His mother has cancer, and she will also give him (and to him about me-) hell. We live next door, and they constantly worry him. If it isn't about his father's back problems it's his mother's cancer. He cleans her house so she won't call me nasty names behind my back. I asked him if he went to her about treating herself (she wont') And he said he had (3 times). I told him she has no right to be mean to me. (he wants to protect me) Or to him. He simply says, "We're close". I don't think close mothers controll their children by being mean to their spouses. (we live next door.) I just want him to talk to me. (Or put his foot down) But we were raised so differently. His mother rules his house, while my house is ruled by my father. (supposedly, i rebelled long ago.) I don't want to hurt him, it's a very sensitive matter with him. I JUST DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!
2007-01-25 12:39:33 · 8 answers · asked by justkiddingu 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He just might be really hurt and worried about his sick mom right now and does not know how to communicate this to you... Just love and be there for him and work with him through this. I really feel for all of you in this situation. you really should not be living next door to his parents... Have you ever seen the show Everyone Loves Raymond... talk about discunctional and the mom was always trying to butt into their marriage and life and tell them how to live... Do you guys own your house or are you renting... If you own then sell and move and if you rent then move. The sooner the better i think. I wish you the best and hope your marriage gets better soon.
2007-01-25 12:51:25 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're putting him in the middle of an impossible situation. How awful this must be for him to have to make choices between his wife and his mother.
She won't be in his life forever. You have a chance to give him a lovely gift. Swallow your pride and help him with his mother. Take her abuse and know that you are his chosen one, not her.
It takes a real woman to be able to stand up in this way. If you do what you can to take him out of this middle man position and restore some of his life to harmony I'm sure he will always be grateful and quite devoted to you, just as he is to his mother right now.
Do you get my point? Mature love gives in, stands down and makes the necessary sacrifices to see that the object of her affection is as comfortable as she can make him.
2007-01-25 21:00:25 · answer #2 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first mistake was buying a house next door.
My advice is: Find jobs farther away, and move. Then limit phone contact. These people are lording it over you because they can. There is proximity, and they have a hook in your husband they use to manipulate him.
I know exactly how you feel here - if my husband and I didn't live two thousand miles away from my MIL, she'd be doing the exact same thing to him.
2007-01-25 20:55:43 · answer #3 · answered by Guernica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having an ill mother ( in-law) at your side, it would be impossible to separate ties and residence. Stand by your man and support him in his predicament. Maybe the reason he does not talk things with you, is because he is "alone" in dealing with this matter. It is useless to talk to someone who can not empathize or understands. If you can not accept their type of family bonding, at least, accept your husband for what he is "made of." Start with helping him clean your mother-in-law's house....Just try and be patient to see the difference....
2007-01-25 21:35:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. His mother is controlling and manilupating him.
2. She is jealous of you for "taking him" away from her.
3. She will continue to play the game. Moving away will bring more guilt.
I hate to say this, the only reasonable scenario for now is for you to move back to your parents or another place and wait your turn.
Sorry, your parents are in control of him through pity and, unless he puts his foot down and tells "mom" to "take turns," nothing will change.
Give him enough room but too much is too less for you.
2007-01-25 20:56:13 · answer #5 · answered by n9wff 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Know that he is in a tough spot and support him. Don't ask him to be someone he is not and do something he is not inclined to do. You chose a man who chose to live next door to his parents. You are just going to have to live with it.
I feel sorry for him. If you give him grief, it's 3 against one. If you love him up, its you 2 against the world. It's your choice.
2007-01-25 21:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by adamsjrcn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't an answer to your dilema but it might help you any way...The difference between outlaws and in-laws is out laws are wanted.
2007-01-25 21:18:14 · answer #7 · answered by n0s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your husband doesn't talk, you do the talking and make sure he does something or else you divorce him!!! a grown man with no backbone is simply AWFUL!!!
2007-01-25 20:52:27 · answer #8 · answered by wat_more_can_i_say? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋