Why would someone who is prejudiced against Hispanics, marry a Hispanic person?

Question

My wife has shown strong prejudices against blacks, asians, and hispanics. It was extremely subtle ten years ago, not even noticable, but is now more pronounced. Her teenage boys occasionally tell her she is a racist. I have, in the past, written off my suspicions of her prejudice as oversensitivity on my part. ( I am Hispanic.) Several years ago, she admitted to me that she is prejudiced against Hispanics. I don't understand how she can justify that it is not a problem, or anything unusual. Her typical response to my questions about it is "many people feel like I do." The obvious implication is that because others feel likewise, there is nothing wrong with it. Why would someone want to marry someone from an ethnic minority when they are prejudiced against members of that group?

Answer 1

Well she loves you (or unless she married you for some personal benefit), but regarding her prejudice towards Hispanics, that was there before she even met you. And I dare guess she was strongly influenced in her mind for many years (possibly by her family members) and during her growing up years, to have that kind of prejudice towards Hispanics. The mind and emotion are different parts of our soul.

Answer 2

Perhaps your wife is referring to the gang members among minority groups. She is obviously not prejudiced against all Hispanics--or she would not have married you.

One time a friend of mine, who claimed to like everyone regardless of race, religion, etc. said "let's get out of here," as a group of Black boys approached. Shocked, I said to her that I thought she had nothing against anyone. Her reply was that she didn't like groups of young men at night--any young men. So she was prejudiced against not a color or ethnic origin, but of youth--as she feared trouble.

Answer 3

Reading your question, I thought to myself that it might be out of denial of her prejudice, but after reading your description afterwards it seems she may be in denial of the diversity within her own ethnic group.

Prejudice against any ethnicity is a rash generalization, I believe it's just another way of saying there are specific kind of tendencies, behaviors and attitudes that I don't like in any person; regardless of race, gender, orientation, etc...; and I can't seem to gather the right words to express what it is that I don't like, but I 'think' I commonly see it among these ethnic groups (without realizing or simply denying that those same tendencies, behaviors and attitudes are also carried out by many people within her ethnic group).

I think she'll come around when she starts to expose herself on a regular basis to your family and many people other ethnicities, including those of her own ethnic origin. You be the judge of this, but it may just be that she has limited exposure to the diversity of any one ethnic group. I'm almost sure she'll find herself to gain a sense of care towards all ethnicities when she realizes and accepts that all the tendencies, behaviors and attitudes that she doesn't like can be found within the diversity of any one ethnic group.

I guess it comes down to exposure and acceptance of herself.

Best Wishes,
-Yiu

Answer 4

What's so difficult to understand about that? You have a very one- dimensional understanding of people. It's normal to separate some individual from the pack, and feel one way about the individual, and another thing about the others. You simply conclude that this one person is different. I would not believe that you do not do that yourself.

Let me tell you, it is utterly common for Southern whites who are racist to have true friends who are black. They love their black friends; they'd die for their black friends. But if you surveyed that person you'd conclude they have a lot of racism toward blacks as a group. They'd probably say their black friend just doesn't have then same negative qualities as other blacks.

Hollywood doesn't understand this in its movies but you ought to figure it out if you've been married to this woman.

Answer 5

Many times I have found myself criticizing others for the same things I myself have been guilty of. I believe that as human beings we tend to see the wrong in others and live in denial of our own faults even if they are the same as those we complain about in others. For instance, a jealous husband who comments on another husband's jealousy but doesn't view himself as a jealous husband. Does that make sense?

I think your does not view you, or family or your children as the "Hispanics" she is so prejudiced of. In her eyes you are better than those "Hispanics" and do not possess any of the "Hispanic" qualities she complains of. Love is blind as they say. She may be a perfect example of this cliche.

Answer 6

Maybe tradition dictated the race of her spouse. I think a lot of that prejudice comes from self-hate. It's nice to know that your sons have rejected her course of thinking, though. Suerte!!

Answer 7

I all actuallity sweetie, they're racist!!! All african people at the on the spot are not lazy. all of us at the on the spot are not african people both only because we are darkish. I have met some lazy white adult adult males and God knows they were lazy. you should sense free for you! Your father and mom won't be able to stay the way they go with by ability of you. You pray on your father and mom and ask God to manage their hearts and minds, in case you do go with to marry a darker guy, it will be their possibilities at going to hell for no longer accepting him. only because we do good issues, do not propose we continually have good hearts. it is no longer an opinion, they're racist.

Answer 8

Love?

are you sure its race and not situations that she is commenting on....truly, I don't see how she could be prejudice against a whole race of people and be married to one....it don't make sense...

Answer 9

I sure wouldn't marry any race I was prejudiced against

Answer 10

Don´t undestand either, the only thing that I can tell you is that you might want to get a lawyer.

Best of luck!