About a month ago I was offered an amazing job opportunity that would require me to move a 2 day drive from my home town.Two weeks ago my husband of 5 years was diagnosed with an agressive form of cancer and his doctor has strongly discouraged moving at this time.Both our parents and brothers have been made aware of the situation and are willing to do whatever it took to get him through it,I have made arrangements for him to get the best medical care possible and I'll be able to afford to fly back to visit him every second weekend once I get settled in.Problem is,he doesn't want me to go.I hate having to leave him right now but this opportunity is simply to good to pass up and if I did I know I'd regret it for life.I know if the situation were reversed I'd understand so why is he being so childish about this?Why won't he just compromise?I leave in two weeks and I just don't know how to get through to him.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
2007-01-25 21:11:08 · 39 answers · asked by Possessed By Love 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OMG how selfish are you?? Why did you get married? Did you forget your vows? I suppose that you think that your job is more important than your husband?? Sounds like he won't be around long then you can have all the good opportunities that you want. I am sorry but you sound very cold hearted towards him. This could be his last months on earth and you are more worried about a career opportunity.
2007-01-25 22:21:00 · answer #1 · answered by kelsey 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you feel that you are going to pass up an amazing opportunity if you don't take that job. Let me be honest, family has to come first sweetie! If you don't have a solid foundation then you will have nothing to build on. Your biggest regret will be if he passes away and you knew that you could have been there more. Honey, he's scared and has a right to be. What cure do these doctors have anyway? Last I heard, it doesn't matter how good a medical team is a person isn't completed mentally. You won't be giving him his best chance if you only give him every other week. Would you do that to one of your children? I'm not trying to burst your bubble but it sounds to me like you SERIOUSLY need to do some prioritizing in your life. Try this...Never live your live with "could of" "would of" or "should of's" because when it's too late....it's just...too late. I really hope you have an epiphany FAST...for you sake as well as your husbands. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-01-25 21:23:01 · answer #2 · answered by lustful TR 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it were me...I'd stay with him. Other opportunities will come up and you might even be able to talk your potential boss into letting you have a year or so to decide while you help your husband through this. Is the job really that important, like is it the first job you've been able to get after five hard years of looking? You'd be damaging your relationship by leaving, since he really seems to want you with him. Try to look at it from his point of view, he's got aggresive cancer, he's scared, and the most important person in the world to him is leaving.
2007-02-02 15:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by questing 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're husband has been diagnosed with an "aggressive " form of cancer and you want to leave him to fight it alone because you have a job offer? Is it not possible for you to explain the situation to your new job and post pone starting. What about the Family Medical Leave Act?
If your husband dies while you're gone, will you regret that for the rest of your life? Do you even realize how many people die from cancer everyday? Do you know how chemotherapy destroys a person before making them better? How do you compromise with someones life? How is he supposed to feel when he can't depend on your support? Your husband is probably scared to death, and all you can think about is yourself. Have some compassion.
2007-02-01 04:19:16 · answer #4 · answered by adondeesta1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Will you regret abandoning your husband when he needed your support? He is not being childish, he knows what he wants. If you will resent him for making you miss a career opportunity, I don't know what you should do. Your marriage is in trouble either way. If you leave him he will probably resent you forever. You are in a difficult situation, but you have to choose what you are going to do. You can not change other people. If you go for the job, you will have to do it without his approval, if you pass it up you will have to be sure that your marriage is worth the sacrifice. What if the amazing job opportunity turns out to be a dud? What if your husband can't get over you abandoning him when he needed you? What if he doesn't make it? Surely there will be more job opportunities after you deal with your family crisis. I wish both of you the best possible outcome.
2007-01-25 21:40:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Even with family around he counts on you for everything you are his world and with everything crashing down around him he doesn't want to lose his last peice of his world.
I'm sorry and I know about giving up things. And I still think what if.. but then when I look into my kids eyes or getting a loving touch from my husband all my doubts go away. So sorry I have to vote for you to stay maybe you can work something out with your company look into all the different possiblites. Maybe you can work out of your home and fly to the work place every other week or something I don't know what kind of work it is so don't know what to say. But you do have a very hard choice. The best thing to do is sit down and make a pros and cons list. For each side and really think about it and be fair to your self. Also this won't be the last time something great will come your way. But this will be the only time you will have your husband....
2007-01-25 21:17:16 · answer #6 · answered by tishniaeq069696 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In your situation, I would stand by my man. Literally. he's going through a rough time. Mortality staring him in the face. And you talking about ditching him in his hour of greatest need. You are supposed to love him even beyond the stars and the moon. If you don't at least stand there and pretend until he's well or dead. Then you leaving wont hurt so much.
It's seriously insensitive of you to choose a job, no matter the kind of opportunity it offers, over your possibly dying husband.
And yes, men are childish when they get the flu, but cancer is hardly the flu and he wants you by his side because you make him feel better if only superficially.
I'd like to know more about this job if it's worth a persons undying love.
2007-02-02 02:03:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, he's probably going through a very scary time with the whole cancer thing. His days may be numbered and Im sure that he'd rather spend them with you, not your parents. Its probably not a good time for him to be alone either. He's going to need someone to hold at night when he cant sleep and he's worried that if he does fall asleep, he might not wake up. Im sorry if I make it sound like he's going to die but you have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I know this job means alot to you but a job cant replace a human being. Say something goes wrong and his number is up while your two days away, your going to regret it more than not taking the job. I guess you just have to decide which is the lesser of two evils. But just remember "In sickness and in health, til death parts us."
2007-01-25 21:28:06 · answer #8 · answered by deere73 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
do you love your husband? geez lady he has cancer , he feels so alienated already and your wanting to add to it by making him like hes second , Im sorry, but you are so wrong! there is no job and no amount of money in this world that i would leave my husband (who has cancer) doesnt matter how great the job or how great the money is either more important than him ? your husband, who needs you the most right now ! your being selfish , and i dont understand why any woman would feel as though they had to choose , the obvious choice is right there , your married to him!and you could easily lose him to this. (as a nurse, i know this for sure)theres plenty more jobs in world theres only one of him . he should have to compromise ,you should help him no matter what . hes wondering if hes going to live and your worried if youll get to go to your fabulous job . poor guy , i know you have to be making him feel so bad and like material things are more important to you than him . im just stunned that you have the nerve to say hes being unreasonable . you might want to stand back and take a long look at yourself .
2007-02-01 16:27:47 · answer #9 · answered by chelle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He needs YOU for a lot of support. His life is in grave danger and you are more concerned with your job opportunity.
If you a very sought after employee that employers want, they will be understanding. If you take the job just remember, your employer will judge the decision to leave a 'dying' man for a position and will think LESS of you as a person and might NOT want you around and mixing with other employees.
Get him into some counseling to handle his illness and go with him, show your support. You will be a much better person for it.
2007-02-01 10:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋