question for married people?

Question

Ok i am 40 husband is 44 have been happily married 18 yrs and we are having our first and im sure only baby..Well anyways a LOT of people have said negitive things about this like how rediclous it was waiting 18 yrs to have a baby plus at our ages our child will grow up with old parents and other people have said nobody waits 18 yrs to have a baby..Does anybody agree with these people and i know it shouldnt matter what other people say and it doesnt but i wanted to know what other people think about this..There was NO health problems causing this long of a wait BUT for years we struggled with money and only in the last few yrs are we finally able to provide for a child properly

Yes i know all of the health risks but everything is going great.

Answer 1

I don't agree with them. Who cares what they say, if you want to have a baby, then do it. The last time I checked it was a free country, and piss on everyone else, make yourselves happy! Congrats!!

Answer 2

I don't know why it is that pregnancy and parenting make so many people believe you have a need to hear their unsolicited advice and comments. People also think they have a right to touch you while you are pregnant, which I never understood. You don't own them an explanation for your life choices. Next time someone starts saying something negative like that just say, "Boy, that was rude!", or "I am sorry you feel that way about it!", then walk away. People don't even realize how ignorant they sound when they start a rant like that. A short simple comment like this can disarm them and make them think about what they said. Besides, I am in my 30's and last time I checked 40 wasn't retirement age. Lots of women wait to have children nowadays. Just think of all the fun and romance you and your husband got to enjoy together that you wouldn't have had if you had started a family sooner. A baby can put a strain on the best of marriages, especially when there are money problems too. Your baby will be born to intelligent loving parents who are trusting of each other and experienced enough to handle life's ups and downs. Congratulations!!! Enjoy your baby! Spoil it rotten and tell everyone else to mind their own business.

Answer 3

It's funny how other people both inside and outside the family feel that they have the right to weigh in on things that are none of their business. How dare they put a damper on you joy!

My former mother-in-law had a baby at 48. Even though he was not her first, people said the same types of things. That baby is now middle aged and she and her husband are elderly but in good health and enjoying the 5 grandchildren he gave them!

You owe these people no explanation for waiting. The best advice I've ever seen was something I read in an advice column yesterday. When people say rude things or ask rude questions, answer them with stony silence. Then change the subject. (If you don't even feel like changing the subject, I'd consider just walking away to be a respectable alternative as well.)

Answer 4

Oh honey, how lovely.. Congratulations to the two of You. This is the best news I have heard all day.. Life has given you a gift, and except it with great JOY, do not let anyone put a damper on it.
What does it matter how long you waited, how many years you have been married, how old you are now, and when the child is 18. You have been blessed.. and if you have been so blessed, everything else will fall into place.. Just thing of your baby and get that little room ready for him/her. My God, you two are so young, 40 and 44.. think of all the years still ahead of you and all the JOY and FUN you two will have with your little child by your side. Do not worry. Just tell those busy-bodies to mind their own business.
God Bless you and give you Peace. Congratulations again.

Answer 5

I'm sure you are aware of the increased risks in pregnancy and childbirth at your age. But it's your business not anyone else's. You might be older but the fact that you say "happily married for 18 yrs" is a good sign. So you will be 60 when your child is 20. That's not so bad or not so old. Your child will be brought up in a loving and stable 2-parent household. That's more than most kids get these days. I say good for you and good luck to you and your little family. I wish you well.

Answer 6

It's not their business. When you have a baby is up to you and your husband. I briefly dated a guy that was the middle of 3 kids. When we dated he was 20 and his sisters were 23 and 19. His dad was 65 and his mom was 64. At that point they'd been married 45 years! That was 13 years ago and his parents are in really good health and are now enjoying their grandkids and I bet they're around to see great grandkids as well.
Don't listen to other people's negativity! And congrats on your little one! ;-)

Answer 7

you know what. You should feel really good about your choice. Think of all the children in the world that are brought into the world with parents who think they will be together and then are not or into a struggling family who can not provide as well to them. You and your husband chose not to be selfish and instead be selfless. You put your offspring, child first instead of your need to reproduce or to full fill yourself. You are in a place where you know how much the two of you love one another and have proven the test of time. You are secure and neither of you are going anywhere. You are loving one another enough to of waited. So that you did not put a strain on your lives, your relationship. Having a child and then stressing out about money not only creates a life in which the child grows up feeling this way and feeling it is their fault. I hope you and your husband remind yourselves that you waited so you could provide and love your child. Congrats. You put him or her FIRST. YAYAYAYAYAY. please feel this for it is the truth and deep down you really get this and these people who say this stuff are only drawing out your insecurities. Dont fall into it. Do not let your insecurities rule. Just know that they are there and you do feel you are older and you are unsure about it. Try to know that you have learned so much more in your life then us 30 yr olds or 20 yr olds having children. There is so much more you have to offer at your ages. My father in law just turned 60 this past wednesday his youngest son is 8 months older than his granddaughter. His other younger son is a yr younger than his other grandaughter. So do not even think twice. You know you are able to put them before your needs and you have accomplished the biggest act of sharing and faith I have ever been blessed with knowing of. So thank you for restoring my faith in humans. In parents.

Answer 8

Congratulations and good for you! You are never too old to love a child, and you sound very responsible. My husband and I waited only 5 years before having our daughter, but she is the most amazing and wonderful thing that has ever happened. I was scared of the life change becoming a parent would bring, but now I don't know why we waited as long as we did. She has brought us more joy than we ever thought possible. Don't listen to any criticism, and shame on those who are so willing to give a negative opinion.

Answer 9

These people dont know what they are talking about.When I was born my dad was 56 and my mother was near 40 .People said Dad would never see me reach 18 .He died last year at 88 I was 34 years old .You probly did the best thing for you two by waiting till you could afford it,Ignore others silly comment and focus on your own joy.congratulations on a beautiful new Baby joining your family.May you all have the best of health.Older parents have more moneyand more time in general.Ours were always taking us to church services ,The park,sled riding and to amusement parks really your baby is lucky. Just dont spoil it.

Answer 10

You know what? Good for the both of you and congratulations! I was 37 when I had my first and close to 40 when I had my second one and the doctors and everyone gave me horror stories about the risks of having a Downs Syndrome. But, I truly believed that if I was meant to have a healthy baby I would and if I was going to have a Downs Syndrome baby, then that what was meant to me. Listening to people and their opinions is only opening to doors for criticism. Enjoy your pregnancy since I truly enjoyed mine. I loved every minute of it. Be thankful that you are pregnant and everything is fine so you can really enjoy having a baby. It is YOUR life and your husband's. You did not marry everyone else, therefore, they should mind their own business and wish you the best of happiness.

Answer 11

I know people who put their career first or just weren't ready to have a baby yet with it's life long responsibilities. More women are having babies later in life now more than ever. I'm sure you've grappled with the fact it's harder (and riskier) at this age to conceive and of course there is the where will you be when they graduate discussion. There are also benefits like being more financially independent having great life experience and, in your case, a loving marriage that has stood the test of time. If you're okay with all of this, have your baby. There's no other love like it and I would hate for you to miss out because of social norms.