My mother has been dating this guy for about 4 years. Since day one he's been a complete loser and being that I and my brother live with her, it gets old. He told her he "loved" her since day one and persuaded her into letting him move in with us. Now, he doesn't "live" with us but he literally stays over every night until we tell her we're getting tired of it or she gets mad at him, then she tells him he needs to go home because we don't want him here. He puts her down, always saying he doesn't like her hair or he doesn't think she should be eating that, etc. etc. He's hit on me. He's said inappropriate things in front of me and my family. He is very immature. He puffs up and pouts when things don't go his way. He picks fights with me and likes to stir things up. He acts like he owns her house, her car, HER. And most of all, he's changed her. She lies to us, always giving us what she thinks we "want" to hear, instead of being honest. She lost a job due to him coming to her office and staying daily (This shows how controlling he is, there's so many examples I can give). She has become almost the opposite of what she used to be. No longer dedicated to her family and herself. Just dedicated to him. She says all the time she is tired of him, but she won't leave him because she's scared of him. He has literally stalked her since day one. Always calling her every 10 minutes or so, following her, showing up where she is, etc.
I could go on about how much he's ruined her and our lives but I'll stop now.
I know it's not place to say who she can date or not, but when it's broken her down so much and when it directly effects the entire family and house, I can't help but be pissed that this has happened, and I feel such negative things for her ever since this happened, even though we've always been best friends. What can I do, say, etc.? Anything?
2007-01-25 22:49:17 · 5 answers · asked by Bee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Say all this to her frankly. Say it to her stalker boyfriend also. And take some counselling, either free (on the net) or paid.
2007-01-25 23:03:14 · answer #1 · answered by In-Sync 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know how you feel about this... and you can also talk to a school counselor about it. If this guy is hitting on you... that is illegal ya know.
I must amend this do to recent advice.... do not rush out and call DHHR or the cops and such. Foster care is not a fun place to be. That route is a last resort. They will protect your rights.. yeah... if you are in foster care you have no rights. They place you in a home with strangers, and you may get moved around from home to home. I am not knocking the foster care system, but this system is a last resort for children who are truly abused or neglected. This kid doesn't need to loose his family over this. she could even end up in a home worse than the one he is in. They screen foster parents, but trust me, i have been involved with the foster care system before, i know... it doesn't usually end up working out for these kids.You don't even usually end up with all the siblings together in foster care. It is always best to try to work things out as a family and with a counselor if need be. If you go to church your pastor would be helpful as well.
2007-01-25 23:23:35 · answer #2 · answered by AMoRous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have to arrange a family meeting with your mom and brother and let her know that the family is in a crisis situation and you are scared for her. Get other family involved so that she will know the seriousness of what is going on. Let her know that she can get a restraining order against this man so that he is not allowed at her job or at her home. But we all know that it is up to her to make those decisions not you. Right now you can be a support system to her and you can make this mans life miserable the next time he pushes up on you, by letting him know the next time he dose it you will report him as a child pedophile.
2007-01-25 23:22:23 · answer #3 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your mother directly and maturely without the boyfriend there. Let her now from the start that you are concerned for her. The hard part is going to be to accept her decision. Unfortunately, she is already aware of these things. Sometimes, hearing it from another person is all it takes to help her. Sometimes, the person will become defensive. If she becomes defensive, reassure her that you love her and are there for her. Counseling would help her but she has to want to get out. I wish the best for you.
2007-01-25 23:11:04 · answer #4 · answered by fly guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sad fact is your mom is adult who can do as she wants, BUT she doesn't have the right to bring you and your brother
down with her. ONE: if you have family see if you can go with them, if your mom won't let or there is no family TWO: call social service, local juvenile office, school concealer, tell them what is going on, they should pull you out of that home, this guy should not be doing to you what he his doing. You really need to leave but you need to do it the right way. The court will protect your rights. you and your brother should be taken care of, honey she doesn't seem to be doing that. Your mom got mixed up with the wrong person and her being scared of him makes it hard to get away, don't abandon her but you need to get away from there, She is suppose to be setting an example and being a mom, she is too caught up in this mess with him to do what is right by you and your brother, please protect yourself. I wish you luck sweetheart.
2007-01-25 23:34:18 · answer #5 · answered by calenderchic0271 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋