Have you ever had a transgender friend?

Question

One of my very best friends is in the process of doing hormone replacemtnt therapy. She was born male. I do refer to her as HER. The only thing is that I have not seen her yet and I am hoping to still be the same as in the past with her. I am very open minded but I do not wnat to say or do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. Like I am not sure what questions are ok to ask.

I will definitely talk to her(born male now female) and tell her that I do have some questions. It just makes me feel naive..I wish we lived in the same town. We are actualy about 100 miles apart. I am going up to see her this weekend though and would like to discuss things with her. To let her know that i love her as she is..And that I am there for her forever.

THank you to all of you for your answers. SHe is one of the most awesome people ever. I am not realy scared of talking to ehr other than not wnating to say soemthng totally out of line..Accidentally of course..But we are very good friends and I am sure we can discuss this as well.

Answer 1

Well, since this is new for both of you, I would say that most questions would be okay. Tell her that you don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, and that she shouldn't feel pressured to answer anything that she isn't comfortable discussing. Also, gender reassignment can be (and often is) emotional for everyone involved.
There are many support groups for friends and familys in LGBT communities. I would suggest that you find out what kinds of resources are available to both of you in your area. Best of luck to her.

Answer 2

I have a number of friends/acquaintances who are transsexuals or some variation (I can't keep up with the different terms). Some are pretty open about it and discuss the surgeries, hormones etc.. Others don't talk about it at all unless it comes up in conversation and they have a relevant point to make. I have a few friends that are somewhere 'in between' and happiest that way. If it's one of your best friends, I'd think you already know the person well enough to be able to tell if they are comfortable discussing certain things. I know that any question is 'ok' when it's between very close friends. If she doesn't want to talk some stuff, she'll just tell you that. It's doesn't have to be a big deal.

I have a friend who identifies as 'genderqueer' and feels that they are somewhat of a third sex. That one was the most difficult to deal with since I met that person when they were female and she never mentioned anything about a gender identity issue. I didn't see her for awhile and the next I heard, 'she' was going by 'he' but still basically lived as a woman. Shortly after, 'he' then said that 'he' wanted to not be know as either sex. Honestly, it's annoying to some of that person's friends because it messes with the English language and we don't have an acceptable word other than 'they' to refer to that person anymore. 'They' chose a non-gender specific name but it's difficult for me not to revert back to 'she' or 'he' in conversation. 'They' have said that it's totally ok if we mess up and refer to them as 'her' sometimes because they know it's hard to break a habit. They do not find it offensive at all.

Answer 3

I had a horrible time being in the world but once I was allowed to live full time I was fine. I am still pre-op and not pleased by that but I can deal with it and I have mental disorders - bipolar w schizoaffective disorder. ADD, Disociative Personality Disorder. How far are you in your transition? Things should be easier for you when you are living the part you are meant to be. If you are and you are still having problems then you have other problems, like maybe depression. I have depression and what solved that problem weirdly enough was eating Vegan (not Vegetarian, totally Vegan). It fixed my cholesterol and fixed my depression, I know it sounds strange but it worked for me. So don't count anything out. You may have an allergy to wheat, or milk or anything causing problems in addition to the GID.

Answer 4

I've had transgender friends who've had the change. I've also had friends who were born both male and female. lol, that gets quite interesting at times. As her if it's ok if you ask questions. If not just be there for her. This is an emotional time of change and possibly a new life for her. If needed just let her adjust to being female.

Answer 5

Yeah, I have a male to female friend as well. I as well am pretty dumb when it comes to the subject. I ask her tons of questions about how the whole hormone thing works (what it gives her, what it will change, etc.). Most of my questions she's been fine with.

Answer 6

I think if your friend is truly your friend she will be open to answer any question you have because education is key to making people understand. You could start off by saying, I have some questions and some are very personal if its okay with you, I'd like to know more. It won't hurt.

Answer 7

I think you can ask HER anything you want. Be respectful of course. I think it's cool that you understand that he is now a SHE and you respect that the way it is. Some people don't because they believe it's all about what you were born with. I believe that you can become a man or a woman and people should respect it.

Answer 8

we are all born 50/50 male and female. maybe at times that fifty changes dramatically. your friend needs your consolation as well. give her respect like she would to you. i have a friend who wants to change over but cant afford too. i repect the things going through the life of this person as well. it isnt an easy thing being confused all your life i imagine.

Answer 9

No I haven't, but I would love to!!

Do her a favour, and ask her questions. She won't be offended if you're trying to understand where she's coming from. It was just as confusing for her at first.

Answer 10

As long as you two are somewhere private if she's not really all that out yet, she's comfortable answering, and you watch your wording, ask away.