My wife to be has trouble kissing or being intimate with me?

Question

5 years ago i got engaged to the woman of my dreams. Needless to say i got cold feet for various reasons and called it off. We remained friends however i wanted it to be more. Well we ended up being joined-at-the-hip friends for 4 and a half years and decided to get engaged again.

Problem is she had trouble kissing and being intimate with me(cuddling, hugging, etc.) i agreed to her idea of letting her come to me instead of me trying to seek a kiss or hug from her.


Needless to say it is very hard. Well we are waiting to have sex until wedding night but she keeps talking about how she is scared to kiss me or hug etc, let alone sex.

She adores me and does anything and everything a loving mate would do expect the intimacy...

what do i do? i wanna be able to kiss my wife and her want to kiss me just as much.

=(

Answer 1

I disagree with advice that says you shouldn't marry until this is resolved or your wife to be is "better" in some way.

Marriage is a love committment. The first one for you then, will be to love her without condition and marry her knowing there is an issue she brings to the table that is a painful one for her.

I believe that love does move mountains, so what is one little woman with a hang-up? This will be your first order of business and should begin before the wedding but real and mature love will outweigh the risk in it.

It sounds like she has the comittment that it will take, and that you have the patience. I believe she will want to come to you and will do all that she can to become a lover as well as a friend.

It must be very painful for her right now. Clearly there is something amiss in her. While you begin to work on this issue allow me to remind you that your words will be even more powerful than words from a man to his woman usually are as that is all that you have at the moment to move her with. Let them always be words of acceptance, words of hope and positive feelings. She needs to know that you are on the same side and that a solution will be something you come to together and that her pain is also your pain.

Praise any move she makes. Ask her ocasionally if you might be able to hold her even for just a few moments. I suspect that trust is the issue in some form or another. The more she is touched with a positive outcome the more she will begin to find you as a trusted source of physical and emotional comfort.

I know how difficult, how painful this must be for you. Needing to touch her, to be touched by her and having it be forbidden. But if you can hang in there, wait for it to unfold, it just could be the most rewarding journey of your lifetime, to see your wife begin to open up to you.

It may be a slow and lonely process and I would encourage you NOT to commit yourself to it unless you believe you are in it for the duration. If you were to begin this and then to bail on her the trust she is seeking may forever be comprimised, lost to her and to you.

So I am hoping for the miracle, because I want to believe in love. Ya see, I lost my man to suicide a couple of years ago. Lost to a day I can never recover, a moment I will never have to tell him I could have helped. I adore seeing people discover and accept one another. I think you may have what it takes to see this thru.

Answer 2

I enjoy sex but dont really like kissing. Im the same way. Some people just dont like kissing. Its not because of some sort of traumatic experience so thats a bunch of CROCk. If you all have never had sex in the span of this relationship, I would say its worth waiting (given everything else is satsifactory); but if you all had sex before and all of a sudden shes putting you thru this because you left her jilted, then she may be resentful. Communicate with her about whats bugging her and you. I cant tell if you ever had sex with her, but if you both were never intimate-how is this some kind of surprise?

Answer 3

Is it just me or is this unusual and inappropriate? neither of these matter if it bothers YOU. This is something that should be discussed - don't fight right away as they may have always done this. True, they may have more than regular feelings for each other, which would stink, but is not impossible for a friendship of that type of long term standing. You need to make yourself comfortable and talk to your husband and let him know that it made you uncomfortable even if it did not mean more than a kiss on the cheek to him. DON'T ASK IF THEY WERE EVER TOGETHER - YOU MAY WANT TO BUT YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT TO KNOW - BUT MY BET IS YOU WILL ASK ANYWAY BECAUSE HUMAN NATURE MAKES US THAT WAY. approach this with your mind, not your heart - or at least try.

Answer 4

I don't think you should get married. If she can't even be intimate beforehand it will be worse. Something might have happened while you two weren't dating or she isn't that into you. How was she before you two broke it off the first time? Some people do have intimacy problems and that would explain it if they were present in the beginning but its not normal for them to appear out of no where. Try couples counseling.

Answer 5

She's not going to change after you commit the rest of your life to her, so prepare yourself for a woman who has no interest in being physically intimate with you. "Love and adore" includes kissing and being intimate - she doesn't. She doesn't want you. Either get premarital counseling or call off the wedding and meet someone who actually loves you. You're engaged to a friend

Answer 6

Don't marry her! Intimacy and physical affection are crucial to a happy marriage. If she cannot even bring herself to kiss you, she will certainly not enjoy sex with you. Do you want to always crave what she will not give you. It sounds like she is happy to be just friends and wants the security of a marriage. She may have emotional/mental/abuse issues, but regardless of the reason for her inability or disinterest in intimacy, it will make a successful marriage difficult, if not impossible.

Answer 7

She's afraid of the unknown. Try getting some books to read together or suggest she do internet research on what she's so afraid of. Learning about what to expect may help ease her fears. She may also be afraid you will call it off again so she's protecting her heart. Reassure her that you love her and that you'll wait as long as it takes.Be patient, everything will work itself out. Good Luck! =)

Answer 8

could she be wondering if you going to get cold feet again ,when the time approaches,you did it once .
something Tell's me you caused this ,and now she feels insecure .
you guy's sound like made in heaven ,i don't think doc's can help her ,it's all up to you .
quit waiting for her to make the first move ,set the mood ,cook her candle light dinner,bubble baths,romantic walks ,night's only to pleasure her ,don't expect nothing back ,lusty massages ,with no intercourse ,buy sex games the ones to win she as to kiss you or hug you ,truth or dare .
wish you much luck .

Answer 9

Maybe she was abused in some way. Start with kissing her on the back of her hand and work your way up. Be gentle and most of all PATIENT. Start with this and work your way up getting closer and closer each time. Eventually you'll end up in the forbidden zone and she'll be enjoying it. Or, maybe the flood gates will open up on your wedding night.

Answer 10

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

I am not joking. GET OUT NOW.

IT ONLY GETS WORSE.

Seriously. I am not kidding. You will never, EVER be sexually satisfied by this type of woman. "I'll come to you." What complete and utter h o r s e s h i t. SHE WILL NEVER BE IN THE MOOD, MAN. (Okay well maybe once every 7 or 8 months. But don't get any on her. It's icky.) GET OUT NOW. You will be frustrated every minute of every hour of every day of every year you waste on her.

RUN - you have been warned.