Please help - fear of flying, can't calm down?

Question

I am terrified because my mother is on a 10 hour flight to India and will be until 7AM British time. I know I'm being very silly, but please spare me the sarcastic replies, I need your help.

I know that flying is the safest form of travel, etc... I've flown all my life, at least 60 times, and only ever ran into problems once. I'm still petrified, though. It makes no sense whatsoever, but I guess phobias rarely do.

It affects me physically - I get this hideous indigestion, which feels like a huge knot in my stomach, whenever a member of my family flies. It never stops until after I hear they've landed safely. It's really bad at the moment and will be for the rest of the night, which will be fun as I have to get up to run my store in the morning.

I'm just so scared! How can I stop worrying myself sick in this fashion? Please help, any advice would be great.

Thanks.

Not Ecky Boy: thanks for the laugh! Nytol doesn't work so I don't think Diazepam will help me much...

Clarity: I know what you're saying is absolutely correct, but the point was that I can't actually follow your advice, hence I posted this question!

Thanks for all the answers, much appreciated. I'm definitely not a control freak, consciously or otherwise, although it must have come from something deep rooted. Still, phobias are not rational so it's

I remembered something today - I saw a plane coming in to land with one of its jets on fire, a long time ago!! That would explain it...

Answer 1

Though we may know logically that flying is the safest way to travel, once the fear sets in, it’s very difficult to let it go. But if you maybe know why flying is safe and learn how to break the patterns of racing thoughts, anxiety, and a sense of doom which causes your physical problems then you may be able to solve your problem.

First you need to measure your fear and find out exactly what it is that is causing you the problems. Once you know exactly what triggers it then you can find ways to counter it. Here are a few tips that may be able to help. Many may be easier said than done but you have to at least try to make an effort in order to conquer your fear (which is not impossible):

One problem maybe irrational thought: An extreme case of "what ifs". You have to stop these racing thought and it can be done with a little concentration.You have to make yourself notice when you’re thinking them and then you have to break the thought. One way to break the thought is the rubber band exercise. You get a thick rubber band and put it on your wrist – thick because in Flying without Fear, Duane Brown tells us the thick ones sting less. It shouldn’t cut off your circulation, but it shouldn’t be loose on your hand. Once the irrational thoughts start, you interrupt them by snapping the rubber band on your wrist. The sting will interrupt you from the exaggerated negative thought and you tell yourself to stop. Use whatever words you like, but order yourself firmly to stop thinking that way. Then you can counter them with a positive thought.

* Notice and identify the irrational thought.
* Interrupt it – stop it in its tracks by snapping the rubber band.
* Order yourself to stop thinking that way.
* Replace the negative talk with positive talk.

Another aspect of thought stopping is testing the validity of the thoughts with logical questions. Some possible questions you can ask yourself are:

- What is this thought based on?
- What proof of this is there that this thought will happen?
- Does this always happen? Has it ever happened before?
- Is this thought happening right now?
- What are the odds of this actually happening? or
- What are the odds of this actually being true?
- Am I looking at everything or just focusing on this thought?
- Am I being objective or am I feeding my fear?

Deep Breathing Exercise
==================

1. Once you’re comfortably seated, close your eyes – not too tight - and place your hand on your abdomen.
2. Inhale slowly through your nose and fill your lungs up. If you’re doing it right, you should feel your hand (and abdomen) rising – not your chest.
3. Hold that deep breath for three to five seconds (count one-thousand one, one-thousand two, one-thousand three).
4. Slowly let the breath out as if you’re trying to keep a feather in the air. You don’t want to blow it away – you want to do it slowly and gently.
5. Rest for a few seconds and then do it again. Do this ten times.

See source for more information. Good luck and all the best. Just try to relax. The flight will be fine and your mum will arrive to meet you in the next 6 hours. There will be no problems. All the best.

Answer 2

Phobias can take over your life and leave you physically drained. Interesting that you are still able to fly (though it can't be a very pleasant experince for you!). I had a major phobia of being in a car - yep that nearly ruined my life - I had to find the root cause of this fear and found out that it was due to the fact that when I was 9 years old my parents had a really serious Car Crash - they had been arguing because I had refused to go with them - I thought I had gotten over it but in reality I had blamed myself for the accident and then my brain reasoned that if I don't get into cars I can't kill anyone else - strange but True. It is too late to help you for last night but before your mom returns or you fly out next - Try and see if you can define when it all started and the reason for it - the trigger -(did someone you knew/ loved been involved in a crash etc etc) - Hypnotherapy would be a good start - it will take a few session for the true reason to come out. Then you need to visualise yourself actually enjoying the experience. Your Mom went to India to either visit family or enjoy a holiday - so it is a joyous occasion for her - and would be even more pleasant if she realises that you accept that and are not too perturbed about the mode of travel taken. Also can you visualise yourself going to a paradise location on a 1st class ticket, enjoying sumptious food, a good sleep and then a wonderful 3 weeks of relaxation and then return in the same luxarious manner? - sounds good does it not... :-). P>S: I now have a drivers licence, drive everywhere and discovered the joy of independance - wow!!!

Answer 3

Sounds like you're a control freak when it comes to this. Why don't you trust people? Have you lost a family member recently, or when you were young? I would examine this closely, if I were you. There is obviously a root cause here. Till then, Valarium root, natural herb you can get at any pharmacy for $4 or so; it's what they use to make valium. I take it for panic attacks, and it works like a glass and a half of wine. It calms me down. Keep busy, too. That will help.

Answer 4

You need to see a shrink or psychologist.

20 years ago, my mother started panicking about flying. She had flown many, many times before, without incident.

Ultimately, it was a control issue that she had to let go of, and after a couple years of therapy, some mild sedatives, and most importantly, a routine she follows, she's been flying a ton again.

Does she still get a little anxiety? Sure. But, she's learned to control it and work through it. You can too.

Answer 5

A sedative would help if you were the one flying but since you're not I guess the best thing to do is have her call you as soon as possible. Saying a prayer whenever you start worrying will also help and try to be around cheerful friends during the whole time if possible. In these things you just have to have faith and know that things will be OK.
I hope she gets there safely and you do find ways to overcome your fears(I'm the same way). And again have her call you if she stops to switch planes also.

Answer 6

I used to fly loads and then a couple of dodgy landings and 9/11 left me petrified.
I will say I am a rational person and hate that this has a grip on me nad continue to try and fix it.
The one thing i try to remember is that in the last twenty years you are more likely to die in an accident with your trousers than in a plane.
911,000 people every day fly from heathrow and all land safely.
also, if you think that flying is surfing on a cushion of air that physics seees as almost perfect then you may set your mind at rest.
i feel for you. try hard to thnk good thoughts.
everything will be good

Answer 7

Just stop worrying, that's all. I know it's hard, but it's not like you can do anything about it. I get this kind of anxiety every time my boyfriend drives home from my house. They'll be fine, and if they're not then it was a risk that they were willing to take. People know before they fly that there is a chance that something can happen and they always have the choice of opting out.

Answer 8

As a one-time regular air traveller, I used to enjoy it. As I have got older, strangely, I have become fearful of the whole thing. I sympathise with you. When my family or friends go flying, I watch the progress of the flight here...
http://www.flightview.com/

Assuming you know the Airline/Flight number.
Relax.... Your Mum will be just fine!

Answer 9

There is no easy answer to this question, if there is one at all. All I can suggest is that you keep reminding yourself that it is just an illogical paranoia, make yourself do something that you have to concentrate on. perhaps getting someone to stay tonight with you so you have someone to talk to would help.

Answer 10

NO! I was pregnant when my mom died, & could only take like an anti-histamine kind of calming pill, I am on valium now, for anxiety disorder-Talk to your Dr. & see what he would suggest.