For one of my college apps, I have to write an essay about an issue of public concern and I chose to write about artificial sweetenrs. The references are still not edited yet.
Can anyone help me read it over and give me any suggestions on how to improve it or make it sound less dull?
http://ca.blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-.7VEiEsicrUDQBVTIkzy
Thank you!
2007-01-25 10:56:46 · 3 answers · asked by starr 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Primary & Secondary Education
I would vary the syntax of the essay, because varied syntax always make essays more exciting.
You could add more in the third paragraph of your essay, just expand your idea, because it is a good point.
Possibly change your organization. Try combining the 7-10th paragraphs. After that just properly cite everything. It is a really well-written paper.
2007-01-25 11:12:41 · answer #1 · answered by istoof 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your essay is dull. I would have a few nit-picky items if I were marking up the hard copy, and the only one I'll mention here is the in the last sentence. Instead of "eat Mother Nature indended", I'd say "eat as Mother Nature" or "eat what Mother Nature..." It's in interesting essay on a topic of current concern. Good job.
2007-01-25 11:06:25 · answer #2 · answered by Liza 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
and WAS widely regarded as “one of the major reasons for the slave trade“ during the eighteenth century.
I don't think it's dull; there are just many grammatical errors (comma related, no biggie) that need to be fixed.
2007-01-25 12:19:19 · answer #3 · answered by heresto∆1094 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋