My son ran away. What can I do to get him back ?

Question

My 16 year old son is dating a 19 year old girl who just told him shes pregnant. He wants to marry her, keep the baby, and adopt the son she already has. I told him he has to leave her and if he doesnt ill send him to live with his grandparents or to boot camp. A baby will mess up his whole life. He ran away, Im not worried because I know hes ok and at his girlfriends (she called me so i wouldnt worry). I dont want to get her in trouble for being with him because she hasnt dont anything wrong, and they do love one another but i do want him to leave her. How can I get/make him come home ?

(im his dad, his mom died a long time ago)

Answer 1

That's a shame, all you can do is try to figure out how to play the cards you've been dealt.

Answer 2

I WOULD TALK TO HIM AND HER AND EXCEPT THE FACT IF SHE IS PREGNANT....you seriously cant deny your sons child even if he is 16!!!! you would be the childs grandfather and you have to except that (taht is if she is really pregnant), you should take control as a parent and explain to your son if he wants to do things the right way he should come home and talk to you about the situation hes in you have a right to know (obviously)-- you are his father!!! and also you should give your son time to think about things but that doesnt mean to think about this ILLEGALLY he should be in your home until he is an adult of age (18) i believe in most states and some states (19), you should tell your son if he does not return home you will call authorities and report that he has ran away from home then the 19 yr old will go to jail bc your son is not yet of age and I do not think that he would want that to happen if he is in "love" with the supposible pregnant girlfriend of his ...just let him know son i love you and i would like for your return home and if not explain to him what you will do and it will ending hurting him more than helping him in the end if he would want to continue you stay with his present-girlfriend just let him know that you are there for him no matter what you are his father and you will always support him in everything he does because you have his best interest at heart ..... also let him know if he wants to support his child like you have been doing your son for the past 16 years of his life he will have to remain in school and keep a steady job to hold up finances for the baby and oh by the way about adopting the girlfriends other child i do not think that a 16 yr old would be granted custody of a child when he is still a child himself good luck : )

Answer 3

I realize it is difficult to be a single parent, and you are probably softer on him than you should be because his mother died ~ but dad...look at the path he is going down...it isn't good.

Simple plan. You go there, you tell him to get his 16 year old butt in the car and bring him home. You look the 19 year old straight in the eye and tell her that if she comes near your son, the authorities will be called and she will have a lot more to lose than your son. You tell her that in a week or two, the three of you will sit down and discuss options. But until that time there will be NO CONTACT. Even if it is an idle threat you won't follow up on, you need some time with your son even if it means scaring it into both of them.

Yes dad, she has done something wrong, she seduced a minor. YOUR SON. And has put him on a life path that will lead him to nothing but misery. It is your duty and your job to be the bad guy here right now...he will thank you in the long run. I personally think you should persue legal action...but that is just my opinion.

And exactly what does a 16 year old know about love? You were 16 once, were you worldly? Did you have enough life experience to know the difference between right and wrong or were you just a 5 foot something walking hormone?

When you get your son home, you need to sit down and have a frank discussion with him on how hard and expensive it is to raise a child. Don't threaten to send him away, that won't solve anything. You need to work with him to make him understand that there are choices...and he has to be man enough to be able to talk about them.

As a good father you have to teach him how to be a good father, if they so choose to have this baby. And that means getting his education, getting a good job, being responsible...he wasn't even responsible enough to use a condom...doe he realize all the things a baby needs?? he needs to understand his fantasy of marrying her and adopting her other child doesn't match up to real world reality. When the baby arrives...it won't be about him and his older girlfriend anymore...life will take a drastic change, and he does not realize that....he can't see that far ahead.

Do you have a friend who has a baby your son can get stuck with for 6 hours? Better yet, look into the electronic baby simulators...talk about a reality check of what it will be like to be a father of an infant...he'll HATE it.

At some point you need to sit down with the 19 year old, without your son present and find out what the hell she is thinking...two kids, one with a 16 year old? How does she think they will live? Does she want to be a welfare mom the rest of her life? She is probably barely providing for the one she has now. I personally think you should stress abortion or adoption...for both of their (your son & her) sake.

Then set up a time for all three of you to meet...and even better if you have a 3rd party, such as a counselor, to help mediate it so it doesn't become just a huge fight.

If you like my advice, and want to talk more...feel free to contact me further. I'm a single parent myself....it's tough.

Answer 4

Things have put in motion that cannot be changed, by boot camp or strict methods. You are going to have to come to terms with the facts at hand. If you are too hard on him and try to control him, you will push him away and he can file for independence. The train to making him do what you want has long passed.

He has a child that needs to be supported, and he wants to adopt his girlfriend's child which can use a father figure.Support him, help him advance himself by either education or career advancement, support and accept his girlfriend.

I don't really think you can get him back! Things in his life have led him to be the way he is and the choices he has made. What you can do is support him in his decisions and maybe even financially every once and a while. But, don't support him too much where he doesn't see the need to gain more education or work harder.

Additionally, he would be a prime candidate for the military. Navy and Air Force are pretty much safe deals right now. The Navy my be a little to wild if he wants to keep a relationship going, but he always has the Marines and Army to look at, both are paying major bonuses and have large GI bills for education.

Answer 5

First of all, you say a baby will mess up HIS life, what about the mother, I believe it takes 2. She is already pregnant, so it is to late to think about that. That should have been thought about before they layed down TOGETHER. Your right, he is young and now he is going to have a very hard time. Children do not make a relationship stronger they put a lot of stress on one, that is why people need to be older (25& up) before having children. Why would you want to take him from her, and leave her to deal with this on her own, that is being a little selfish on your part "Dad". He made his bed, now it is time for him to lye in it. You, as his father, need to be supportive, not negative, it doesn't matter if you like this or not, it is done. Now you need to proceed FORWARD.

Answer 6

As a man you should know this: when he is a teenager he doesnt think with his brain, he thinks with his hormones. You cant fight that.

Heres what happens (ask me I learned it the hard way):
You speak truth, and act on what you believe
He is offended and gets serious emotional grudge
5 years later his brain is working again, he has realized the error of his ways, but the grudge and anger last because he has bought into himself and cant let go
20 years later you can start having a relationship.

Or, do the harder thing. Kick him out. Make him pay his own bills. Talk to him, but if he is man enough to be with a woman he is man enough to get a job and pay it. And you tell him "You wanted me to treat you like a man, and thats not a question a man can take back. A man has to work to put bread on the table, and man supports his family. Those are universal truths of manhood. I will talk to you like a man, and listen to you like a man, an equal, but never again like a child. A man takes care of his wife, and child."

Let him go. Let him get his butt handed to him on a plate. Give him the respect that you give a man, and he will grow into that image. Fail to give him that respect, and he will never be the kind of adult that you can admire.

Answer 7

To late on the baby part. She is pregnant and you have to teach him how to be a man now not a child cause that part is over for him. You want him to be there for the child. Never try to make a decision like who your child will see that is asking for trouble. Tell him you love him and you want the best for him, and that you understand his view on the situation. You must say you are sorry for wanting him to leave her at such a delicate time. Tell him to please wait until he graduates from high school to get married and adopted that child cause it will be better for everyone. Make him get a part-time job to help you pay for some bills and help to support the child. Do this to show him how much an education means. Don't give him money make him work for it.

talk to your son as man not a child. Tell him she can come over on some nights to hang out cause you want to get to know her better as well.

Good luck. Tell him you love him.

Answer 8

Your son girlfriend is pregnant with their child did you honestly believe he could just leave her. I mean try to think about this from his point of view. If he leaves her and that baby one day that baby may just come back and hunt him. I'm not saying he has to be with the girlfriend but he does have to take care of that baby.

Talk to your son although most likely he won't care about what you have to say at least give it a try. I mean if you call the police he will hate you forever especially if never gets to see that baby again but then again we teenagers we get over stuff fast.

Answer 9

The more you push and force him to do what you think is right for him, the more he is going to pull away and stick to what he thinks is right.

If she is pregnant with his son, then be glad you raised an honorable son who - no matter how young - isn't going to turn away from his responsibility.

As long as he plans to keep going to school and keep getting some kind of an education, support him. You don't have to agree with him, but support him.

I know he is only 16, I know he is your child and what he is doing makes no sense, but I know that if he is going to do this he is going to do this and if you force him not to you are just going to drive him away from you and damage the relationship you have.

If he is not doing drugs, and if you know that usually he has a good head on his shoulders.. then be there for him.

I suggest that you suggest a counselor for yourself, him and the girl. I think that would help immensely.

I do not envy you or your situation, but I wish you strength and patience.

Answer 10

Uhm, so you think it's a good idea to teach your son that leaving a woman after impregnating her is the behaviour of a respectable man?? It sounds like your son is taking responsibility right now, it might be momentary responsibility, but news flash, unless this woman decides to have an abortion, your son is a father and is legally responsible for this child's welfare. He can leave her and she can come after him for child support. Instead of sending him to boot camp or to his grandparents and encouraging him to become a dead beat dad, you should encourage his responsibility to this baby and also encourage him to learn a trade or skill that can enable him to get a job and support his family. So, what to do? Get him into a GED course and then trade school. His life isn't messed up.

Answer 11

He is only 16 so legally he can't marry her. I think instead of threats of boot camp you should be understanding. He is so young anyway that most likely he will grow tired of being committed and realize that he isn't making the best decisions. I think there are laws that can make him come back since he is a minor.