Why this rush to have kids in this world ?

Question

You'd have to be a little crazy nowadays bringing a child up in this world we live in. Don't tell me it's better than years ago when the world was a lot safer, and a better place overall. I just get so mad when people get married, they feel "pressured" into thinking "ok.......the next step is to have kids " ........this to me is ridiculous !
I think a marriage is actually better off without kids, this way here couples can spend more time with each other, travel, go out when they want, do what they want with no responsibilities. Every single guy I know that has kids looks 10 yrs older than he is cause he's so stressed out.
Oh well, this is just my opinion.

Answer 1

I was married for 7 years to a man with two girls and he was 14 years my senior. I was thirty. There mother died when they were 3 and 5 years old. When we got married I stayed home with them to be mom. The youngest was in third grade at that time. It was great at first, I had no kids of my own. There father had always felt guilty because there mom died and gave them anything and everything they wanted. This behavior was trouble from the beginning. As they both got older and became teenagers, they played him like a fittle, which did not work with me. I would tell them no, they would call him at work and he would tell them yes. My no's were usually for a good reason being the fact I was the one that was home when they would get into trouble. Children are disrespectful in this day and age. Not like when I was growing up, and affraid to mouth off to my parents. The schools and the system teach them that if they don't like it at home, then they can call the police on their parents. Our marriage fell apart because of them manipulating him. They would stand right in our faces and cuss us out. He would say "I can't do anything with them", "so what makes you think you can". I am now divorced, and the girls won't even speak to me anymore. The oldest started college this year, I got her through most of High School, and didn't get to see her graduate. I went through countless doctor visits, cheerleading, softball, you name it, I was there. Wasted time was all it was. I lucked out and found a man 8 years older than I with no children(shocking). It was one of the first questions I asked him when we met. We are planning to be married in September, and will be doing what we want to do, without the hastle's of kids. I think you are right about raising kids in the world today. I am a little scared for when I get older not having children or grandchildren, but I have 4 neices and nephews I am close to, I guess that will be good enough.

Answer 2

I agree with you, yet disagree. In the world we live in today, sex is so overly exposed. It's everywhere! How do you expect kids NOT to be curious and wonder when every time they turn around, there's a sex scene, or naked people on magazines? Sex is a touchy subject, and a lot of parents like to put it off. You can't blame them for being scared. But, at some point, they must also be a parent and explain to their kids what it is all about. Now, if there's a 10 year old on this site, asking about pregnancy and whatnot, well, maybe that kid's parents don't feel that right now is the right time to discuss it. It's possible the kid is afraid of what their parents will say, or their parents shut them down. If kids nowadays want to have sex, why is that anyone elses business but their own? As long as protection is being used, and they have enough information, that is their life. For granted, lots of kids don't use protection. I understand that. But, when someone really feels like they are in love, whether they really are or not, it's hard to convince them otherwise. Yes, however, if a 12 year old is having sex, that's a bit different. I think after you hit high school you learn more about sex, and that is a more appropriate time. You can't be mad at kids who want to learn. The world revolves around sex. Sorry if you didn't want to hear that. But, we wouldn't be here without it, so I guess people have to suck it up. Teenage years are time for experimenting, so yes, sex is one thing to experiment with. Why does someone have to be 18 to express their love to someone else? I lost my virginity at 16. I was with the guy for 2 years at that point, and know what? We're still together (and I'm 18 now!). I know it's not like that for most kids, but really, you have to understand that sex isn't going away.

Answer 3

Everyone has an opinion...

My husband and I are childless by choice. I guess I get a little insulted when people say that we're selfish. My opinion is that there are a number of children out there who are loved, and a bunch that aren't. There are wonderful, involved parents and people who should physically and legally not be allowed to procreate. People have children for a variety of reasons, good and bad. We chose not to have children because: 1) He has two grown children from a previous marriage that he hadn't planned on; 2) I wasn't 100% sure that I wanted children, and I wasn't going to have them and find out it was a mistake later. Kids deserve better than that.

Those of us who choose not to have kids have a variety of reasons. I agree with you that it's a tough time to raise a child; just because we can doesn't mean we should. Neither my husband nor I were willing to face adolescent behavior in middle age. Just because you're married doesn't mean that you should feel compelled to have children, it's a very personal decision. While there are a number of good parents out there, there are a bunch that aren't responsible adults and have no business being parents. It's a huge responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly.

Answer 4

I don't think people are rushed to have kids but that many of them really don't plan on/for them. Kids cost a lot of money and many people have kids and they don't have the money to pay for everything they'll need to raise them. A lot of times a child comes unexpectedly, and that's hard to plan for too. I think it depends on how old you are when you get married. If you get married young, maybe before you're 27-28, you still have your life to live so children don't have to be a main priority. But once you get closer to 30 if you get married around that time then you have a few years to have children successfully. I mean successful, because the older you(women) get there's a higher health risk for the baby.

Answer 5

I think Godzillas is just keeping it "real". I agree with ya. I know people who have kids and they can't even afford them. People are just not being realistic these days and then they end up looking 10 years older and being all stressed out over the decision later on. Kids need more than love to survive these days.

Answer 6

Well, you're certainly entitled to your opinion. I don't think EVERYONE who is married is in a rush to have children either.

Yes, having children is a selfless act, and you shouldn't do it if you're not prepared to put their needs ahead of your own at times. But I'll also be honest with you, my 2 children have enriched my life more than I can possibly describe. I also think there are times when my children helped my husband and I with our marriage, because we forced ourselves to quit thinking only of "me" and think of our children, and how the way things were going would affect our children. Raising children is definitely stressful, but the rewards are huge as well. Yes, without children you may not have the stress that parents have, but you don't have those rewards either. I cannot imagine my life without my children, it would be empty.

Answer 7

Right - just your opinion.
To each, their own.
People choose to live their lives they way they want to and ultimately they have to deal with whatever results in those choices.
What works for you probably won't work for the next person. Not everyone thinks it's crazy to have kids these days!

Answer 8

At least you seem pretty darn sure you do not want kids, and that is fine for you.

I myself have two AMAZING sons........life is grand with them, its also fun, and funny! We have a blast!

One more thing I wanted to point out was, the world has ALWAYS been a not so nice place to bring kids into...but humans do not just APPEAR, we ALL have to start off as babies......look throughout the entire ages, there has been genocide, wars, poverty, suffering, ALWAYS....and there ALWAYS will be. That is not a valid point for not wanting kids.......

Answer 9

well sweetheart i agree there's no rush but what if your parents had your attitude towards having children lighten up children are a blessing hope you change your mind

Answer 10

Thank God you have no kids. You are very selfish.