last week i went home from a meeting with two women who had good relaionships with their mothers, They know their mothers love them and they are close. I never had a good relationship with my mother growing up i had anger towards her cos she got rid of me a few time and told me she did not want me. one was showing off about her mother all the time, bit too close but i felt at a disadvantage. i never even liked my mother most of the time she ignored me alot put others and herself first like i was not important.
2007-01-25 20:42:54 · 10 answers · asked by denise g 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
People who show off about how good a relationship is are sometimes in doubt and trying to convince themselves. Or trying to put someone else down.
And remember that all relationships have there good and bad points too; its not healthy if you see one of your relationships as all good. Its just not realistic.
I'd see these two people as shallow and lacking in social skills!
When you have a converstaion its usually possible to see if one member of the group is at a disdvantage and not able to chip in; sensitive people will try to change the subject if they can't bring someone in to the conversation.
You feel at a disadvantage because your relationship with your mother wasn't good; I promise you, you are not alone with that. Not all people are good mothers.
But as an adult you can choose to be different, and learn how to be a good mother. Don't make the same mistakes!
Don't feel put down; instead try to see these two people as a bit shallow and too busy playing one upmanship. Don't take it personally, they're like that with lots of people, its just the way they are. You can be better than that.
Best of luck.
2007-01-25 21:02:20 · answer #1 · answered by sarah c 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you are doing ok now, are you not? Some people who are not given attention by their mothers end up in really bad situations. Something to think about.
What happened ...happened. But it does not mean that you shud go back and think about it. At least you had a mother to take care of you as a baby. Some are not even that lucky and get dumped in garbage to be recovered by the garbageman or just not make it at all.
It was indeed wrong of her to push you away. Perhaps her childhood was soo bad that she was never loved and did not know how to show it. Or her circumstances were such she could not.
I understand your plight. But now you know that if you have an offspring - the importance of showing love. Give that kid what is deserved. And find love in your partner. There is love in the world. A warm smile from a stranger who passes you by says that. Just go out and find it. Love your friends. Love those close to your heart now. What is there ar present matters. Be graciouse you have what you have now.
I suggest you visit an elders home and contribute a lil bit to an old ladies wellbeing. that will do you wonders.
I wish you luck.
2007-01-25 22:54:57 · answer #2 · answered by Tashamster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is life I'm afraid mate! Some people get on with their mothers and some dont...you are not the only one. The important thing here is how you deal with it. What's past is history, you can never go back. We cant all live happy ever after with our parents or siblings etc. Just because we are biologically related does not guarantee that we will love for ever more. I did not get on too well with my mother; and I have nothing to do with my sister.
But I have friends that have been more like family to me than my own family ever was.
You can pick your friends but not your relations. So you can get out their and 'choose' your family.
You will find that there are many people that have had the same experiences as you. You are not alone.
A good saying to always remember is: 'The people that matter don't mind, and the people that mind don't matter!'
I wish you all the best!!! :o) x
2007-01-25 21:14:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
similiar story but i have to say i moved out when i was 17 now 27 and over the last 5 yr the relationship has actually grown stronger and our bond has got stronger but 2 be honest she has worked at this the way i see this is that my mother is only human she made mistakes maybe u can never love her the way a mother n daughter should love but u should try and understand mothers dont just give their kids away if there is not an underlying problem .Once my mother told me it was,nt her fault i was born so i do understand i,m talking through experiance, I wish u the best of luck in your life u seem like a strong girl so u stay strong
2007-01-25 20:54:00 · answer #4 · answered by blonde286021 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally believe too much emphasis is put on good parent relationships. Your parents still people like any other, as a result people are bound to not get on with them.
But reaffirming that parents are people, they also make mistakes. I really hope your mum is sorry for all this. I'm sure in her mind she had her reasons, and hopefully, if its possible, she'll explain to you one day.
My mum died when I was 10 and I'd cut my right arm off to talk to her again. I feel disadvantaged by this too...
I really hope you and your mum can sort things out. If not I hope you make peace with your relationship.
2007-01-25 23:03:24 · answer #5 · answered by Belle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think any mother can be harsh beyond measures to her own children. But i wont tell u to change ur way of understanding your mother. Its your opinion, go with it. But i would advise you to be the agent of change of environment at your home. I too used to think so at first, but now that i am changing my self and the gloomy sort of environment at home, i am getting it easier to understand the actions of my parents. May be you should try to sit down together and talk. Talking solves out the greatest of problems. Try understanding each other and keeping your egos aside. After all, they gave you the most precious gift, life. And moreover, you are one family, not a bunch of enemies.... Good luck. :-)
2007-01-25 20:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by Swathi Rao 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me not everyone gets on with their mother ! Always remember that you can choose your friends but not your family. To be honest your mother doesn't sound worth knowing.Did the women that you had the meeting know about your mother, if so how horrible of them to keep on about how well they got on with their mothers !
You need to get on with your life and not let the past control your feelings, keep telling yourself that it is not your fault the way your mother treated you. I wish you joy and happiness.
2007-01-25 20:55:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people don't have a good relationship with one or both parents. It's a sad story but, true. Who's to say they both didn't have horrible relationships with their fathers? I know I did. When they start bringing it up, try changing the subject.
2007-01-25 20:50:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on sweet heart, been there, done it, life goes on, take the hatred out of your heart and let your life begin, it is too short, don't waste it on hate, if your mum is a bit of a sh!t, that's her problem, if she did dislike you it is only because of her failures.
2007-01-25 21:28:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
similar story to my childhood but i actually have a better life without her around
2007-01-25 20:48:29 · answer #10 · answered by Claire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋