I have been with my partner for 1.5 years and he is wonderful and treats me very well. he is the faithful type

Question

and I know I am lucky to have him. But I am so insecure still. I am divorced as my ex husband used to drink and stay out at bars all night. I left him as I felt i deserved more than that. The guy im with now would never do that and he doesnt even go to bars. he is a home type of man and he wants us to buy a house together and start for a baby But I still feel insecure that another woman will take him from me. I am jelous of other woman and I worry in my mind if good looking women are around. I am quite good looking but feel that he will get bored of me after being with me for a long time and will maybe start getting intrested by other women as people keep telling me that men cant help it.

does anyone else here feel these same fears? any tips on how to stop them? I have talked to my partner about it and he says that he loves me and only wants me. I really need to get over this! Any tips?

Answer 1

You were hurt and the scars haven't fully healed, but time and the love of your partner will sort that out. Have a great future together.

Answer 2

Sounds like we were/are married to the same type of people both times!! I can now say that my husband has lived up to be exactly what I hoped he would be and we have been married almost 8 years. It took a while for me to get over the insecurity thing, but he knew where it was coming from and was very patient. It will take some time but you really need to focus hard and realize that not everyone is the same and this is a different guy, and a different time. More than likely the only way this guy will ever have a problem with you would be if you continuously push him away. Try to stop focusing on the reasons he would leave and try to think of the reasons he would stay and remind yourself of those reasons constantly. No matter what anyone says, men can help it!!

Answer 3

I am in the same situation even after 10 years together. But he looks much younger than I do. I am 25 and he is 27 although he looks like he is 17 or 18. When we go places with his dad which also looks about 30-35 people always assume that he is his dad and my kid. I worry that when I am 40 and starting to age he will start looking for younger more attractive younger women. I have always been insecure. I am the same not bad looking but it is a fear that he will get bored and move on. He is wonderful and we have 2 kids. But we had my son when I was 17 so I feel that was the reason that he stayed. But I can tell you that it will control you and the health of your relationship. It is something that you are going to have to pray about. I have my jealousey and insecurity under contol. But it may never go away, just don't let it consume you and control you. I talk to my husband about it as well. He tries to reassure me but it does little. He thinks because he tells me he truley belives I am beautiful that I should be secure. Unfortunatly it is a flaw that will probably always stay with me. I am with you I know that my husband is great and only loves me, though that is little comfort. I tell myself that that should be all I need but when you are insecure there are so many more reasons as to why it dosen't comfort. You will understand and so will those who are insecure. I wish you luck and hope it all works out for your benefit. God Bless

Answer 4

There is nothing anyone can tell you to make you feel better. It is something that you have to work on. Most of us, like you & I, have been hurt in the past and it takes a long time to heal inside and to learn to trust again. The more wonderful your new partner is, the bigger your fears, naturally. That might be because you feel that he is very desirable for other women as well. It took me many years to develope a sense of self worth and feel better about myself after a very bad (cheating husband) reationship. It doesn't matter how good or bad you look - pretty women are insecure just as not so pretty women (or men)...it's a mind thing not a looks thing. The one thing that helped me was that my new partner of 7 years now, listened to me. It is important that he knows that you are scared to loose him and are worried but never make him feel that you don't trust him because someone else dissappointed you. Don't make him pay for soemone else's mistakes. Allow him to help you regain selfesteem and let him show you how good it feels to trust someone new. It'll get better with time; you will feel much better about yourself and more secure the longer you two are together and the more you see that he won't go anywhere.
As far as the part about him being around good looking women.....it's not always the good looking women that you should be concerend about. I am very attractive and was (at the time) only 25 with a killer body and was cheated on with a 52 year old fuggggly woman....lol. So, looks don't matter - attitude is more important ;-)

Answer 5

yes i do some times b/c of my friends finding out their husbands r cheating & like u said people tell u "men will be men" The best way i deal with it is i think to myself is he doing anything to cause me to be curious? He acts like he loves me. So i am going to trust in him and love him right back untill i have a reason to think somethings not right. No sense in worring over it and make him question his self for being with someone with insecure problems. Also I think well i know if he was cheating on me with someone on a regular basis then eventually enough things will come out to confirm these things, and not inless u are going to live single for the rest of your life you are going to have the same thoughts about any other man u meet. Not saying he wont cheat b/c i know i have wondered the same thing "every body else is finding the husband cheating, i have been with mine for six years and sometimes i feel like when is it going to happen? Then i think about the things above and say well i am going to love him the best that i can and if it ever does happen i will deal with it then. Dont let a good man get away because there are so many unfaithful husbands out there causing us to act a little crazy sometimes! Hope u the best with this relationship and getting your new house and maybe even new family.

Answer 6

It makes sense you would feel insecure because my girlfriend is almost the same, she has had bad experiences with men in the past. I love her so much and I culd be with her forever, you said yurself your man treats you good and wants to set up an home with you and have a baby. When a man says that that means he loves you and is committed to you.
Not all men are the same....people say that because MOST men are the same. Most men are just interested in seeing how many girls they can bed or maybe they just never had the chance to find that someone they trully love so don't understand it. I think your man has found that girl he trully loves, it's obvious. You have to trust him in what he says because if he only feels a fraction of what I do for my girlfriend, trust me he will never leave u or get bored of u or want anyone else. He sounds committed and that is a big thing.

Answer 7

Darling let me tell you, a man will only stay with a woman if he want to. You will never hold on to him by being jellous or being good looking.
There are no guarantees with anything in this life including marriage.So you had a bad experience with your first husband,many of us do.
Youv'e been given a second chance at being happy,so be happy, stop worrying about what might happen and worry about what is happening.
Don't be jellous of other women, be secure in the fact that he loves you ,that's why he married you.

So go and be happy.God bless.

Answer 8

Honey, I'm with you. I'm a very very insecure woman. I get mad when my husband goes out with his friends. I don't worry about him cheating or anything, but it irritates me to the point that I am in tears. He only goes out about once every couple of months, not like it's all the time or anything. I was cheated on by a lot of guys, and my dad was always a player. I'm an attractive woman, and my husband is attracted to me, but I still feel insecure. I talked to my therapist about it last week, and he reassured me that I wasn't crazy and that it is normal when you've been through something like that. He told me to really think of my husband as who he is as a person, rather than "my husband and lover", ask myself, "would he (as a person) do something like that?" No. He is different than the man in your past, just like my husband is not my dad or the guys that cheated on me. Think of him as the person he is, not "your husband", when you get worried, and that will help. Good luck.

Answer 9

I think you have to kind of re train your mind to stop yourself thinking like this. It is like an obsession. When a negative thought pops in your head, you have to tell yourself off and immediately do something to take your mind off it, whether it be reading a book watching something on TV anything to stop yourself thinking it. It is a bad habit you have picked up from your previous relationship.

Start focusing on your future instead, surely you want to make things more permanent with your boyfriend - it sounds like he does. Concentrate on that.

You have already let him know how you feel, if you are having a bad phase where you can't shake it off, ask him for some reassurance but really it is only you that can make you better on this one.

No one said it was easy but promise you, you can do it. Just be positive.

Answer 10

All I can suggest is to calm down a little or you will make him go and have an affair if you keep questioning and it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.
A man or woman will have an affair if they are that way inclined, so just try and relax and enjoy each day rather than worrying about what might or might not happen.