Married man lack of sex tempting to cheat.?

Question

Hi I am 35 years old man. Been married for 14 years. My sexual life is negligible for the past 10 years or so. Got two children. I am very much tempted to have relationship outside marriage. I have had one or two short sexual encounters but have always thought of my famli first. I love my wife and children but sex is a major problem i dont want any harm come to them. But I have got enormous sex drive. Tried and gone tired talking to my wife but to no avail. Exhausted all possible means. I know no counselling will affect her. She just too busy and in indian culture ( not always true though) once you have kids that's it, sex life is gone out of window. I end up getting frustrated and having argument. I feel like crap then. I bet she thinks I am some sexual freak or maniac. But i got desires and been blessed with enormous appetite for sex. Alternative, look for sex on the internet with no strings attached. Do you think am i doing right?

Answer 1

Very honest question. It seems your a good man who deeply loves his wife and family...but also men have physical needs to which you can't get satisfied from your wife.

I'd personally put love and care of my family above the lust need for physical passion - because we can control our needs + its rare to find a women you can love with your heart and mind as well as your body.

Answer 2

this is a hard one. this is what i am going to say. it may not mean much to you. i dont believe in affairs. i think that a married couple should be able to work their problems out and if need be, compromise to make things better. if you have spoken to your wife and done all that you can, and i mean all that you can, and she still doesnt change or compromise, then you should then get a divorce and move on. in a marriage, compromise is big and when one compromises and the other doesnt, problems come along.

maybe, there is something wrong with her. try talking to her about it. if that doesnt help, go to a counselor with her and see if that helps. if she really loves you, she will see how important this is to you and will try to help fix the problem.

looking for sex on the internet isnt a good idea. i dont think that you should have to do that. just try to talk to her and if she doesnt change then leave while you can. at least you will have your dignity.

Answer 3

Why is it that when men can't get sex at home they always say something like 'i have an enormous sex drive' as though that gives them an excuse to look for sex elsewhere?
If you do go looking for it elsewhere, and i'm sure you will, then make sure you take proper protection, not necessarily to protect yourself, but your poor wife.
Ideally, this is something you should work out together with professional help and you should not resort to prostitutes or quickies from someone you meet of the internet.

Answer 4

I understand the majority of men have a need for sex on a regular basis. That said, you are just asking for even more problems by having ANY kind of relationship with other women, even online. You don't know for sure about the counseling, so go that route first. If that doesn't work, then you should consider divorcing your wife rather than cheating on her. Maybe she needs a wakeup call about how serious this problem is for you.

Answer 5

Well, honestly you should first have a talk with your wife about this...i know it is going to suck...but it is only fair. you need to tell her how you feel and see what she says. If the relationships in the US were the same as Japan there wouldn't be this problem...it is weird i saw this special and it said that in Japan it is pretty much permitted to sleep with someone else as long as money is exchanged...because they feel that isn't cheating because neither person has feelings for the other...however it is frowned upon if you have a relationship with someone else. anyways...you should talk to her first because sneaking around will just be another big ball of stress you don't need, and will stop the fighting that will come when she finds out...and she will find out...and you don't want to put your kids through that crap.

Answer 6

No. Happily married men do not cheat. What you describe here: "He is generally considered a good man---an involved father, hard working. His wife is loving and beautiful. They spend a great deal of time together and they don't really have any major fights after 3 years together." - does not necessarily describe a "happily married man" If he is cheating...odds are...you can add "his wife is loving and beautiful BUT SHE DOES NOT GIVE HIM WHAT HE NEEDS IN THE BEDROOM. Ladies, you can disagree with me but this is a fact. There are those men who run around all the time because they are shallow and will be involved always with multiple women, but you show me a man who is usually faithful that strays and I can probably show you a man who is not happy in the bedroom. Accept it. It is the truth.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

TRY TRY TRY! Bring home toys for your wife, try rubbing her getting her in the mood. Emotionally, physically, touch her. I believe you have not exhausted all your options with your wife, you are taking the easy way out by cheating.

I believe if you talked to her about toys, romance and getting the passion back in your relationship she would. She's missing it to..

The way you are feeling, you can bet she is feeling it to. Talk to her. It's easier to just cheat, you would be more of a man to fix the problem at home then to add to the problem and get caught cheating.............. Think of what you could loose. People always think the grass is greener.. You just need to water the grass at home, take care of it and watch it grow.............

Answer 9

No I don't think cheating is the right thing to do. Deceit and betrayal is never a good thing. And it always eats away at your soul, little by little. If this is the case, and she won't meet you even half way, then you are better-off ending the relationship and finding someone that will make you happy.

Answer 10

Sex is a part of our human nature and some people want it more than others. If you are really only looking for a sex buddy with no strings attached then go for it. Just be careful.

Answer 11

Well, what do mean with 'exhausted all possible means'?
Does your wife just say: no I don't want it, or what?
Sit down with her, if she doesn't want sex but you do, ask her what she expects you to do? Maybe there is a way to interest her.
Remember, right now you say, you love your wife, but if you were to have a relationship outside your marriage, you might get emotionally attached, too. You don't want to hurt the other person, either.