He's married, It's not right but I love him?

Question

Basically it's like this, we met 6yrs ago he courted me we fell inlove, he resides in the Philippines but is here for work, I ddn't know he had a gf there, 4yrs ago he had to go back he left not knowing I was pregnant, she pressured him to marry her. When I knew about this i broke up with him cut all communications, though this past 3yrs he never stopped calling and writing me, then this, I dnt know what happened maybe I still loved him well not maybe I know I still loved him and now we're together again and yes he's still married. I dont know what to do yes I know it's not right how do you give up someone you love so much (and specially if you have a child together)? Despite all this I don't want him to be in trouble with his wife at my expense.. I'm so confused right now I know that what im doing is not right it's just i love him so...

thanks for the answers, i know that no matter what happens it's still up to me and knowing me i'll probably end up doing the right thing anyway it's just hard to do so... for mom madness no im not Rosemary...
for shelley t i know how it works in the Philippines coz im pinay too and yeah i know i should have told him and you know he did asked me why i didn't pressured him to marry me then but i don't find it right to pressure someone to marry by obligation that's not rite...
And as for our son, i beleive that a child should know his father and regularly have contact but i can't do that for now i need time to heal and forget and i can't do that while he's still around... it's not fair for him not to see his son but it's gonna have to be like that for a while... hopefully in the future they can see each other again

Answer 1

I wouldn't bother with him anymore, he made the decision to love his wife and not you and y'all's child.

Answer 2

You have to concentrate on the bright sides of your own life and as far as possible leave out the nagging embarrassing moral scruples and conventionalities.

Some people who look, and are, happy and fortunate did a lot of dum and unconventional things in the years past. Had they not been doing those things, their life would have taken a different turn - of which "untaken turn" they don't know anything about, as that turn never became real. Had they not been doing all those things unconventional and embarrassing to remember, they would NOT have achieved what they have achieved - life, love, new life, affection, and all the precious things that they ACTUALLY have about them.

Life has a lot of aspects which may be "illegitimate" according to others. My wife should have belonged to another man. My property should have belonged to another family. My space should have been occupied by others, even where I actually have allowed space for more others than myself. About male-female relationships, and by convention, we in the non-muslim world rule that one man shall have ONE wife (and one wife shall have ONE man) at a time. We formally only allow for sequential, not parallel, relationships. That is the conventional moral and legal convention and whatever one does that does not obey that convention is subject to disapproval and even to legal reaction. If there are any exceptions, they are non-registered and often not spoken of, but such exceptions may essentially be the MOST BEAUTIFUL of all.

To go on living, even in a quite civilized well-ordered society, you shall have a personal strategy and AS FAR AS POSSIBILE obey your true feelings, and as far as possible obey the formal law - but NOT a law that you did NOT breach!

So you have a life, and a strategy of life, and you also have a fair sense of respect towards what may be called exceptions, and if, when the sums are done, your happiness, and the happiness of your nearest ones, and your precious values, are higher than the morally disapprovable or unconventional behaviour or life-style of yours, then you don't have to be confused. You must live your own life by fiercely seizing with your own teeth whatever your life craves - existence, love, self-defense, exceptions, potentialities. No?

Answer 3

Sounds like an ugly deceitful web, and against what some may think, they don't do forced marriages everywhere in the pi. Well, obviously, the lies started with him, and one of the other responses were right, he did leave you and go home to marry her, sad that he's such a dishonest guy to the one he took as his bride, but that's it, plain and simple. He's not the victim, but you and his wife are. You're obviously supporting for your son by yourself and don't need him. So just inhale and let go of him, he lied to you back then and continues to be dishonest to his marriage, what kind of a really great guy could he possibly be?

Answer 4

girl, i thought this kind of story happens only in tear jerker movies. wow. knowing the custom of the country he was raised, i believe that he was pressured to marry there. but, if he loves you and your child... he should settle things with his wife and live with you. if he's a good enough kind of person, he should do the right thing. men just keep on jumping from one relationship to another without considering the consequences and the "pain" they're causing to supposedly "person" they love. you said you love him? have respect for his wife's feelings... you dont want the same thing to happen to you. let him go. i bet his wife doesn't know that he's having an affair and a child too.

Answer 5

you didn't say whether or not he knows of the child.
First you can't blame him when you did not tell him you were pregnant, and when you are not a member of this country it is hard.
He maybe finding he didn't love her since you said she pressured him. Maybe he wants to work things out with you.
I would say go for it. You don't know unless you ask.

Answer 6

If you know its not right, use your brain and stop. I agree you are confused, but you have to step back and ask yourself, would you want your husband running around with some woman. Have the courage to follow your answer and stop being worried about a cheater, and start worrying about your child. I have a saying, if a man or woman will cheat, chances are they are not being honest with you. You are just a convenience.

Answer 7

If it's true love then it'll wait until after he is officially divorced. It's not fair to you or his wife for him to be married and carry on a relationship with you, regardless if you have a child with him or not. He needs to make a decison. Either you or his wife. Not both. If he can't do that, then, move on. If he is truly interested in his child, he will still maintain a relationship with him/her.

Answer 8

well first of all i would say hes not worth your time, for one hes obviouslty unable to commit, would you ever be able to trust him anyways? I could understand that you love him, its hard to just stop loving someone even after you finding out that hes married. now that hes married i feel it would be wrong for you to pursue a relationship with him, regardless of the facts that he writes you, hes scum for doing that to his wife. the only reason you should be in contact is to let him know about his child and to be able somehow to be involved, and even if you dont want it to hurt his wife if she finds out, you shouldnt worry about that, what you should be worrying about is the fact your child doesn know its father.

Answer 9

how about you just get pregnant from another guy... and then this new stud can help raise both kids. Hit the bars baby!

Answer 10

get read of his sorry *** you dont need that around you