Stop Comparing our Children...?

Question

A friend of mine has a little girl whos just a few months older then mine, but they are the same size, her baby was premature. She constantly compares her child to mine, if I tell her my little one learnt to roll, her kid does something 100 times better. If I get something for my little girl, shes out buying the same thing. How can I tell her Im sick of her comparing our children, my little girl is totally different from hers, and its not my fault they are the same size, her baby was premature, its expected, my daugther had a few more pounds on her at birth compared to hers.

Answer 1

She's comparing to reassure herself that her child is doing well. I'm sure that she has residual anxiety about having a premature baby.
As for buying the same thing. When I see my daughter enjoy something that a friend has I go out and buy because I selfishly want my child to have it at home to enjoy too.

Talk to her about how lucky she is to have the one she has and that the conversation needs to have more diversity. She won't stop comparing but maybe she can keep the comments to herself a little more.

Answer 2

It's natural for parents or even relatives to compare children. I even find myself comparing my youngest and oldest (when LOGAN was little...LOL) I doubt she means to be hurtful about it. If it really bothers you then just stop telling her things, she'll get the hint. My best friend has a little girl who is two weeks younger than mine and we share things all the time, but in a fun way. If I tell her my little girl rolled over and hers hasn't we joke that she's "highly advanced" even though we both know that every baby is different and mine's no more advanced than hers, just different. Why don't you try commenting on how good her baby is getting at something or ask hre advice on something. It will make her feel important and might help curb her comments.

Answer 3

Chances are that your friend feels a certain level of guilt about having a preemie baby. Usually babies are preemie for a reason that is of no fault to the mother, but even though she knows that she doesn't feel it. Her behavior involving comparing your children is probably not to hurt you, but to make herself feel better. She is probably thinking "Whew! My daughter really is on track!" because many preemie babies have developmental delays as children. If your children are a few months apart and her's was a preemie then I assume had her child been born on time, both of your daughters would be about the same age.
I am not saying her behavior is right, but its probably as a direct result of her worry about weather or not her child really does compare with her peers.
You could try saying "Wow Jane is starting to ____ really well, my daughter does that too!" or "Wow, look how talented she is getting" and boost your friends confidence BEFORE she feels the need to compare. Maybe all she needs to to know her daughter is OK. If the beahvior continues you may need to come right out and say 'You know, it upsets me when you compare the girls, all kids are different, can't we leave it at that?"
A true friend will understand.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Everyone thinks their baby is the best whether they say it out loud or keep it in. Your baby is better than hers right? YOu just don't have to tell her that! My friend was pregnant last year and I am pregnant the same time this year and due a month earlier than what she was, but she compares my pregnancy to hers and says I am built just like her and that I will have to have a c-section and that my baby will weigh so and so many pounds...on and on and on.....Its not true though, we are 2 completely different people and I am not built like her and I am not going to volunteer for the c-section! I just let it in one ear and out the other.
Your friend is just excited and probably feels like you are the only one that cares since the babies are the same size. Just let it go and don't tell her what your baby does and she wont have anything to compare to. Until she asks if your baby does something just tell her yes, and that your baby has been doing that for a while!!!

Answer 5

oh dear, i think we have same situation. I had friend like that too. When i had my baby she was 22 1/2 inches long hers 19 inches and after two months her baby grow 5 inches to just make up, and i think we all know that baby's can't grow 5 inches in two months, and what ever i buy for my baby she'll do the same and it's kind of sad when she has to copy someone it's like living someones Else's life. Than i told her about compering and jealousy she was pissed off so bad and she stop talking to me....What i would suggest you is just ask her.."are you trying to compare my child and yours and it's kind of ruin our friendship, we all love our children so don't compare some kids are better in something than others we can't change that" and see how she would react..i hope she would understand that is too far with comparing...

Answer 6

Get used to this all through the school years. It happens because some mothers are insecure about their babies and want to make sure that they have the prodigy child. All children and babies develop at different speeds and levels. It doesn't mean that they are genius's if they read at 3 and 4. My daughter did and she is a healthy average 10 year old. Just ignore this and don't get caught up in it, trust me. I had twins and they did not reach the milestones at the same time and they are both smart, healthy and happy.

Answer 7

Been there, did it this way......................I play up what ever (no matter how small) my friends daughters' achievements are. "WOW, she did that!! How fantastic!!!!" -notice the enthusiasm in my tone. Next, I NEVER bring up my child and her accomplishments.

This "friend" is really more of an acquaintance in a circle of friends, so I luckily do not have to pretend like I give a hoot very often. If this friend of yours is a close friend, I would just come out and say, "Look, I think that (name) is wonderful, she is the prettiest little girl I know next to my own. I really want to teach the girls about friendship instead of competition. What do ya say we do that by example?" If she is offended, to dang bad......she has no problem offending you with her comparisons.

Best of luck, if she is a true friend she'll get it. If not, who cares? Take it from me, it is very hard to go a day without talking about your daughter and what she's learning and exploring in the world, you shouldn't have to censor that because of a "friends" insecurities and competitiveness.

Answer 8

Your friend may feel the need to do this comparison to help her know that her baby is fine; especially after being born premature. She may not realize what she is doing or how it is annoying you. This is a very sensitive topic and very hard to addresses, especially if you wish to remain friends. Ask her to talk to you, see if this need for comparison is really about something else before you 'call her out' - this may just be a misunderstanding and if not then this will give you the lead in to talk to her about what is on your mind.

Best of luck!

Answer 9

each newborn learns at their very own %.. some learn quicker mentally and are a splash bodily in the back of or any incorrect way around. each newborn has their very own way of exploring, getting to understand, and then doing. Your newborn sounds like he's doing fantastic, and which you're doing great as a mom. No newborn is the comparable and to learn 2 little ones comparable age or not isn't right. I actual have had human beings try this to my newborn. My newborn is getting to understand to communicate a splash slower, yet that boy can run, climb, and all that and found out very early. a good number of top physique power, and that's what he likes to do and makes a speciality of. even nonetheless I refer to him, study, and all that style of stuff. would not recommend something is faulty with my newborn, purely that he's taking his time in one section and makes a speciality of yet another. sit down your husband down and refer to him, that's the ideal you're able to do. tell him the way you experience and what you think of. Your husband won't think of roughly this occasion interior the comparable way. there is not any reason that your newborn could be in comparison. he will learn and love you for not pushing him and being happy with what he has found out so some distance. a splash one's ideas has plenty taking place up there!! supply it time. i think of you're astounding for being to interactive alongside with your newborn and being concerned plenty. keep of the great activity, and that i'm happy which you communicate so great approximately your newborn.

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel.
I have a friend who is the same way. I know how frustrating this can be
If I bought something for my house she went out and bought the same thing. Needles to say her house looks just like mine...so...I stopped telling her whenever I bought something for my house.
As much as you want to tell her something about your child's milestones try to keep it to yourself and tell someone else instead.
She also has a child a year older than mine and when I tell her about my child I get an even better and bigger story about hers.
All that said and done...I also truly think they don't realize what they are doing.
But try what I said anyway...good luck.