how can i keep a relashionship goin with very low self esteem?

Question

im 29, i battle psychological/ psychiatric problems. i live in a flat on my own. iam very lonely as a person. i have no friends, but im very close to my mum,& she is great support for me. however iam desperate for love & a relashionship from a girl. but the realisation is how will i get that, dealing with the problems i have, including, low self worth, high anxiety about everything. lots of insecurities. racing thoughts. im desperate to address these issues that ive had since 16. i dont have many possessions & live in a small flat. i have been speaking to a girl from canada on the internet for over 18 months, shes 20, and i feel i have established a close relashionship with her. she even wants to move to england to be with me..problem is i truly despair when i think how would i be able to handle and maintain a relashionship with someone who i love, with all the problems im struggling with?? , even though im doin well, i worry if she learned about my circumstances and came over and saw

the way things really are for me, she wouldnt want me. i feel i have nothing goin for me right now. and i despair because i want love, happiness and a relashionship

thankyou everbody for your answers and support, means a hell of alot to me

Answer 1

Relationships can't work unless we are wanting to give, not take. You sound needy right now. It sounds to me like you need to be honest about who you really are with this girl, and start doing things to help you gain a good sense of self love. Until you truly love yourself, accept yourself..exactly as you are, then a relationship can not work.

Answer 2

you need to work on your self esteem pronto. It's a constant and conscious effort you will have to carry on daily. It takes a lot of time to get to where you want to be but it CAN be done. If you don't start doing this now, your chances of keeping this new love in your life are slim to nil.

The best advice I can give is that you need to let go of the past. Whatever it is that is holding you done, you need to make the descision that this part of you has to die so that you can live. You should also try setting short term and long term goals and REACH THEM. This boosts your morale bigtime. Stop negative thinking, stop beating yourself up and focus on postive things. But by far the best thing to do is do for others, help others and be a good person. Being a caring giver will do much to heal your self esteem. Oh and I dunno if your a believer but prayer never hurt anyone.

Good luck man, I know how it is, I was there once. But just remember, if you don't like yourself, no relationship will ever really work. So get to it.

Answer 3

I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but I can't. I am going to tell you what you need to hear, and hope it helps.

Love has many imitators, and none provide the benefits of love in the long run. Love is a gift, given and received only as a gift, and without expectation. It can't be a trade. If the same acts are given as a trade or with expectation, it's not love- it's dependency.

In order to get the nurture of love, you have to be able to give gifts, and accept gifts. If you are needy, you won't have gifts to give, nor will you be able to receive them as such. You are in a position now that is obviously needy and dependent.

Relationships complicate growth- it's actually harder to grow in one than out. Dependent relationships provide temporary relief, which feels better but diminishes the motivation to grow. But they also end in failure, which reinforces the belief that you will never succeed.

Anyone you can keep in a relationship will have some parallel dependencies; it's not likely to become a healthy situation. I think the best thing you can do is to put your growth on the top of your priority list, focus on it, work on it and let nothing stand in your way. It must be above your pain and above your need.

If your problems are actually psychiatric, and by that I mean truly related to mental illness, you need psychiatric support.

If they are psychological, related to beliefs or your programming, you can overcome them. It's not easy, and it does take courage- but it's no harder than what you are putting up with now. And, growth has a future, that otherwise will never exist for you.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Before the two of you plan for her to move to England, you should share your feelings with her completely. She may be the person you need to work through things, she may be a very good listener and give good advice or just be a very stong support system for you. Then you donthave to struggle alone, you can have an open and honest relationship. If she feels she will not be able to help you, then at least you were honest with her and yourself and you know its not meant to be. Then you might want to take the time to get help either through community groups or through self-help books if you prefer. Then when you feel you are comfortable with yourself, maybe this girl with still be around or maybe you will able to find someone else at that time.
Thank you for sharing something so personal, I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Geez, pull yourself together man. You're being a pu$$y. You're "desperate" to address the issues you've had since the age of 16? What the hell are you waiting for then? It's been 13 years, get on it! Also you shouldn't bank on a relationship with a 20 year old. An internet one at that. Didn't I already tell you to get a dog?

Answer 6

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Answer 7

ok here we go.....first sounds like you lied to her? if you lied your screwed jump ship now and learn your leason other wise it's like this just go for it she is the one taking all of the risk you really have nothing to lose your not with her now and never will be as long as she's in canada sure you could have an internet buddie for life but you dont want that you want a REAL woman , and most of the time you have to go to bars or play a sport or do all sorts of stupid **** to find one, but SOME HOW you managed to find one on the internet whos willing to move in with you from half way around the world dont be stupid go for it, sure it's scary and sure your going to have a million thoughts running through your head but thats natural it's a scary thing , do really think someone who jumps outta planes for fun isnt scared of what thier doing? sure they are!! i do it! but you just have to suck it up and deal
and one tip dont always say everything you think in fact you may have more freinds if you never really spoke at all hahaha but seriously you have a good chance for happiness right now with 0% risk so why not try it? worst case senerio she comes over takes one look at you and turns around and leaves.. what have you lost one of your buddies from myspace....really...... big deal...
she's the one risking everything not you so grow up shut up and put up thats how you'll make it through buddie

Answer 8

Buck up. You need to get out of the dumps. Women don't like hanging around depressed men. Improve your self esteem with accomplishment. Above all, STOP MOPING!

Answer 9

Everyone has something to bring to the table. Find what yours is. And go with that ability. It's inside you. Just be positive about it. And they'll see a much better you. Luck!

Answer 10

be honest as you are on this site. reply