My husband of 8 years claims he wants his life back but why has he taken me and the boys passports?

Question

He claims...He's not happy, I can't make him love me.I've tried everything including therapy.I;m the only one who went half the time.He goes out and stays out over nights sometimes the whole weekend.I left before, don't know why I came back same crap dif. days.I told him to give me til June so kids r out of school.He once said I could have everything including kids but now He wants me to leave the 7yr old with him.I told him I would leave it up to the judge.We r in Japan and he took our passports!!He's in the military on shore duty and claims he will go to legal so I don't take the youngest. What should I do? I've told him to leave the house permantly b/c he gives me mixed signals with sex he said he dont have to. Help!

The system here is unexplainable...When I left him in May, I went to legal to make sure that I couldn't get into trouble for taking the kids.No trouble b/c neither of us have custody. Neither of us can be seen at that office conflict of interest. So, we go there make an appointment and have the appointment with the JAG over the phone. I don't know if he's paying attention to me. If I stay till June, I can get an early return of dependants and all my personal belongings sent back to the states. If I leave before then I leave everything behind and purchase or 2500.00tickets for 3
But I don't want to get the wrong impression if he were to sleep in the same bed or eat dinner with us.

Answer 1

this is what it comes down to men have finally realize getting a divorce and leaving the kids with the mother would cost them so now they want to take the kids and receive child support from the mother well all comes down to money honey if i was you i would get a lawyer and try to get proof of his behavior****

Answer 2

If he is withholding the passports you should call the MP's this is a violation of both federal and military law.

You should wait until June unless you have the extra money available. In which case you should not wait. He can go to legal but unless you have done something really wrong, he doesn't have a prayer. The military will side with the wife almost all the time.

Answer 3

I too was married for 9 years, only to discover that according to my hubby, he didn't love me anymore. Luckily we don't have kids together, so it was easier to move on for me.

My suggestion - Lay low until you can "officially" leave the country. Plod on as before, only maybe you should tell your hubby to sleep in the other room, whatever. I wouldn't want to share my hubby's bed in those circumstances, but you are not me. Once you can leave - get out, and stay out! Divorce him. Like you said, you can't MAKE someone love you, and once the decision is made, things will ease. It's like a weight is lifted off your shoulders Hon. Get on with your life. There is light at the end of the tunnel - I promise. I have met a WONDERFUL guy who has taught me more about myself then I ever thought possible. Don't settle for "contentment" go all out for "Happiness". Good luck! If you need an ear to listen, Email me! Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt and starred in the movie!

Answer 4

You should talk to the military legal people, if you live on base I don't think you can make him leave and if you leave it could be bad for you too (legally). I don't think he can take your passports and you should tell someone in legal about that. Stay strong for your children. I've been divorced and I know from my children that it really hurts them and they remember everything even when really young. If you do get divorced try not to talk bad about him when they are around, that is the worst thing I ever did. And DONT have sex with him .... you don't know where he's been and it will confuse you.

Answer 5

Sticky situation. I am sorry to hear that. If he wants his life back, which he should have thought about that BEFORE he got married eight years ago, then let him have it back. I would fight for both of my kids. If the judge says one can stay with him, which I doubt will happen, then there's not much you can do but visit him on a regular basis. He is very selfish and you need to move on with your life. I know it's easier said than done, but you are going to have to do it. Noone deserves to be treated that way. There are plenty of men out there that can treat you the way you should be treated. Screw him. He will discover soon enough that the grass is not as green as he thinks it is on the other side. But once he finally realizes that I would be far, far gone. If you have the money and/or resources, get you a good attorney. You'll need one.

Answer 6

If he is gone weekends and nights at times, he may be having sex off base so quit having sex with him so that you don't get some type of disease he picks up. There must be a legal officer if he said he was going to see one so go there first yourself and list the times you went to counseling and he didn't bother to go. Go to the American Embassy there and talk to someone because you may be able to take the kids there for refuge and let them make arrangements for all of you to have new passports made and get you home. Good luck to you!! I hope you can work that out and get your life back!!

Answer 7

I would talk to my therapist again and see what they suggest. It is rare for a child to be taken from the mother, and you are right the courts can decide... If he is staying out all night and weekends, this isn't a good thing for you or the kids. I would contact legal counsel, although with you in Japan, I don't know the process. Talk to a therapist immediately and ask them. He prob. took the passports so you wouldn't just leave with the kids. Good luck.

Answer 8

You need to end this farce of a marriage immediately. Go to the embassy or get a lawyer, get your passports and get out of Japan. He's most definitely seeing someone else, that is why he doesn't come home. You should get custody of both kids, don't leave your son to be raised by this creep. Stop having sex with this pig before you get a disease. I wish you the best.

Answer 9

If he's in the military I would advise him to return the passports to you for all the children and you or else you will go have a chat with his superior officers to see if the military can intervene since he's obviously having problems with his mental faculties and this could affect his job with the military. If that doesn't help, I'd really do it and if that doesn't work I'd go to the closest consulate or state dept and tell it to them so they can have the passports replaced. Then I'd get on the first plane out of there with the kids.

Answer 10

I am military as well and he can't do that to you you have rights and he has a chain of command and I strongly suggest you use it. You need to call the jag office and ask about your rights and tell them everything he has done and threatened to do. Also you can get the MPs involved and have him escorted out of the house. He won't fight too hard if he doesn't want to make a mess of his carreer.File for a legal sep or you may have trouble keeping him out of the house.

Answer 11

Threaten to go to the military and tell them that he took the passports. He won't like that. i had a friend who was in a marriage. She was from England . He was from the States. They lived in Japan. He told her that they were going to live in England after a visit to U>S> He haad no intentions of going to England. Everything was shipped here. She is still here 15 years later. They are separated. My ex brought me and the kids all the way from N.Y. to Memphis and starting his controlling behavior.He was unhappy and so somebody was going to pay for it. I felt so unpretty, depressed, homesick and helpless. Don't let someone who is obviously unhappy with his life ruin yours. Do not wait until June. The kids will make friends fast. Kids do that you know. He is trying to control you. That is what men do apparently when they are dissatisfied with their lives. Where can you go to get the support that you need to start the rest of your life. Trust me there is more for you and your children than having someone mentally abuse you. The reason why he wants your son is to keep tabs on you. Mom, get out now. This could get ugly if he gets the military on his side. Please take the scary step of taking your children and starting your new life. I did. My friend did. We are so so so much happier. It was not easy at first. You know now I have such a small tolerance for nonsense . When you decide that you are going to take care of yourself and do whatever it takes to make yourself happy no matter how tough it gets you get a sense of self- confidence and joy that you protect. My children grew up with me in a way because I went through an adolescence of sorts rediscovering myself. Celebrate the new life that you can start today even if it is just envisioning for yourself what life can look like without the anger, bitter resentment. Warning when you get stronger he will look like he is changing. Let him change on your turf.