are my parents controlling?

Question

hi im 17 and my parents are control freaks!!! They want me to get a job and nag me about it countless times, yet at the same time they govern when i can and cannot sleep and take naps even when i am physically fatigued. They tell me that i cannot watch tv after 10 and my mother must watch with me the tv show for her approval. I have a car that my grandmother purchased for me and they will not let me use it to my benefit they feel they are in need of it more, meanwhile i have paid for many of the repairs on the car. They are always looking for ways to ground me from the car so they can use it, I may even get grounded for posting this when they read it. My mother considers me an adult when she wants something done yet i am a child when she wants me to be a robot and do what they instruct me to do. Is this all contradicting to their beliefs? They bestow on me a great deal of emotional distress. What shall i do? (Keep in mind I will ask them to read your responses)

My parents justification for all of this is the fact that they are Christian and they are protecting me from the iniquities of the world.

Answer 1

They might be strict, but you have to remember they are your parents. They are emotionally and legally responsible for you. Getting a job at 17 is a good thing, seriously. It will help you so much when you get out into the real world. You'll make better money faster.

While teenagers do need more sleep than adults, sleeping too much can be a sign of depression and can cause it. Not having a job, but wanting to have complete freedom with the car are contradictory. I bet if you show them you can be responsible with a job, they will let you have more freedom with the car.

At this age, there are so many things that can set you on the wrong track, I don't blame your parents. Prove to them that you are a responsible kid with a good head on your shoulders and I think you will be surprised.

Answer 2

Dear young lady,
If your account is completely accurate, I think your parents, (though apparently to you heavy-handedly) have every right to "urge" you to get a job. I'm assuming that you're no longer in school. Watching TV (did you buy it?) after 10 would tend to make getting up early to job search every day a very difficult thing. Do you now contribute anything to the household...even so much as cleanup, dishes, laundry or other? You sound as though you "live" there but "expect" to be treated as though you were the boss. At 17 you're sure you know it all. If you do, you'd be hot to get that job so you can afford to find your own apartment, pay the rent, and the electric and the food bill and the many other expenses you seem to be taking very much for granted.
What are you physically fatigued from? If your fatigue is unnatural for your age and health, you ought to be seeing a physician to determine why you're tired.
You may well be experiencing depression and if that's the case, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Counselling and/or medication may be necessary, but it needs to be addressed without delay.
You've got a bone to pick with your folks about the car. Your grandmother bought it, but who pays for the insurance and the gas to run it?
If your parents pay the insurance and the gas, whatever they use the car for ultimately benefits you in some way, too.
You are, after all, living in THEIR HOUSE and should be making some kind of contribution to its upkeep.
If you're doing none of these things, I see little recourse; they ARE your parents and they are acting responsibly, if even not to your liking.
The emotional stress will only ease up when you've made a mental and physical commitment to get up and pitch in.
You have choices so don't lay it all on your parents. It's grow up time!

Answer 3

I truly think that your parents are a little over the edge. They need to understand that you are 17 years old and you have a life to live also. You need to be a teenager and enjoy life: like watching TV (with out your mother supervising you and you are not 10 anymore). They should let you drive the car to work or whatever else you have to go to because these days you can't trust everyone out there and especially you can't depend on the bus all the time neither. Driving is some type of independents that you have and getting a job and paying for the insurance is also responsibility. So your parents just need to realize that you are growing up and that you need your little freedom and privacy and show them that you can be trusted and have a good head on your shoulders. Once they see that, they would breath easier because they would see that they have a child that knows what they are doing and has a good head on their shoulders. Just remember you are not going to stay 17 all your life (soon you will be 18 years old)...

Answer 4

My parents wanted me to get a job when I was a teenager too! DO IT! It is so much more satisfying and liberating to make your own money. Most of my friends' parents were always paying their way and you grow up to be much more self-reliant by making your own money and having the responsibility! As far as sleeping and taking naps... Are you staying up too late?

My parents had also gotten me a car when I got my license...I actually remember having the same conversation..."It was their car until it needed an oil change or new brakes...then it was mine"

I don't really have any advice on that one...because I actually didn't pay for it...it was theirs!

You may believe your parents are being controlling and I can totally relate...it wasn't that long ago for me...but I honestly believe that for the most part parents just worry so much about their children turning into good people! From the way it sounds, your parents are doing a good job if you will be able to talk to them about this situation!

Good luck and enjoy your parents...you'll miss them when you move out!

Answer 5

Ok.. Your parents are kinda controlling... Dont you have to be 18 to get a job?? If it is your car, then you are in charge, right.. That is silly that you are 17 and they have to watch the show. I am 13 and I can stay up until 10:30 every night.. Even on school days.. And if they read what you wrote, tell them that that is the way you feel and that you believe you are old enough to make your own decisions... That is what i would do at least
Brittany

Answer 6

Go get yourself a job, buy a new car, and move out when you are 18 if you think life on your own is so much better! Your rents just care about you, I mean about the tv watching well thats almost unbelievable but as far as the car goes, why should you be able to use it if you don't even have money to pay for gas without a job? How did you pay for repairs on a car without a job? There are not cheap to fix believe me....And about the whole robot when she wants you to do something, you are living under her roof so what she says goes! However *****y it is sometimes, you have to deal with it!

Answer 7

Wow, I'm christian too but i'm only a freshmen in high school. Some things, I agree with your parents on like the whole get a job thing. It's hard to explain, it's a girl thing i guess, but the whole no tv after ten and the whole your mom has to watch the show with you thing. eh, that, I wouldn't call controlling, just more like overprotective. Everyone gets it, only girls usually get it more from their dads and guys from their mothers. It's probably because you're 17 and soon you'll be an adult. It'll be a big adjustment for your entire family. But there's a lot of trust involved. I don't live in your house, so if you gave them some reason really not to trust you, then it'll be hard to get in control again.

Answer 8

Well, if I didn't read the follow-up I would just have said that they're over-zealous, but if they use religion as an excuse that's kind of annoying.

They shouldn't be protecting you from any of the bad parts of the world when your 17! You should know about it all by then, and I think you should talk to them about being a bit more lenient.

The getting a job part, though, may be a good idea, unless you're swamped with schoolwork. Maybe if you get a job, they'll let you use your car?

Answer 9

I dont have enough information to know if your parents are controlling. I can tell you that any parent that tries to make and enforce rules, proves they love you--even when it doesn't seem like it. So prove you can handle adult responsibility by acting like an adult. Sit down with a reasonable tone and a reasonable plan--talk with them. My own teenagers eat me out of house and home and you are probably no exception. Add that to the cost of your living expenses, school, clothes, etc. you get the idea. No this is not just a business and I get that you are the kid, but you want to be an adult its time to take on some responsibility. What chores can you be counted on to take care of? How do you contribute to the house? Also, why not come up with a progressive list of things you'd like to be able to do....you need to be clear about what "freedoms" you are looking for.... start say with one Friday night out....and if that goes well..... add something, and so on. At 17 my kids had a 12/12 rule. They had to call home at midnight and noon whenever they were not at home. Its easy to remember. That way, if I didn't like where they were staying or family plans changed they could come home at midnight. The to do list (like a robot) might just be because you haven't identified your contributions so your mom is finding she has to keep telling you the next thing that needs to be done... they are probably way too busy like the rest of us. Hows your grades? If they are up, mention that. If they aren't, get them up. I am not sure why you are fatigued at 17....and your parents are probably a litttle suspect of that too. You might need to see a doctor or get real about the work that needs to be done. The car thing is a touchy subject...I would say it will pretty much follow whatever else is going on in the house. If all is well the car thing will iron itself out....but if you are in conflict with the rents dont expect a lot of cooperation on the car. This last thing is for your parents more than you.... its not really possible to ground a 17 year old....its more hassle and insulting than its worth. Its about cooperation and establishing a new adult relationship with your kids that will eventually turn into a wonderful supportive but separate adult friendship. when I asked my kids to vacuum they would run the uum through the middle of the room; dishes were half aersed stacked in the dishwasher or just a few left behind....I learned two things: (1) I no longer ground anyone. I have a "dirty job jar" These are the jobs that no buddy likes (like cleaning toilets and car floor mats, window washing). I hand them out like tickets. There is NO anything, no phone, no tv, no friends, no fun, no freedom until the job is done (mind you none of the jobs would take more than 20-30 mins if y ou just get it over with). But my teens can stay miserable as long as they like.....my daughter once held out for days. and (2) This relationship is a two-way street. When the kids are 4 years old its all about mom doing and dad doing FOR them no matter what. But as they get older they need to learn to relate to others. So if you give me half effort, half cooperation, I no longer keep giving you 100 percent either. It took a while for me to figure it out.... but after I left the little varmits 3 or 4 blocks from school with a armful of books and gear they got the idea. I also made a couple of half-dinners and stopped washing all the laundry. It made my point. In any event...you both need to use your sense of humor....this time will pass faster than you can imagine.... All the best to you....

Answer 10

In my opinion, they should really give you a little bit of breathing space. There is nothing wrong with them bugging you to get a job, I'm on there side on that one. However, they have no right to take your car if you are the one who pays for all of the renovations. Besides, your grandmother bought it for YOU not THEM, YOU. Having to watch TV ALL of the time with your mom can get annoying. If your 17, then you should be allowed to watch anything NC-17 and below, but that's just what I think. From everything that you are telling me, I think that they don't trust you enough. You should ask them why they control you. You should tell them that you deserve to have some freedom.