My husband and I have tried to be separated, but he spends a lot of time at the house. He is here about 5 times a week and spends the night a few times. When I am mad at him, or fed up, I send him back to his apartment. But when he is not around, I am worried and want him to call.
He was supposed to come over the other day after work, and he called to say he wouldn't be home. Then yesterday, he was supposed to be here after his doctor's appointment. I called him this morning and he was in his car. He said that his cell phone didn't work and that's why he didn't call me last night to say he wouldn't be there.
I just don't understand what is happening. Somedays he is here and I want him to be. Those days we think we can work it out. Then the next day, he's not showing up or I don't want him around. What should I do?
Should I ask him to move back so we can work on it? Or should we just get divorced? Or should I let him have some freedom?
2007-01-25 06:50:59 · 49 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His freedom is not yours to give...Use this time to find out what you want and what makes you happy..If you were able to control an others behavior,you might have a choice in what to do.You don`t so it is out of your hands. ask yourself"Can I live with how this relationship makes me feel?"Is it getting better or worse?As hard as it may be to imagine now,there is someone out there for you that wants nothing more than to make you happy,things to be excited about and to look forward to.Never settle.Hurtful relationships are usually 2 way streets.You almost never find what your looking for,but spend all your time getting lost.Best of luck to you
2007-01-25 07:24:38 · answer #1 · answered by iamrha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea what kind of fantasy you have about all this, but that man is having his cake and eating it to. He has his own apartment and you still allow him to come over your house and spend the night? Sounds like you are the one who could use some help here. Talk to a counselor and get some self esteem. There are so many men out there who aren't like him and here you are wasting your time with a man who has cheated on you once already. I can tell you that once a cheater, always a cheater. You would be better off without him. If you are a drama queen, then keep him. Otherwise, send that man on his way. Thank you and good luck.
2007-01-25 07:01:05 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has his freedom. He's having his cake and eating it too. If he cheated before and isn't calling when you think he should, he's living his life exactly how he wants to. If it was a concern to him he would be working on it too. Women think differently than men. They have a tendency to just move on. If you're not in his life he will find someone. They hate to be alone, typically. No one on here can tell you to divorce. If you love each other and can work it out that's what you need to do. It's to often that people run from a relationship if it's not working exactly the way they think it should. I know I break up with my boyfriend once a month. Im a runner myself. You have to try and make it work from both sides. Good Luck!
2007-01-25 07:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by Luvatlanta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's the sentimental part of me that says you should talk this over with him first. Then there's the girl in me that has this thought: Have you ever told yourself you were going on a diet and stuck to it for a few days, only to go back to eating the way you did before because you craved the stuff that wasn't good for you? I can't speak for your husband, but I've seen enough to know that more often than not, once he's cheated (or even if the wife has cheated), he'll do it again. Also, if you have no trust in him, you should move on. Don't torture yourself this way. You will end up with a lot of hurt feelings and resentment towards him. Good luck.
2007-01-25 07:11:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kristal B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Based on what you wrote, I didn't detect any cheating. I believe you still love and care for him. I also believe he still loves you. It would be a shame to just separate permanently if there's a ray of hope that you can both be happy. Presently, there's a lot of money being wasted on 2 apartments and utilities. I strongly advise you to seek counselling. There will be a lot of issues that can be resolved during the sessions. If he doesn't want to come with you, go alone. You will not regret it. I wish you both the happiness you deserve.
2007-01-25 07:04:06 · answer #5 · answered by maryc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought you said you were separated, you shouldn't let him sleep in the house or spend time there...how can you guys get over each other and move on with your lives if you still live together on and off. You both should agree on whether you want to stay married or get a divorce.
The title said is he still cheating? is that why you separated, he was cheating on you?
If you still love him and want to work your problems out, have him move back in but have a talk...no cheating etc...whatever you need from him say it, let him also ask for what he wants from you
Good Luck
2007-01-25 07:04:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should probably have this talk with him or a professional therapist. He's probably just as confused as you are about the whole situation. Unless you tell him what your feeling, he'll never know, he's not psychic. You need to figure out what it is that you want out of life and what type of person you want to be and if he cant or wont stand by you and help make an effort to save the marriage, then why stay with that? Don't you want to be truly happy? Find out who you are and you'll have your answer. Good luck
2007-01-25 06:58:45 · answer #7 · answered by Danelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have to make up you mind about what YOU want. If you're just going to send him away every time you get mad at him, then it might be best to just get a divorce. Otherwise, you'll have to put up with him all the time even when you're mad at him. So you need to stop being wishy washy and make a decision on whether or not you want to be with him, for better or worse. Good luck.
2007-01-25 06:59:07 · answer #8 · answered by LOS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell him to either agree to counseling so you can try to work out your problems or leave you along so you can get a divorce and move on with your life. you aren't running a motel where he can come and go as he pleases. There are still public phones so the cell phone excuse is just that, an excuse.
2007-01-25 07:01:17 · answer #9 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, I would leave him alone for now. That includes him coming over a few times a week as you describe. You guys sound like you both need some time/space to sort things out. I wish you lots of luck.
2007-01-25 07:01:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋