Seven years ago I started a relationship with a Marine and the whole first year was a fairy-tale. We had a fabulous relationship though I lived back home and he was away in the military.
He asked me to marry him and I said yes but we decided to wait. I spent my summers in California with him, he took leave to come see me.
Every year, our relationship seemed to get worse. By the 3-4 year I was constantly in tears, he would ignore me for months and was very cruel. Even when we were together he was cruel. It seemed he didn't care.
He came home from Iraq in Dec '03 and asked if we were still getting married. I thought on our history and though I loved him DEARLY I couldn't see a future with him. I told him, "no" and we parted, never to see each other again though he called once two years later to try to get me back. He was discouraged to find I was married. A friend tells me he is still hurt.
If he cared enough to pine away for three years, why didn't he treat me better?
2007-01-25 08:45:03 · 8 answers · asked by footprint 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
P.S.
My husband is also a Marine and the picture of gentlemanly love and affection.
2007-01-25 09:01:30 · update #1
sometimes it takes a hard fall to realize what love is .
you did the right thing by telling him No.
and the right thing by finding someone else.
he should of treated you better and showed you he loved you when he had the chance, but now it is all too late..
2007-01-25 09:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by StarShine G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to generalize, but the military is not known for being where men pick up a lot of sensitivity training.
It's a SUPER high stress profession, all about being the alpha dog. He who is the toughest guy wins. The humor is callous, the culture is very lowest-common-denominator. This is not the place where men learn how to be gentle, tender, Prince Charming lovers to their women. His cruelty to you was probably a combination of extreme stress, and the sort of behavior he learned from his training officers and in the barracks. Unfortunately, this experience can make some military guys into bulls in a china shop once they leave the military and interact with civilians. (My husband's cousins are living proof of this. They both tried civilian life for a few years, and ended up re-enlisting because they kept getting fired from jobs.)
He called two years later to get you back probably because:
1) He was desperately lonely because his rough soldier's ways alienated him from other people,
and
2) He knew you'd been willing to put up with his BS once before.
Don't worry about him, dear. Just enjoy your marriage and your life, and don't waste any time on a man who wasn't kind to you in the first place.
2007-01-25 16:57:10 · answer #2 · answered by Guernica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in the military is stressful enough already not to mention being over in Iraq could have pushed him over the edge sometimes and in the aftermath you became the enemy to him in a sense. Maybe he couldn't bring himself to show affection and love the way you deserved because of his mind-state. It is unfortunate that this happened because, it happened to me during the Gulf War in 1991. It ruined my marriage because of my mind-state at that time. You've moved on and got married to someone else and he has to accept that and therein lies the problem he's facing. He waited too late so, don't feel bad for finding happiness for yourself.
2007-01-25 16:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by saturn man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a classic case of "you don't know what you got 'till its gone" kinda deal. i bet he regrets what he put you through and takes all the fault for it.us guys are real stubborn sometimes and don't realize until its too late. but hey your married now so even though it was rough you ended up in happiness, and that's all that really matters. If hes content and real with himself, he will find it too.
2007-01-25 16:55:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anthony C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people always want what they can't have - but, calling once in two years is not trying hard enough to win someone back. be happy that you are married and enjoy the life you chose.
2007-01-25 17:05:35 · answer #5 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you don't realize what you had until its gone... It was his choice to ingore and hurt you in the first place, so don't focus your energy on him, and allow yourself to enjoy your new husband.
2007-01-25 16:52:46 · answer #6 · answered by Christina M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why do u care now if your married?
2007-01-25 16:53:56 · answer #7 · answered by tinkerbell 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Because he's an A - hole, that's why.
2007-01-25 16:53:11 · answer #8 · answered by Add Man 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋