*sighs* I know this sounds confusing but I need advice....?

Question

I have these two friends, and we are like really close and stuff. Lately though, those two have been like fire and ice with eachother. They talk about each others behind backs, they always are competeing for my attention, and they just drive me insane. I planned on hanging out with them this weekend, but obviously that was a bad idea. I wanted to just maybe do something nice together, see a movie or something, but it ended up a disaster On one side of the story, my friend her names(amanda) dosen't want to hang out with my other friend(Rylie). They put on a front with eachother when I am around, but when I am gone, over the phone all I hear is she is this and she is that. I just wish they would get along...I know everyone can't get along, but should have to come to drastic measures for this to end? I don't want to indvidually hang out with them, because then their will be even more bitterness and pain...someone-advice-please ......thank you

Answer 1

Well, did one of these girls seriously wrong the other? Have you listened to both sides of the story and tried to find out the facts? It might be that one was nasty to the other and you should stick up for the other one. OTOH, if they're just complaining about silly things and you're sure that it's going both ways... then, when Amanda says, "Oh, Rylie is such and such" you should say, "You know, I LIKE Rylie and I DON'T think she's such and such and I don't really want to hear about it." Then change the subject... "So, what did you think of the movie?"

Answer 2

Hi,
Your problem is a common problem. I will say that, the first thing you should do is to take back control of your life.
Right now, you are letting Amanda and Rylie have control over your life by causing you this frustration, worry and causing you to have to make special plans.

Control your life. Being nice and helpful to others is one thing, having their actions have adverse effects on your life is another. If I were in this situation I would separate myself from both of these people and let the dust settle.

Why do I think the dust will settle? Well as a casual observer of people and their ways, I have noticed that when two opposing sides see that they do not have an audience they sometimes lose interest in their quarrels. This is assuming they do not have legitimate reasons to be feuding such as theft, cheating murder etc....

By you stepping back, you will allow them to see that you are not going to play moderator or referee any further.
Show them that you can move on without them and that you will not let their actions drag you down.

I am almost willing to bet they do not want you to leave them behind and will see that they should set aside their differences to gain the real prize, your friendship.

Worst case scenario, they keep fighting an do not hang out with you. If this is the case, then at least you have control of your life back and you can surround yourself with positive people.

good luck.

Answer 3

Makes you wonder what they are saying about you behind your back, doesn't it? I have found that the older I get, the more I appreciate faithful and loyal friends, friends that are always who they are, that don't change behind people's backs. I have become less tolerant of backbiting, gossiping, and those that cause division.

Perhaps you should confront them both with their hypocricy and childishness. Let them know how it makes you feel- that you like them both and it hurts you to see them talking bad about each other like that.

The Bible says that we should talk directly to the person that has offended us. I really try to not hear other people's complaints about a third party- one of the first things I ask is if they have talked to the other person directly yet. If not, then I tell them that they should go directly to the other person, and that I really dont' want to hear any more about it until they do. If they insist on talking about the other person, then make them sit down together and talk. You may be able to put an end to the constant bickering and backbiting, and gain back both of your friends.

No matter what they do, you remain loyal to your friends, and treat them as you would want to be treated. In that way you will gain true friends by being a true friend.

Answer 4

i went through the same thing last year, my two best friends couldnt stand each other, all i simply did was invite one of my other friends out one night that they didnt know and in front of them i asked her if she wanted to do something another night, both of my best friends looked at eachother and finally came to an agreement together that they werent my only friends, they eventually talked things out and now the four of us hang out all the time! it might seem a little sneaky but sometimes trickery works out for everyone...good luck!