Would you stay?

Question

About a month ago I was offered an amazing job opportunity that would require me to move a 2 day drive from my home town.Two weeks ago my husband of 5 years was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, an agressive form of cancer and his doctor has strongly discouraged moving at this time.Both our parents and brothers have been made aware of the situation and are willing to do whatever it took to get him through it,I have made arrangements for him to get the best medical care possible and I'll be able to afford to fly back to visit him every second weekend once I get settled in.Problem is,he doesn't want me to go.I hate having to leave him right now but this opportunity is simply to good to pass up and if I did I know I'd regret it for life.I know if the situation were reversed I'd understand so why is he being so childish about this?Why won't he just compromise?I leave in two weeks and I just don't know how to get through to him.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

I'm happy to hear that you have such a supportive family. You might want to take some pointers from them. Your husband is very ill and he needs you. Please don't let a job opportunity take priority over your husband. Not only will you hurt him terribly when he is already hurting enough, but you will have to deal with enormous guilt for the rest of your life. You will have the opportunity to further your career in the future, but you husband needs you now. Please reconsider your priorities.

Answer 2

I am sorry if I sound like I am judging you and forgive me if I do but, you may be on borrowed time with your Husband and although I hear this job offer is a very good one and a one off so is human life, although maybe not as good but there will always be more jobs but only once will you have the chance to be with your Husband he will not come back around, hopefully he will be ok and after treatment all will be great but the but in this is a big but. One thing I will say is if you stay with your husband do it for the right reasons cause otherwise you will resent him and it will be very hard for you both, the last thing he will need when he is sick is you two arguing and fighting look deep in your heart and you will know what to do if you really love him as much as you should then you will know what to do. I wish you all the luck and for your Husband too remember this is not childish or selfish of him this is scared and frightened and all he want is for you to be there for him.

Answer 3

You know what no job in more then important then a life. He is your husband and I can't believe you are even asking this question. Look at it this way you leave what if worse comes to worse and he dies when you are gone and now you have your dumb job you said you could not pass up but you just let your husband die without caring. You are so cold. You need to look within yourself and wonder why you would rather have a job then be by your husbands side just because you arranged some medical treatment and that your families are going to do what they can to get him through it but his own wife will not? You would regret if you didn't take this job? Would you regret before you settled in that he died? I do not think you are looking at the whole picture. If you go and he does survive I guarantee that he will file for divorce~

Answer 4

Acute Myeloid Leukemia is a severely aggressive form of cancer-I know,my brother lost his wife to it 6 months after she was diagnosed. You don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. With my sister in law,she had a bone marrow transplant and seemed to be making a great recovery-then suddenly she was gone. Could you live with the guilt if that happened to your husband? He's going through an extremely hard time right now and needs your love and support. Be there for him. The job means nothing,and you should turn it down.

Answer 5

first you need to decide whether or not you love your husband, and then which is more important him or the job. this might be a once in a lifetime chance but what if your husband took a turn for the worst and passed away while you were at work, could you live with that. there's no saying you'll like the job when you get there. you need to think long and hard about this, i couldn't leave my husband if he were ill for a job, it's only money afterall and we have survived on benefits in the past, so no husband should be the most important thing to think about at the moment. p.s explain his situation to the employer, you never know they may inform you of a possition in the future

Answer 6

I can understand you situation...on one hand you have this wonder job that was offered to you (while it is farther away) and you really want to take it..however on the other hand you have your husband whom is terribly sick and needs you, what choose should you make? The job you feel is a once in a life time offer you don't feel that another of this magnitude will come along. I will say this to you (I don't know if you are a person that believes in god or not) but I do know that the lord tests us in ways that we don't know. Yes,this job offer is great,however where this one would be left another will appear better then the first. I could imagine what you are going through and I want to believe that you do care and love your husband,honey he is going through something people would not wish on their enemy he needs you (not every other week). If it was you, you would not understand him leaving you. I got the part about his sibling helping tend to him, that is not their responsibility it is yours, and you are wrong. If you do choose to go you really need to do serious soul searching within yourself, because my dear this would be selfish on your part. I wish the best for you and your husband.

Answer 7

Decision Decision. I hope you realize that the decision you have to do is not to leave or not to leave. The real Decision here is What do you rather regret not taking care of your husband when he needed you the most or regret not taken a good Job.
If the job is as good as it seems it means that you are a very qualified person, is probable you will have another opportunity for a good job, how many opportunities do you think you will have to take care of your husband?
By the way I'm a widow

Answer 8

look, he's going to be warring down soon, he's going to become very weak and will need someone there to take care of him. leukemia is very serious, this isn't a little boo boo that he can heal from within a week.
i understand about the job opportunity, but you said you'd regret missing this for the rest of your life. won't you regret not being there for your husband while he's slowly wasting away? for better or for worse....you mid-as-well divorce him because you aren't there for the worse. hell if my husband was diagnosed with anything similar to that i'd ask for time off work just to be there for him.
I understand his side because i was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and my boyfriend was there for me every single day. I will never be able to repay him, he did all that he could do to make me feel better, and that's what's so wonderful about love. no matter what, the person you love or who loves you will always be there for you through the worst. I am still with him and i wish to marry him, i feel as if he did so much for me during my time of need that i couldn't repay him. you can always make money with a job, but you can't always find a love like that.

Answer 9

I am sorry to hear about your husband, I feel like everyone else that your place right at this moment is to support him, In Sickness and in Health. I have a question for you to ponder.....Does your prospective employer know of your situation? Most successful companies look at more than your academics when considering you for employement, things like integrity, compassion. Knowing about your husbands condition, and the fact that survival rate is very questionable, I dont know if I would think you had much integrity or compassion. If you are truly qualified for this great job opportunity, I would be honest with this employer, and ask to be considered in the future when it is more appropriate to give 100% to that job.

Answer 10

I, personally, would stay.

It sounds like you have made up your mind, however. From your statements, it appears that your career is more important that your marriage. You seem more concerned with the possible regret of losing this job, rather than the regret of missing this critical time in your husband's life. If this is the case, go. It will probably mean the end of your relationship, however, as well as possible future regrets on your part.

Whichever decision you take, I do think that you need to display a little more compassion towards your husband. I believe his request to be completely reasonable and understandable. I wish him the best.