why is this aggression.....?

Question

I am a tri lingual person and come from a region of the world where speaking loudly with hands waiving and such ,is a normal thing. yet now that I live in the states I am sometimes accused of aggressive and hostile behavior!

I mean no harm and have researched this and found out that many people who are bilingual behave this way.

has any one ever had this problem? I tell poeple that this is just how I speak and try to sit on my hands or play with something so I dont use them. I have met many poeple who speak quietly but have a tongue that cuts like a knife ,thats how rude they are. but I am a loud speaker and I have a somewhat deeper voice so if I speak quietly no one understands what I am saying.help anyone?

Answer 1

You have a point here. my dear! As a person who has travelled a few countries, I always was and am an Indian and I speak with both my hands and tongue and as a Trainer, it has helped me to stress on the ponts I wanted to make. Ofcourse I am not very loud but definitely my voice level is slightly higher than the westerners/britishers. Moreover, my english pronounciation is different from them and most often I either had to repeat the word or sometimes spell them out. I never found this to be of any discredit to me.My advice is this: Be what you are and express how best you can!! Dont worry about other's opinion about your voice level or mannerisms. Yes! You can try to minimize the sound, for which you have to consciously try. All the best!!!

Answer 2

Well, speaking loudly and waving your hands seems odd in the US. It's probably best to stop doing that here. It does seem aggressive to many people (including myself because of an incident where someone almost hit me in the head while doing that, no malice intended but I don't exactly like pain either) What is normal in one country is weird in another, and those who travel should learn to adapt to the area where they are. I speak six languages and never talk with my hands---it's rude in both Cherokee and mainstream American culture to wave your hands around all the time, and it also makes you look like you can't speak well and have to move to get your point across. It's nothing against you at all, however. I know you mean well.

As for the voice, mine is very deep like that (I'm a radio news anchor.) As a result of that and using headphones all the time, my hearing is a little messed up, so I sometimes do talk loudly. I just ask people to tell me when I do it, and that helps me get the right level.

Answer 3

I don't think it's just bilinguals who use hands, a lot of people use hands when they speak. The French and Italians are great for using hands when they talk. It's a way to express yourself further and try to get your point across. I am bilingual, I speak French and use my hands constantly. No one ever told me that I came off as a rude person though. I started speaking loudly when I worked in nursing homes and most of the patients were either deaf or hard of hearing. Now my family tells me, "We're not deaf. Can you tone it down?" They say it jokingly but I try not to speak so loud. I wouldn't worry so much about it. If people say something, just say your sorry but it's a hard habit to break. Hope that helps a little.

Answer 4

Either a person has been around the other person that having hearing problem, or English is that person second language, this person was require his/herself to speak loud and hand used, so someone else could understand better. As the time go by it became a habit speaking loudly with hands waiving. Which one are you? Maybe it's because your deeper voice.

Answer 5

Different cultures react to people's actions in different ways. A hand gesture can mean something approving in one country, but be highly offensive in another. More than that, they're deep ingrained since they've formed over a long time - as is the nature of culture.

Unfortunately coming from somewhere where a lot of hand actions etc. are involved in discussion (I'm thinking Spain, Italy maybe?) these may come into conflict with more reserved cultures (Japanese people as I understand it have a very respectful attitude to others). And this is just hand gestures! Not even including tones of voice, topics of conversation or body language!

Some cultures are just clash slightly when interacting and that's just life. You shouldn't have to start playing down your own natural ways of behaving, no more than you would expect others to start waving their hands.

So I think all you can do is just understand that there are rude people in all walks of life and by the sounds of it, you're not one of them. Don't let differences get in your way and just keep company with the nice people - they won't mind you waving a bit :)

Answer 6

There was a series of ads over here in the UK a little while ago for, of all things, a bank. It used exactly your kind of predicament to show that what we interpret as one thing (eg hostile or agressive) in other countries is entirely natural.

It all comes down to the societal norms of the people with whom you're dealing. If they're not used to loud speech and hand-waving as a norm they recognise as an unthreatening thing, then it will instantly register with them as agressive. There are probably two ways of dealing with this - the first being, as you say, to sit on your hands and try to "fit in" with their norms.
But in the States especially, norms are defined by the known and the unknown - there's an instinctive fear of what is unknown, but once it's known it becomes accepted as "just you". So if you have more problems, make sure to tell the people who have trouble with the way you express yourself that you're not being agressive, this is just who you are. At least that way they'll have the facts. Americans in my experience are wonderfully adaptive human beings - if you can convinve them that this is "just you", not you being agressive or hostile, I'm sure most of them will come around.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Its only that individuals perceive you in a different way. You intentionally display an action that could be viewed as hostile.

Try to lower your tone & keep your hand actions as minimal as possible. Give the next person some space if you do choose to express yourself.

Answer 8

Do you really need any help ? You've said it all: It's wrong to think you're aggressive just because you make hand-gestures while talking...
But if you really want to blend in then try "softer" hand movements and talking "slowly"... and just be friendly to people who think you're aggressive (that'll help a lot)
Also note that in the states (and many other places) people "love" their "personal space", try not to move your hands too close to their bodies while talking

Answer 9

Many people are easily intimidated. If you are fervent in your beliefs, and express yourself well, others might easily feel they are being pressured. Try to be aware of the style of the person you are conversing with, and try to mirror it. That way you are acting more respectful of their style. You might mention to the other person that you are doing so, and that this is a polite thing to do so they should to. That way you can "compromise" a bit.

Answer 10

it's really important to give people their "personal space." if your expressing yourself, is invading others personal space by throwing your hands all over and being loud, you may need to take a closer look (as you apparently are) and tone it down a bit....it's important for you to be able to express yourself, but when all is said and done, it's also important that we all feel comfortable and that the greater good has been realized.