Who should I let adopt my baby?

Question

Back in August I was molested in the woods and the rapist is in jail now. I am now 5 months pregnant at 14 and there are several people who want to adopt my son who is still in the womb not born yet.
My older brother and his wife can't have kids and they are intrested in raising. There are people at my church that want the baby. There are 3 adoption agencies that are after it.
I chose not to get an abortion b/c that is like taking life away from an innocent.

Who deserves it more?

Answer 1

If your 5 months pregnant why would you ask how to get your belly flatter by march?

Answer 2

As an adopted child and a victim, I think I can help.

I know you would love to give it to your brother or someone in the church, however: every time you see that child, it will always remind you of the and hurt you deeper.

If it were me, I would talk to the adoption agency and ask them to set up something with a couple so that you knew the baby was getting a good home. Then, if YOU chose to, you could keep contact with the family from time to time.

This way, you know the child is in a loving family and you won't have a constant reminder of the tragedy that occurred in the woods.

Take care, and God Bless you for not choosing abortion.

Answer 3

It is not about who deserves it, but what you feel comfortable with and who will provide the best life for your child. Do you have a good relationship with your brother and his wife? Are they willing to do an open adoption where the child knows that he is adopted. That might be the best way, because one day when you are an adult and decide to have children your other child might want a chance to know their siblings. In the end it is about what you want. This is your child and your decision, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Also I am so happy to hear someone making the responsible choice of adoption and doing what is best for the baby. I hear a lot of young girls who got pregnant from consentual sex and they are having abortions because it is easier on them . You have chosen a route that is harder on you, but saves a life, and gives one lucky couple the chance to have a family., and I really commend you on your maturity, you will make a great mom someday.

Answer 4

I don't think it should be a question of who deserves the baby more but instead 'what would you feel comfortable with?' Giving this baby to a family that is around you on a constant bases would mean that you would see this baby every day, have a reminder of your experience and you would know that this is YOUR child.
If I were you I would let the adoption agency's find a good home for the baby far, far away from you. Letting a family member or a church member adopt would just create further complications in my opinion and I doubt you need/want that.

Answer 5

The question is not who deserves it more, but how you feel about it. The question is if you arent going to take care of the child b/c you realize your not ready for that responsibility and wouldn't provide the child with the best possible situation to grow up in or that you dont want much to do with the child. I'd suggest that with the care and caution you are using in thinking about this in the first place that you care about the child so I would suggest letting your brother and sister in law adopt the child so that way you can still have something to do with the child. Im almost positive you would regret it if you didnt know where your child went. Unless you dont want anything to do with the chidl b/c of the memories that are associated with him than I would suggest a private adoption agency, but remember if you do that you will not see him again. Sometimes the pain is better to remember occasionaly than to live with forever not knowing anything. I feel it would make you feel better if you keep him close to you to help him have a better life. But it is whatever is in your heart, only you what you want.

Answer 6

If your brother & sister-in-law adopt your child, then you'll at least know where the child is instead of wondering all of your life where the child is & whether or not he/she is being loved & well cared for. That wouldn't be the case if your baby is placed with an adoption agency, or if a church member adopted the child, & moved away. I'm sorry that at the age of fourteen, you have to make such a decision, but it's a decision that must be made for the sake of the child. I was adopted by an aunt & uncle at the tender age of two. If I had been adopted by strangers, I would have searched all my life to find my biological parents, & ask why they gave me up, plus meet them & get to know them. Many years after my adoption, I was glad I could ask my aunt & uncle the questions that had haunted me, once I found out that I was adopted. I wish you all the best as you make your decision.

Answer 7

First of all I am so sorry that you had to go through that horrific experience - but I commend you on recognizing that it is not the baby's fault and choosing to let someone else raise your baby.

I think your decision should depend on how close you are wanting to be with the child after he is born. Is it going to bring back bad memories, or are you wanting to have a relationship with the baby - be it as an aunt, a friend, or not at all?

If it were me I would probably choose your brother and his wife - that way you would be able to see the baby grow and know that he is in good hands with loving parents. The genetics between your brother and you are pretty close - which might mean a lot to your brother and sister-in-law as well.

Answer 8

It's not a matter of who deserves it more - it's a matter of what you want. If you want your older brother to raise the baby so you can still be a part of his/her life you will all need to set ground rules as to parenting. If you disagree with their parenting style, etc. you don't have a say in it. Before you make any decisions get in touch with a counselor - if you aren't already seeing one for the rape and discuss your many options - open adoptions, closed adoptions, etc. You still have a little while so make sure that whatever you do - you do what is best for you and the baby.

Answer 9

I think you should ask yourself these questions first,because "it" is your baby that will grow up to become a child. If your bother and his wife adopt the baby will you feel you are reliving the rape every time you see the child,and if so, will somebody in your family tell the child you were conceived by a rape.If the child is adopted by a church member they may or may not have to tell the child they were conceived of a rape.In both cases when child becomes old enough they may want to know about their Mom,and whom ever the parents are will have to prepare them for that event.My question to you is what would be easier for you...
I would say NO to the adoption agencies

Answer 10

Honey, I am soo sorry for what you have endured. This decision is just up to you. If i were you, The baby would go to brother and his wife. If you really could give the baby to your brother to raise, could you deal with that, the baby would always be in your family then. If it would be to hard to deal with, then I would find a adoption agency.
Take care. Good luck.

Answer 11

There are several questions you need to ask yourself first, because they are ones nobody on here can answer for you. Questions like, could you handle watching your brother raise your child. Or, could you handle not ever knowing any information about the baby if you used an agency. Personally, if I were in your situation, I'd want to make sure that even though I couldnt raise the baby myself, I'd want to give him the best home possible, where I know he'd be loved and secure, and where I could hear about him from time to time. If you let your brother raise him, then someday, it'd be easier for the baby to adapt when he finds out you are the one who gave him life. He'd feel better knowing he was kept in the family, rather than given to strangers. I'm quoting my youngest sister on that. She was born to my aunt's stepdaughter when she was 14, and my mom adopted her. When she found out about her adoption, she felt more secure knowing that even though her birth mom couldnt keep her, she wasnt given away to strangers.