Well, I wonder sometime about my 14 year daughter, she lives with her father now. We at one time were together 99% of the time. Now she lives with her father and is able to do whatever she wants. I know he loves her, but he just lets her do whatever she wants. He is a good guy, but his thinkings is somewhere else when it comes to his kids and family. His friends and AA is God to him, and he pushes his kids aside or pushes them off on someone else. It is sad. He gets in a financial bind and its always poor me. and lets our daughter know this. She takes up for him and is real upset with me most of the time. I know I was at one time messed up on drugs and alot, but my kids never went without. I wished you would do a show on kids and fathers and mothers that are divorced. I would really like to know how other kids feel about this.
2007-01-25 10:13:46 · 8 answers · asked by cootosa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thats a really tough one. what i would start by doing is taking your daughter for the weekend and just spending time together, take her shopping, out for lunch and movie. let her know how much you really love her and open up to her by giving your side of the story (that shes been hearing from her dad). Shes not exactly at the age where shes going make the responsible decision to come home with you where there is all kinds of rules and standards...shes going to want stay out with her friends, meet new boys etc...almost EVERY 14 year old girl with that kind of freedom is like that, so try not to deny that your girl is different. If shes given the freedom, she WILL test it out. Its a crucial age for her, because this is where all the sex, drugs, and influences come in so i do think its important that she had rules and standards, but you have to find a way to convince her to come home with you. (IF YOU'RE CLEAN AND OFF DRUGS FOR GOOD.) good luck with her and like i was saying, the more you spend time with her, the more she'll wanna open up to you and talk to you. become a mother/friend in her life, its important trust me! thats what my mom did when i was that age and it helped our relationship grow immensly. Im 18 now and she is one of my best friends, and although i still live with her in a house with alot of rules curfews and standards, I wouldnt move out for anything. just be there for her, talk to her! feel free to email me if you have any questions :)
2007-01-25 10:29:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 29 I have to admit I have never forgotten how I felt as a child and I wish other adults didn't too. When your daughter lived with you she may have had what she needed as in the physical but what she needed at that age was your love, time and attention and general advise on what to do. By the time a female child reaches 13 most of them are so independant that they prefer to make most decisions on their own especially if no one has truly been around. A female also becomes very attached to men around this age. Fathers, boyfriends, teachers, etc. What is going to stand out to your daughter is that you treat her like a good friend and that you are there for her when she has problems and even when she doesn't. That you do not talk negatively about her dad to her and that you respect her as a woman. If you are not doing these things but still treating her as the child that you missed out on during your drug use you are going to lose her more than you think you have already. The freedom he gives her makes her feel like an adult and she likes that. You have got to teach her the emotional responsibility of being a woman without trying to control her and your relationship will be much better.
2007-01-25 18:35:02 · answer #2 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, i am 16 years and i understand what she might be feeling like. I suggest that u talk to her more, set special times for u to hang out with her. It isnt easy. I know there was probably a time she really needed u and u werent there. She still loves u, dont forget that. As for her dad, since u werent there it just seems like he has been there. So i advice u to take all neccessary precautions to build a relationship with her.
2007-01-25 18:23:32 · answer #3 · answered by girlygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm 16, and I think your daughter wants to live with her dad because he doesn't supervise her and be strict--every kid's dream. This doesn't mean your kid is doing something bad, some people just like to be left alone and feel a sense of independence.
2007-01-25 18:20:21 · answer #4 · answered by sheepeshlysheepy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter will lash out on you because you were the only constant in her life. Be supportive and realize that she is also a typical teen who wants to have freedom. Love her and don't get jealous. She'll come around. It may take years though.
2007-01-25 18:21:37 · answer #5 · answered by spinster wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am fourteen and by reading this .... if i was in ur kids position i would feel sad and wondering y dings would have had to b dat way ... i hope dat i did not make u sad but it would b da truth also I would have understood how dings r and learn dat i have to deal wit it
2007-01-25 18:26:20 · answer #6 · answered by ~J3N~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggestion:
Family therapy.
Good luck.
2007-01-25 18:21:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you think is best for your children. Good luck.
2007-01-25 18:27:15 · answer #8 · answered by J J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋