Is it easier to blame than fix to the problem?

Question

I see so many questions about cheating here. My question is this, is it easier to blame the cheater (who is wrong) than take an honest and hard look at themselves to see if they might have contributed in some way to the other person's behavior? Wouldn't the person being cheated on be better served with some serious self inspection rather than taking the easy way out and assigning complete blame on the cheating spouse?

Not that it's anybody's business, but I have not cheated on my wife.

Some great answers here!

It's going to be hard to pick a best answer out of these very thoughtful answers!

Answer 1

Yes it sure is easier to blame than to have to face and admit our own wrongs and imperfections that we make... Great question and topic... Thanks for bringing it up. It is called the blame game and we are all good at playing it are we not? We should all examine ourselves and change ourselves instead of always blaming the other person and trying to change them. I love this question! we all need to self inspect ourselves and stop trying to change the opposite person all the time... If we truley focused on changing our selves to be the better person and partner and or spouse then trying to change the other person our marriages and relationships would be much better dont ya think? Remember you cannot change the other person to make them what you want them to be the only one you can change is you and you can become a better person for it! Remember we are not held accountable for what happens to us but we are held accountable and responsible to how we respond to the other person and how we treat them.
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Answer 2

I agree and disagree. Yes.. you should examine yourself too(if your SO cheats on you). Did you drive that person away, etc, etc.. did you in some way contribute to the gap that made them go elsewhere, and grow away from you...... but at the same time.. NONE of that makes it your fault. Sometimes people cheat for no reason at all except that the opportunity came up and they took it. It wasn't about a bad sex life, or a bad marriage... sometime it is just plain stupidity (this is a common mis-conception too... that the cheater MUST have been missing something at house... but that is not always the case). However If there were problems in the relationship, and the cheater was unhappy, he/she should have had the balls to confront the issue before going to sleep with other people. That doesn't solve anything.

Short answer... yes it is easier to blame others, but its totally not productive to solving the problem.

Answer 3

I did this myself when I went through a divorce.After looking very hard at myself I realized that there were things I could have done differently in my marriage.I also decided that there were things I was doing that annoyed her too and I never realized it.I probably worked to much also.After looking very hard and doing a reality check I decided that even though I did these things the bottom line was this.She never brought any of this to my attention.She never tried to discuss it with me. Sometimes we may be wrong in the things we do in a relationship but it's the other persons responsibility to tell us when things aren't going well.We can't always see the problem ourselves unless someone shows us what it is.We are each responsible for our own happiness so if things aren't going as they should then it's time to speak up and set thing straight. The fact still remains that if someone cheats in a relationship they actually cheated themselves because of their lack of communication and self discipline.If the cheater doesn't have enough desire to talk about the troubles in a relationship then they deserve the blame for not trying.

Answer 4

I agree with you that often there is more to the answer than just one person's blame, however, it can be that there is nothing wrong with the person who is cheated upon---and nothing really wrong with the relationship either---just that the person who has cheated or who is contemplating it is scared, unsure or inexperienced in having a real, healthy relationship. If you've spent years in a relationship situation that wore you down,when you finally find something that is really healthy and good, sometimes people wih sabotage it, just to see how real it is, or to sort of halfway convince themselves that, "yeah, see...it wasn't so good...look , I coudln't make this work either". I think that we are so vulnerable after our experiences that we often don't KNOW how to have good relationships---we keep expecting the other shoe to drop. This takes work, and loving understanding, and commmunication and HONESTY. It's a situation where the littlest betrayals hurt like hell, and aren't worth it. And yes, introspection for BOTH partners is a good thing---but then, talking it over is necessary as well.

Answer 5

The problem is too many people don't look at marriage as the bond of 2 people God has brought together anymore. They more or less just see it as a "piece of paper" that can be removed out of the way. If we look at marriage as the Bible says we should, then there isn't anything that can't be fixed. I believe that if someone cheats, either they are in the wrong environment or missing something at home. In both of these situations the problem can and should be fixed.

Answer 6

I agree for first time cheaters. Although some of the ones I have read on here, their significant other had previously cheated. So, once a cheater always a cheater.

Answer 7

I agree completely. In fact I just posted something similar as an answer to someone's cheating question and I got a bunch of thumbs down rankings! People need to open their eyes, the real world is out there!

Most people don't cheat if their needs are being fulfilled at home.

If one person is cheating then that means both people in the relationship have failed, not just the one doing the cheating!

Answer 8

I totally agree! All the women and men that complain about being cheated on, they need to look within themselves and solve the problem that they see first, and then try to figure out if their spouse is really the one at fault here, and I am not saying that its right to cheat, I just think that its easy to blame the one that cheated!

Answer 9

If this is an intractable concern which you already tried to repair and failed or if this is a concern which you actual created or aggravated then this is a undemanding prepare in human societies to discover a scapegoat to pass the blame. With a scapegoat you may fool some human beings it sluggish taking interest away out of your mess united stateswhilst attempting to harm your enemy. it is greater much less costly than fixing the unique concern plus you have a raffle to reason harm to your enemy. whilst the different events respond in type, a blamestorm is brought about.

Answer 10

I think the hardest thing to do isn't to examine your own life or to finger point. The hardest thing to do is forgive and work on the relationship afterward, whether you found some faults in yourself or not.
Once you've made that decision to forgive and to work through the affair you have a long and hard road ahead of you. There is mistrust, feelings of anger and betrayal by the cheated; feelings of guilt and shame from the cheater.
The cheated has to learn to get over the insecurities and fears that history may repeat itself, while the cheater must learn to forgive themselves and redeem their esteem in both their own eyes and the eyes of their loved one.
It is a LONG, HARD road, and that is why it is the road less traveled.
Even some people who try to forgive and move on rarely can because it is extremely exasperating and can take years to move past.
Those of us who have traveled that road and succeeded learn to appreciate it.
It's easier to point fingers and walk out the door, starting over, than it is to get down in the muck, beside the one you love and try to bail them out.
Blaming is easiest, examining yourself is not hard, even forgiving is easy compared to learning to trust and love again.