My wife and I met nearly ten years ago. We have a strong relationship with common interests and mutual respect. She is great looking, passionate in life, and fun to be with. I am decent looking, calm, and generally categorized "the nice guy".
Over the past several years, my wife has increasingly lost interest in our personal time. After some careful probing on my part, she finally revealed that she was less interested because the relationship has lost its newness, and that she often fantasizes of others.
I tried asking her what I can do to improve things. I tried to suggest spicing it up by going to new places, going on dates, or playing different roles. She agrees, but it doesn't seem to help.
I don't know what to do anymore. I fear that as the "nice guy", I simply can't keep the "edge" that she may be looking for. Any suggestions out there?
2007-01-25 23:13:00 · 10 answers · asked by Andras 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is amazing how many times the "nice" guy or gal ends up hooked up with the person who doesn't mind biting a chunk out of their heart and spitting it back at them. Make some changes for your benefit, not hers. Do something you've always wanted, like skydiving or scuba that doesn't involve her. When you're out together let her notice, don't be too obvious, your eyes checking out some attractive woman's behind as she walks past. Become a challenge for her again.
2007-01-26 01:56:31 · answer #1 · answered by Barb S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes...develop a personal interest in something...a sport or hobby. Spend a little time away from her (NOT with other women) developing your own interests.
This will result in two things:
1. You will have something to talk about other than work, kids, politics, and the weather
2. Your being gone at times when you usually were home will make her feel a little....jealous (maybe not the right word), but have her wondering and she will probably have a little more respect for you and who you are as an individual. A lot of times we tend not to see our spouses for who they really are as a person...only as an extension of ourselves. We all tend to get into ruts.
Also, do the date night thing, but FOLLOW THRU with it. Make it a regular thing...and not just dinner/movies. Do something fun like rock climbing or racquetball or something. My guess is that you are predictable......do something UNpredictable. This will surprise her.
Make sure you are always totally in to her, also. She will notice this!
Best of luck...let us know how things go!
2007-01-25 23:26:59 · answer #2 · answered by ♦♦pixiechix♦♦ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It takes two people to make a marriage work. You need to get more aggressive with her and find out what her fantasy are and act apon them. You can make an appointment with a sex counselor who can help you with ideas. A lot of time changing up positions and times of the day and places do a lot to spice up a marriage. Fight for your wife.
2007-01-25 23:34:21 · answer #3 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your being too much of a nice guy? Try being a bit of a bad boy IN the bedroom..maybe a few toys, lotions..
Change YOUR bedroom tactics & see what happens.
Live out 1 of YOUR fantasys. GET R DONE!
2007-01-25 23:25:51 · answer #4 · answered by earthangel_candy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you married the wrong woman. That she would tell you she fantasizes about others is downright rude, and that she is obviously not making any effort is disrespectful. Sounds like the "nice guy" married the "not so nice" woman.
2007-01-26 00:44:20 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sense your ideas didn't interest her,Let her choose some things that she would like to do.You as her husband,be open minded to what ever she suggests.In other words,you do the submitting and let her do the leading.
2007-01-26 13:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be a challenge to her. If you feel you are being the "nice guy", stop. You have to change your game.
2007-01-25 23:22:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
take her back to where you met even if it is in your livingroom or kitchen go back to when it was fresh and new go from there and put the edge back into it
2007-01-25 23:20:32 · answer #8 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe shes looking esle where
2007-01-29 10:45:34 · answer #9 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she wants a jerk. why don't you start jerking her around ?
2007-01-26 00:23:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋