Urgent plss... How can I clean my name for the mess I've done?

Question

I caught my husband cheating on me. I confronted him and we fix it he apologies and I give him a chance cause I still love him and I know he love me too , and for our 5 yrs. old daughter. but my prob is the moment I learned my husband cheating I shared it to a friend due to the pain I had and I want to revised what i said for the benefit of my family from a great scandal. How can I convice my friend that what I told her isn't true? cause m afraid she might spread it to our other friends. Pls help me what to do. We are going to meet tommorow and with other friends. Thanks

Answer 1

Talk to your friend alone. Thank her for being a good friend and giving you a shoulder to cry on. Then, tell her what you said here. You and your husband have decided to work on your marriage together because you feel like it's worth fighting for. You have forgiven your husband and hope that she will too. (friends tend to be angry and hurt for those they care about and this just sounds nicer). Remind her that you confided in her privately and hope she will respect that and keep this situation to herself and not share it. You were careful to only share it with her and hope your trust was not misplaced. Trying to convince her the story isn't true isn't going to work. She will see right through that. Don't panic. If she's a good enough friend for you to confide in, you have a good chance that she will be glad to respect your wishes and keep your private matters private. I'd like to add that you didn't really do anything wrong. It's not uncommon or inappropriate to confide in a friend when you're in a crisis. It could be that you're worried what other people will think. Frankly, that doesn't matter. If you and your husband have decided to work on this together, other peoples opinions don't really matter. You're the only one that lives with him or has a child by him. You didn't make the mess here. Your husband did and he's a lucky guy to have a wife understanding enough to keep him around after cheating. I sure wouldn't have.

Answer 2

Firstly, a real friend wouldn't gossip your personal problems. They should just offer support. However, in light of a speedy spilling of the beans, just tell her you were hasty in some of the facts that happened. It really happened like this........
If this friend has already said things and it ever gets brought up, just correct it and say you spoke without knowing the facts.
Now if you're trying to tell your friend that the hubby didn't cheat, you just made it up....that ain't gonna fly. You just don't say to someone "hey, guess what? I've been cheated on". Shame on you for wanting to lie to your friend.
Personally, I don't you and your husband have a solid future anymore. The damage is done. You'll never have the trust you once had. If he's 30 minutes late coming in from work one day, that thought will creep back into your mind. And even tho it may due to a flat tire, you'll never really believe him 100%.
Rule of thumb: never stay together for the child's sake. What kind of lesson are you teaching you kid then? (No it ain't that ya'll love them).
Don't lie to friends and don't lie to yourself.

Answer 3

The fact that you are worrying about your " friend" spreading around the news tells me that the best way you need to clean your name from the mess is to get new friends. If you do not feel that you can approach this friend and tell them to keep this quiet, then you have the wrong kind of friend. In the mean time, tell this friend that you got some of the facts as far of your husbands infidelity mixed. Don't make it seem like he didn't do anything at all, just make it seem that it wasn't all that you thought was happening. Then....dump the friend, and potentially the husband

Answer 4

Firstly, this isn't your mess, he cheated. You have a right to want to talk to a friend about it. If your husband and you have decided to work on the marriage then explain that to your friend as well. She is not going to be happy about it, but if she loves you she will respect your decision.

If you were to tell her it wasn't true then that is an aweful thing to lie about and you may find that you will lose her friendship out of it. That is too great a cost for what you are already going through.

I don't think you are afraid of scandal, I think you are afraid that he might leave afterall, or that your friends won't respect your decision to stay with him. It seems it isn't only him that needs to look at himself, but you need to work on your self esteem.

Answer 5

There are no guarantees that this person will do what you say ---they may not even remember or care what you told them....so DO NOT BRING IT UP....if you do, you stand a chance of what you fear. Now if she asks--you tell her that you and your hubby worked it out---that's it--case closed----none of her business---talk about something else. You can be proud of yourself--you had the strength and endurance to see past and forgive your mate's indescretion....a lot of people cannot or will not forgive and that's understandable. But you did and thats commendable....but still a private issue between you and your hubby. Next time don't tell anyone anything personal in your married life. Learn to communicate with your mate and you will not need to talk to outsiders. Stand tall, smile and talk about some cool stuff with your friend. Enjoy your visit and best of luck to you.

Answer 6

My experience is honesty is the best policy. It is okay that you shared that with your friend. Before you meet with all your friends you could tell your friend that what you told her was in confidence and you don't want it spread. It is nobody's business that you and your husband have patched things up and are staying together. No one has the right to judge you. You are responsible for your own actions and no one knows your situation better than you.

If any one brings it up just say, it's not up for conversation and change the subject. Good luck.

Answer 7

OH, my gosh... it's like I"ve written the question.... I've done that AND more... I blogged about my pain online for everyone to read... after serious counseling we're back together...I've send emails to everyone I've talked to and apologized for me involving everyone into my business... the good news is that nobody is perfect and we've all done things in the past we regret... Thankfully, everyone (except one person) was very understanding and totally forgiving... I mean, everyone has said things or done things when in pain, so everyone should understand... in regards to someone's comment, "Once a cheater, always a cheater", I disagree... when I was younger, I cheated on my now ex-boyfriend... I was selfish, immature, and stupid... That was the only time I've ever done anything like that, and it's been over 13 years now.... so I don't think you can label anyone as an "Always" unless it happens more than once... after that, I"ll jump on that bandwagon...

Answer 8

You can never take back what you said. Sometimes we say things we don't mean, you can't really fix that. Don't care so much about what the public will say about it,,,,,,,,just know that it is a lot easier to get a divorce and let it all go, than to stay and work it out, so just keep that in mind. You should have friends that won't judge you or spread crap about your situation like that anyways.

Answer 9

My call is Patrina i'm getting referred to as something you may want to likely imagine except my call, so then I basically began telling human beings my call is Trina (about 3 years in the past). Patricia, Katrina those are both maximum uncomplicated mess united statesand infrequently i do not fantastic human beings. i have no humorous memories yet regularly after I fantastic human beings they say. "Oh what a captivating call", i imagine they experience apologetic so that they might want to praise me. this is why i presumed I gave my daughter a acceptance that could want to no longer be screwed up in spite of the undeniable fact that my mothers and fathers mispronouce it occassionally.

Answer 10

You did NOT make this mess. Your husband did. You need friends to talk to. Why would you have your friend believe that you are a liar? Just tell her you and your husband are going to work things out, that you appreciate her being there for you and ask her not to tell anyone. If she is really a friend she will respect your wishes. If she is not, she will tell everyone anyway and tell them that you are a liar. Just be honest with her. That's what friends do.