they have pushed, been pulled, poked and probed day after day. Don't worry just get ready to enjoy your new bundle of joy! Good Luck!

Answer 4

Wow, your mother has some real issues. I'd distance myself from that kind of person immediately and make sure my son wasn't around her unsupervised either. There are plenty of other options for picking up your son, options that might require you to make some changes, but you need to get your mom out of the picture.

I do find it hard to believe that she just suddenly started saying cruel things like this. You must have known that she had a screw loose somewhere along the line. Why didn't you make a change sooner? I'm guessing you got a little lax because it was super-convenient for her to help with your son. Therefore you've overlooked this woman's shortcomings. Am I right?

Answer 5

I feel so bad for you! You sound like a wonderful mother and daughter and I wish you the best of luck with your new baby! Of course you shouldn't wish to lose your baby. You must be so excitted after two years of trying. You're going to be a wonderful mother. I would suggest sitting her down and talking to her. Is she the kind of woman who could handle that? Its so hard to talk to your mother in a hard way, she is the one who taught you. But I've learned with my husband's mom ( its a little differnet, my mom died last May right before I had my 3rd child.) I've been fostering children, and given up a lot to adopt 3 and have 3 of my own. and she just says I can't handle the kids! BUt i can! I would suggest having someone else transporting the kids. I don't know about your boss, but if he/she is nice maybe they'll let you take off to take him home or drive him somewhere. Hope this helps I wish you the very best!

Answer 6

First off, congrats on the new baby! Secondly, I would be a little upset if my mother said that about me! Who does she think she is? I would do as the other people have already suggested, get other arrangements for your 8 y.o. I know where my boys go to school, they have a "daycare" type place where the daycare comes, sometimes by bus, to pick the kids up to take them there until mom or dad can come and pick them up! Good luck with this!

Answer 7

My first concern out of this is: If your mom and her attitude towards this baby are picking up your impressionable 8 year old son, what is she feeding his mind about the arrival of his little sister? She may be tainting his attitude which is unacceptable. First and foremost make other arrangements for your son's pickup or after school care. Maybe if you lessen her access to him she'll wonder why and you can tell her that it is because of her hurtful attitude and talk of the baby. She has a serious issue which she needs to deal with. You, she and your husband need to sit down and discuss this whole issue. And I would let her know she is no longer to be alone with her precious grandson unless she changes her attitude. I know that sounds harsh, but not half as harsh as what she's doing to you.

Answer 8

That`s horrible!! I can`t believe any mother would wish a m/c on her daughter like that...I would try to work out another way to pick your son up and then sit down and talk to your mother and find out why she is so hateful to this new baby just because it`s a baby girl...And if she gets mad then you have something already arranged for your son....I think she needs to talk to a shrink or something..It`s not right to wish something that horrible on your own daughter..Good Luck to you....

Answer 9

I don't know why your mom thinks you are not good parents. You didn't explain. If your son is getting along well with your mom, I would just keep it that way until the school year ends. At this point, you want to keep everything as normal as it can be for your son. When you have a baby, you will need help and maybe your mom can help watching your son. Once she sees a baby, she may change her mind. At that time, forgive her for what she had said. I cannot imagine a grandmother not liking her granddaughter.

Answer 10

Well first off ask her why she feels this way. You are both working and your son sounds like he is doing very well. It honestly isnt her say what you do with your life, but she is entitled to her opinion no matter how nasty. Tell her you dont appreciate the nastiness and the knock on your situtation. You sound like a great mother. Dont let her knock you. Take it with a grain of salt (i know thats hard to do but think of the stress your baby girl doesnt need).