okay, in a nutshell, there is an 8 year old child. her parents have always had a rocky relationship. she was an only child until the age of five when her sister was born. she has never accepted that she is no longer the only girl in her daddy's life (she got most of her dad's attention as a small child since her parents never got along well). Now, i'm in her dad's life and she is acting as she did when her sister was born. i don't know how to get her to understand or to accept that she is going to have to share her father, not only with her sister, but with me as well. i'm afraid she might break her dad and me up and i'm not sure what i can do or what he can do about her mindset. any advice is welcomed.
2007-01-25 15:37:59 · 21 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
SUGGEST IN FRONT OF HER AND HER DAD ABOUT GOING ON A FATHER / DAUGHTER OUTING, JUST THE TWO OF THEM FOR A DAY.....
A MOVIE ?
SKATING ?
A WATERPARK ?
WHATEVER IS AVAILABLE IN YOUR AREA
2007-01-25 15:50:12 · answer #1 · answered by Steven H 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well sweetie you sound like a grown woman no child should be able to break you two apart. She's only 8 that means that she isn't fully into the rebellious age yet where she can totally hate you, just thank God you didn't get her while she was a teenager, her hearts still innocent so she can open up to you. You and her are going to be fighting for his attention for the rest of both your lives if this is long term, she's never going to be happy with competing with you.You need to accept the fact that she has a mother, so you may want to try to be her friend, earn her respect and in turn you'll get respect she won't have a problem doing what you tell her. This can work out great for you, since you're just his girlfriend and if you're her friend if it doesn't work out between you and the father then you don't have to worry about her. Though if you take an interest in her, you can't cut the connection that easily it can scar her for life. If you're not ready to be there for her no matter what happens between you and the father, you may want to end things now before people's feelings become wrapped up in this. Consider dating someone who doesn't have children that way the only feelings involved are you and his. Good luck sweetie whatever you decide!
2007-01-25 15:52:15 · answer #2 · answered by April 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her and tell her that Her daddy loves her very much and that will never ever change no matter what. However; you would like to spend time with her daddy and her and her sister. Make sure you put in that you want to spent time with her too. That way she feels less taken out in the relationship and she may even want to be around the two of you. Do things just with the girls and be sure to give the same amount of attention otherwise you will have this problem again with the younger child.
Good luck.
2007-01-25 15:54:02 · answer #3 · answered by tasha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well she is only 8 so she is young and wont understand alot of things until he becomes like 30 or sumthing. since she's the child she does have to come first before you do dear, srry accept it. but mayb if she sees that having a relationship with her father is good, but having a women to spend time with is even more fun she might come around. she's just afriad of accepting a mother-type into her life. mayb she never really had that great of a relationship with her mother. try to show her taht spending time with you is great fun as well. hey mayb even try spending time with her and the father togeaher. that will help her see that even if a women comes into the picture she can still have the time with her father, but also have some wother fun with someone new, and is able to relate to her in the feminine way. i mean think about it, she's only 8 and who's gonna be there for her when she gets her first crush, or first gets interested in make up or even when she gets her first period. that would be kinda akward id her dad helped her wiht that stuff, dont u think? so just give her 2 day with her father, some days wiht u, her and the father and some days where its just 4 girls. That might help her see that some change is gud, and can even make things better for her. i really hope this helps things, and i hope that you're able to make all the right moves. God speed and good luck!!
2007-02-02 15:15:01 · answer #4 · answered by music_angel555 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has to share him, but you have to too, and she was there first. If you're going to enter into a long-term relationship with a man who has children, you're going to have to start sounding a little more loving. If you allienate his kids - you allienate him. Although 8 year olds don't seem like small children these days - they are. You need to back up, give the child space with her Dad when she needs it and sometimes just because she wants it. The parent-child relationship supercedes and is far more important than the parent-girl friend relationship. Her feeling ok, is more important than you feeling ok. Parents make sacrifices for their kids every day - check your attitude at the door where this is concerned and find a way to be accepting and understanding yourself and maybe you won't be the next sacrifice this man has to make.
2007-01-25 15:45:51 · answer #5 · answered by Marvelissa 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
His first priority is her and his other daughter. he needs to get her counseling, both in a family and individual enviroment.
And you should take the advice that the counselor gives, even if it means you step out of the picture for now.
Maybe you should back off, and only see your boyfriend when you go out on dates. Dont be around the kids yet until she fully understands the situation and is over the divorce.
2007-01-25 15:48:19 · answer #6 · answered by independent101 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are jealous of this little 8yr old!!
You have to be patient and loving with her. It's not up to you to 'get' her to understand that you are in her fathers life. You can't force her to like you and you can't force her to want you in her fathers life.
I know that her behavior is frustrating to you, but you have to let it pass. Do activities with her to bond with her, try to become her friend first instead of her evil stepmother. No one wants an evil-stepmother.
Whatever you do, do NOT complain about her behavior to her father... That will be what breaks you up. Not the little girl. I am sure that the father is having a hard enough time dealing with his 2 daughters, he needs your support not your complaints.
You are in the unfortunate situation of being the other woman in his life. His girls come first and are most important.
Try to bond with them, do things with them that they enjoy doing. Bake cupcakes with them to give to Daddy, bake cookies with them for Daddy. Enjoy doing the things that the 8yr old likes doing with her, even if you HATE it with a passion - pretend you couldn't be happier. If you can win her, which I am sure you can if you are patient and loving, you will solve all your problems.
Please don't nag at the Father to do something about his girls. I'm sure if he knew what to do, he would have done it by now.
2007-01-25 15:49:53 · answer #7 · answered by Samantha 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are someone new and like you said it is like you are getting most of daddy's attention. when you all do something together ask her what she wants to do too, like when you go out to eat ask and see what she says make her feel like she is still part of the family or group. also maye lil gifts here and there, and what child does not like to laugh. don't be afraid to let go and be goofy and tell her lil silly jokes. and something i learned from a previous relationship don't show physical affection right away, let her get used to and let her see that you are not there to take daddy away or to take the place of her mommy.
2007-01-25 15:47:48 · answer #8 · answered by j_la_02 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tallulah for particular! Imelda is previous shaped and not in an excellent way. Tallulah is amazingly cutting-area and jogs my memory of a action picture star's call - i'm particular somebody renowned has a daughter call Tallulah Belle??? desire that facilitates!
2016-09-28 00:12:17 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient, be supportive, be open minded and just work through it together. It will be tough, his kids are his first priority, but it is worth it if you love him and you want to be in his life. Let her know daddy will always be her daddy, and always be there for her. It will take time, but when she sees you're not going anywhere she will open up.
2007-01-25 15:48:56 · answer #10 · answered by mistyboo143 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kids are tough and they have in the past and will in the future break up relationships.
If you are sure of your relationship with your man, hold strong and make nice with the little girl. Make her your new best pal around gal soon she will be your most favorable ally and will make him think twice about breaking up the two of you.
It's all about out smarting the kiddies in this situation. good luck.
2007-01-25 15:46:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋