My sister lives on the other side of the country and i haven't seen her in almost 10 years. She has children (that I haven't even met yet) and invited me to come out and stay for 3 months and help her out while she's in school. I, of course said yes. But the problem is my boyfriend. We have been together for 4 months and I think I'm going to marry him down the line. But he has a problem with us being separated for so long. He thinks 3 months is way too long, despite the fact that he plans to visit once. He also thinks I'm being selfish by leaving. If he loves me so much shouldn't he understand why I want to go? I feel like I have to chose between him and my family... I believe it can work because we love each other. Any suggestions?
2007-01-25 08:17:14 · 26 answers · asked by luvlee_lolo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My suggestion: go! Before you get married is the time to spend time apart, not after. Three months IS a long time, but it's for a good cause. It sounds like an adventure you should do. Tell your bf you're going, give him reassurances, tell him you will miss him, but he can't change your mind. Too many women here on Answers are asking questions about their marriages in which they abdicated all control to their husbands and are now wondering why they are miserable. You have the opportunity to establish a positive, strong precedent: I love you, but I am my own person with my own priorities too, and in order for me to be a happy person, I must follow my heart.
2007-01-25 08:27:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first you have only been toghether 4 months and you want to leave for 3 you may want to amrry him down the line but he may not be with you on that page yet even f he says so thikn about it your gogin to be gone 75% of the time that you guys have been together, i dont really like those odds, why does it have to be your way or the highway why not comprimise you doesnt want you to leave even for a single day (that s if he loves you) but will allow it becuase he loves you you should really only go for a few weeks at the most that is if you really want to keep him your really being selfish here i hope you can see that , if he complains about a few weeks though he's a baby and needs to get over it bottom line you want to leave for almost as long as youv been togther which is not all that long to begin with,unreasonable,selfish maybe you dont really love HIM at all just the type or the idea other wise leaving for so long would be out of the question
2007-01-25 08:39:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me warn you about moving in with your sister. You don't know if you two get along. You said that you haven't seen her in 10 years, people really change. And you're going down there to help her with her children, how do you know that her children won't get on your nerves. Think real long and hard before moving in with anyone, even family. It's hard to move in with another adult.
As for your boyfriend. Of course 3 months is a long time to be away from someone who you've been going out with for 4 months. You'll be gone for almost as long as you two have been together. How are you expecting him to take it? I think anyone here would not be happy with their significant other saying they are leaving for 3 months. I know I'd have a problem with my boyfriend saying he is going away. I hate it when he travels for business for just a couple of days.
What are you expecting him to do with his time while your gone? It's so likely he will find someone else. You might as well break up now and just say you'll get back together when you get back. Heck, you might even decide to not come back.
But, you do what you feel is best. But, when you get down there and it's not what you thought, don't forget you were warned.
2007-01-25 08:32:49 · answer #3 · answered by that dead girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, family comes before any 4month relationship...even if you plan on marrying the guy down the line, there is no rock on your finger yet....its not like your going out and drinking with the girls for 3 months...your out helping your flesh and blood, with her kids. he needs to respect the fact that you WANT to help your sister and that the visit will make you happy...because so far, the only person I see being selfish, is HIM, not you. he doesnt want to have to deal with the fact that you'll be without him for 3 months...ok fine, understandable, i know you'll miss him too....but to choose HIS own feelings over your wanting to go see your sister, IS SELFISH. I think you should def. go visit your sister...family comes first, and no man should EVER come between 2 sisters.
2007-01-25 08:30:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After being with him only 4 months and he has a problem with you helping out your family, then sweetie, move on, because can you even imagine what kind of control freak he will be in 4 years. Go be with your sister and nieces/nephews and who knows maybe you will meet someone really great while visiting. But what ever you do put some real thought into staying with Mr. Control Freak.
2007-01-25 08:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may think you could marry him down the line but you need to go and visit your sister if he can't wait for you he is not worth your time. I mean you have on;ly been together for 4 months and anything could happen so go enjoy the time with your family. ALways remember one day he may not be there but your family always will be. Blood is thicker then water~
2007-01-26 01:03:23 · answer #6 · answered by Danielle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boys come and go but family is forever.
Your sister needs your help and you offered. Go and assess the situation. Maybe you won't need to stay for the full 3 months. Maybe your bf can come and visit more often?
Get a phone plan that allows cross-country calls. Get a webcam and skype.
Good luck.
2007-01-25 08:23:32 · answer #7 · answered by tami1215 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you answered ur own question. I mean it's just three months!....I know it might seem much longer being with out him but he should understand. And plus if you think ur going to marry him go on a lil vacation before you do so. Plus this should test how strong ur relationship really is right?......He should be able to understand. And NEVER put bf before family. Bottom line is ur family will always be there. He should be able to comprehend. I mean c;mon you havent seen your sister. If you havent had teh chance to see her now ...imagine later when you probably do get married!!??.....jsut go see your sister. Hope this worked out for you. Good Luck.
2007-01-25 08:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by Maria Maria! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say go. You have been with him four months. How long have you known your sister?????? He says that you are selfish because you want to go, but actually he is the one being selfish because he wants you all to himself, which is kind of nice. But, if he loves he will be there when you get back. Or go, but just stay for one month instead of three.
2007-01-25 08:25:24 · answer #9 · answered by Sandy B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you need time with your family remember its family first guy second who is gonna be there when you have a broken heart or problems not him and come on its family.... he's the one being selfish tell him 2 go to hell if he really loves you he wouldn't put you in this situation!
2007-01-25 08:24:03 · answer #10 · answered by mel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋