I am working, but took the job so that it fitted in with his career and the children,I only earn a small amount,but am qualified to earn 40 k a year plus,but it's gona take at least a year to break back into my old career,should i get the financal stuff sorted now or wait untill I'm back earning,anyone been in the Benefits trap
2007-01-25 18:35:04 · 13 answers · asked by live life 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whatever you do, don't do it without advice from a qualified solicitor. If you don't have proper legal advice then your husband might wiggle out of his responsibilities. It is very true the saying that 'the person you divorce is not the person you married'. I advise you to get advice!
2007-01-25 18:43:33 · answer #1 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you sat down and done a budget? Have you created an itinerary of everything you could sell to make ends meet? Do you know if you could afford to stay in the house you are living in? Do you know where you would relocate to if you couldn't afford to live where you currently do? Are you able to pay for childcare? Are you able to take paid time off work if your children become ill and there is no one to look after them? Do you have family or friends who can help out with childcare? Are you guaranteed to be able to break back into your old career? If not, are you prepared to further your education to get a better job? Are you prepared for the social stigma attached to divorcees and benefits recipients? Do you really need to get divorced?
2007-01-25 18:47:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is kind of a stupid answer and I am not a relationship expert by any means. I think you need to really think about the situation you are in. Analyze it from all different angels then make the best decision for you and do be mindful of the kids. My mom and dad divorced when I was 15 it was allot to deal with and please what ever you do, do not use your children to get back at each other. That can really hurt them more than you know. I hope what I said helped and best of luck to you
2007-01-25 18:45:55 · answer #3 · answered by volvo_1989_1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been there too. The trouble with this dilemma that you are in, is that only you can answer this one. I will try to help you with the options, but only you can really take the steps to sort it out.
In my experience, I found that waiting around only bred resentment for my partner, and it affected the children. It could make matters worse. If it is only finances that is keeping you together, then get out now. It is a recipe for disaster. It will be hard to begin with, but once you make a start, it will get easier. There is plenty of help out there for you, particularly if you need help with paying rent etc. Your husband/partner will be duty bound to support the children. I would not normally encourage anyone to break up a relationship, but if you are unhappy now, it will only continue to get worse. Get yourself sorted out now for your childrens sake!
2007-01-25 19:16:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concerns about being able to cope financially on your own but if your marriage is over then you should definately get out as soon as possible,If you wait till the "right time" relations at home will only get worse then your children suffer too.You can get plenty of help financially by taking advantage of the benefits on offer for the time being,then you can concentrait on starting your old career going again.Good luck.
2007-01-25 18:45:49 · answer #5 · answered by Julie Mac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly unhappy and need to start a new life, then that is what you must do. But it sounds to me like you prefer living with a man you don't love with financial security, in opposition to leaving him and getting a new life altogether and facing the challenges that come with it.
Where there is a will, there is a way. If you truly need to get out, then money will be the last thing that stops you.
2007-01-25 18:46:23 · answer #6 · answered by The Alchemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say...I stayed in there for that reason, then again, I knew I could not count on him what-so-ever, and I was right...but hanging in there 'til you can manage on your own? Depends on how bad it is!
Just remember the kids most of all!!! I think I wasted time with my kids 'cause I got so absorbed in my work trying to get away from him!
If you are lucky and y'all can be pretty civil and talk about that stuff, then work it out now so he helps you out...
Good luck!
2007-01-25 18:42:35 · answer #7 · answered by avechm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy, try to get a quick amicable divorce now. You need not involve lawyers if childrena nd property are not involved
Good luck
2007-01-25 18:46:49 · answer #8 · answered by Scotty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't make it financially without your hubby, then you may have to wait a little while before you can get divorced. It's awful to be in a miserable relationship, but you are trapped because you have no money. :-(
I'm sorry to hear of the bad luck.
God Bless and *hugs*
2007-01-25 18:40:03 · answer #9 · answered by Daft One 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Best advice is to get things sorted out first
2007-01-25 18:47:10 · answer #10 · answered by robert x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋