I have a girlfriend, having problems with her husband, she hasn't confided in me yet but I think she is having an affair with a younger man, I met while her and I were at lunch. Her answer for everything is lets go have a drink and talk, but we do talk and it does no good at all. Need some good advice to give her. I have been her friend for 11 years but its tiring to try to help but nothing ever changes
2007-01-25 07:38:52 · 17 answers · asked by Cute Stuff 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just ask her one question:
are you happy?
My point is that in order to be happy with someone else you need to be happy with yourself first. If she's cheating she needs to know that she's hurting her main squeeze and she probably wouldn't like it if he was doing the same thing. She needs to be considerate of those around her when she chooses to act that way. If she's having so many problems with her husband the two of them need to talk and try to work things out if they can't do it themselves suggest they see a marriage councellor or do a retreat. Her cheating is just a band-aid for her real problems but it's only going to create more if she continues. Does the younger man know she's married? You might want to point that out to him the next time you meet him, he has a right to know what he's getting himself into. I know what you mean by nothing ever changes, I've got a best friend like that but truth is they have to make their own decisions and if it's a bad decision they have to be ready to accept the consequences, you can be there to catch her when she falls but let her know that she really needs to think things through before acting foolishly. Sometimes the truth hurts but it's not as bad when it's coming from a longtime close friend.
2007-01-25 07:55:30 · answer #1 · answered by JD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sweetie sometimes you can't help everyone, sometimes not everyone wants or accepts the advice you try to give them. Being friends with soemone is realizing that they may not do what you say or listen to you, but all you can do is tell them the truth and the right thing to do, and be there when everything falls apart, because it will. No one cheating on their husband is going to have him for long, just be there for her, or if you feel that you've done all you can then let her go, but a friendship like yours that has lasted for so long is something to hold on to. Just keep that in mind, next time you talk to her ask her bluntly is she sleeping with someone else, it's your business because you love her. Good luck sweetie!
2007-01-25 08:02:59 · answer #2 · answered by April 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, the best advice is to butt out. Really, if she's on with a younger guy, she wo't listen because the overriding factor is she's having naughty fun. Just let it be, all you can do is be there if and when her marraige goes belly up or if undetected, her affair ends. She might feel like talking then. So be a good friend, and just stay out of this issue, well, that's my advice.
2007-01-25 07:54:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not trying to be so negative on you but if she hasn't confided in you and you've been friends for such a long time maybe theres something wrong.. maybe shes stying to hide something from you.. maybe shes having an affair with someone you know and she wants to keep secret.. if you feel sometime is wrong.. and continue to think of her suspicious was.. but no in a way to end your relationship with her
2007-01-25 07:55:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's her life, her marriage. You are a very good friend for wanting to help and caring about her, but it doesn't sound like she really wants advice or direction. It's enough I guess to support her through her trials right now but unless she asks you, hold off on suggestions.
2007-01-25 07:53:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change her; you can only support her and tell her that you are there for her whenever she needs you. She will only change once she is ready to change. I know it can be hard to watch your friend destroy her life but as long as she knows she can count on you to help, she will when she is ready to.
2007-01-25 07:51:13 · answer #6 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can help her until she's decided she wants the help. The best thing you can probably do for now is just wait so she'll come to you when she does want advice. If she doesn't want it now, she'll only see it as interfering!
2007-01-25 07:49:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is your friend and u have known her for 11 years. you should know what to tell her. it also depends on the morals you have as well.
sounds like she is going thru a mid-life crisis.
2007-01-25 07:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by havingfun 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you think you know just, "check it at the door." The best thing you could do is to just be there, and trust me I know it's hard.
2007-01-25 07:49:54 · answer #9 · answered by chapman_red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely agree with "common sense" she won't change, especially if you have been talking for eleven years
2007-01-25 07:50:58 · answer #10 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋