I love my husband of 20 years dearly, but his drinking is really bothering me. It's the same thing day in and day out. I tried talking to him, but "he don't have a problem". Same thing is getting old. When he drinks he belines he is king.
2007-01-26 01:29:57 · 14 answers · asked by Debwave 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is addicted he needs help.
2007-01-26 01:34:37 · answer #1 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the problem.
His drinking is bothering you but it's not bothering him.
You must sit with him and REALLY instill in him the fact that you love him however you feel like you are missing out on what life has to offer because he's always drinking. Let him know how it make's you feel without pointing the finger at him. Millions of people drink everyday and they don't feel they have a problem. In all actuality if they were single then it would be o.k. to continue on with that choice. Remind him that he has committed to you and your life together and you have other visions for yours and his future that do not involve him drinking everyday. You can also open up Pandora's Box and ask him what you can do to help or if theres anything he would like to see you change. Be prepared. Alcoholics don't usually take constructive criticism very well. It may take a few times of sitting and speaking with him. Remember you told us he's been doing this for twenty years. It would be unrealistic of you to think that he should change this overnight. Be patient and Love!
Good Luck!
'-)
2007-01-26 09:41:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to go to a support group to keep yourself straight and on track. He seems to have a problem.
What's the first sign of having a problem? Denying that you hav a problem...
Al-Anon or another support group for families may help.
I had a relative whose husband drank vodka like it was the end of the world. The good news is he finally quit, so don't give up yet.
Prayer helps too, but the person also needs to put in some effort to help themselves.
2007-01-26 09:36:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I go through exactly the same thing everynight. My husband gets home from work at 3:30, comes in for about 5 minutes, and out to the garage he goes, and I dont see him until he decides to come in at usually 9:30. I simply go to bed so I dont have to listen to it.!! What a life, huh?? My husband says that he doesnt have a problem either but I told him that someday, he'll have a big problem because when he comes in some night, I wont be here. Thats all I said and thats all I'm going to say to him. I dont know what to tell you about this because I'm going through it also. I'll just wish us the best of luck and hopefully they will both stop on their own. Good Luck!!
2007-01-26 09:40:02 · answer #4 · answered by pebbles 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps you should consider attending some Alanon meetings in order to learn how to better deal with this problem. I am not that familiar with this program as I am an AA member but do know that it is for the spouses, family and friends of alcoholics. This program is for the person living with the problem drinker and teaches them new tools to live. Best of luck.
2007-01-26 09:45:32 · answer #5 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I live there too the weekends are the worse.. You never know what is going to set them off and you know when they get in the zone. We can't go anywhere because of the drinking, if we do he always complains (putting it in a nice way) about my driving and I would just love to say if you weren't drinking you could F**** drive . but that would start a fight, every holiday is a joke all I here is his mouth before we get there, he opens the first beer by 7:30 in the morning and you know what he is like by noon, I hate the winter because he is stuck in the house, at least when the weather is nice he is outside, every other week he has 4 day weekends they just about drive me crazy, I have been popping anti-anxiety pills on his day off just to keep the stomach pains away, I can't wait until he finally passes out then I can relax. One day I lost it when he was bitchen and I dumped his beer out in the drive way and stomped every can, yes I had beer all over me from the spraying if anyone would have come by they would have called the men in white coats to carry me off. then I missed one can and he had the nerve to come to me and say "you missed a can, do you want to stomp it?" Oh if I could have gotten up fast enough I would have beaten the living **** out of him, and I think he knew by the look he better shut up, I understand I love my husband to, April will be 25 years for us. He is a good provider, works hard, but that damn beer turns him into a total ***, He has never became violent because I know he knows I would beat him sensless when he passed out. Before I became a mother I use to drink with him on the weekends because that is the only way I could stand him, but becoming a parent my priorities changed I have a child to take care of and I will not have her living in a house with two drunks, now my daughter is older and she makes comments like "daddy your mean or your drunk" but it all falls back on me he starts saying I told her to say it, but the kid sees it with her own eyes, I know most people would say leave but they just don't understand, the good is better than the bad and we are hoping that they will open their eyes one day and quit, I know what you are living through and you really can't talk to anyone because then you label them and it comes back to haunt you. Now today is Friday so he may have a couple beers tonight but Sat & Sun are different stories, I am not all about banning alcohol but I don't want to see my husband laying in a hospital bed because his liver failed or his kidneys shut down because he drank everyday, I have witnessed other family members giving their children sips of beer, etc. I flat out told them all if I ever see anyone giving my kid a sip they better call the police because I will beat them stupid, and I mean that, I am breaking the cycle of alcoholics I hope I cannot control her in adulthood but why start it. There are alcoholics on both sides. plain and simple I hate it because all it does is ruin lives.
2007-01-26 09:55:18 · answer #6 · answered by kissybertha 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well i am doing the same but i am the wife, I think the reason i am doing it so much is because my best friend died not to long ago and then i started drinking. I miss him alot think about him all times.
2007-01-26 09:37:37 · answer #7 · answered by bette69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is said that the person who is NOT an alcoholic, yet stays in a relationship with an alcoholic is actually SICKER than the alcoholic. He has the excuse of booze/dead brain cells; what's yours?
Please do yourself a favor and get to an Al-Anon meeting!
2007-01-26 09:36:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask him to just drink on 3 days out of the week. Then cut it to two later....He will agree at somepoint...just hold him to it. He will thank you in the end.
2007-01-26 09:36:16 · answer #9 · answered by fade_this_rally 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As well as he doesn't hurt you or your family physically or mentally, I think it's OK. It's very hard to change old behavior like your husband's.
But you can bring him to rehabilitation center for alcoholic people if he want. But love and life are more important than that kind of habit, especially if it doesn't disturb your family life.
2007-01-26 09:50:41 · answer #10 · answered by eddy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I drink myself.... there is a thing called drinking too much, and i have gotten myself into trouble ...and into the court system and it's not fun. 20 yrs. is like ...i dont know the words to explain it but please seek help or family and friends.
2007-01-26 09:42:05 · answer #11 · answered by kornsap 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋