Why do I feel so disconnected?

Question

Okay, I have been with my husband for 4 years now, married almost a year of that! We have lived together for the whole time we were dating though and our relationship has been GREAT up until about a month ago, well right after the new year I would say! I love him an dall, but I feel so disconnected from him, I find myself going to bed before him so I don't have to have sex with him and I feel myself not sitting by him anymore, I don't feel that spark when we kiss anymore, I don't understand, we have been best of friends since i was 9 years old, about 11 years ago and now all the sudden I feel like I can't stand him anymore, I haven't cheated and he hasn't cheated, we both work all the time and barely get any time together, maybe that could be it but we have always worked hard! I have told him I want to move out and work on things like that but he thinks it will make us farther apart! What should I do?

Should I move out and go to Atlanta and try to work on things slowly with him, or should I stay and be un-happy and see if things change? I don't want to leave and it mess things up between us because I feel this way, because first off I have no idea why I feel this way it literally changed over night how I feel, one day I was lovey dovey with him and the next day everything he did bothered me!

Okay so I got great advice it is that we need to spend more time together okay well the money isn't there for us to up and go out of town or leave work! I try to talk to him and tell him what i am feeling and things need to change and he says okay I will try but then he doesn't! I don't want to give up and leave, I love him like I couldn't even tell ya how much I do, I want to make this work, but it seems I am the only one!

Answer 1

You really need to get you behind in gear and get to this man.
This is a common symptom of what I called, "required depression." This depression is created because you let your feelings stagnate for an extended period of time with him. The way humans counter-act this period of stagnation is to create a hollow feeling in themselves, this is due to emotions induced by natural chemicals that you produce in the pituitary gland, which will stop the endorphins from being manufactured, ultimately causing self-related depression.

Basically when your in daylight it's not so bright, but stay in a room for 30 minutes and look towards the light it seems 200 times brighter. You were unhappy, and made life miserable and then when you reflect on it, it seems much better.

Answer 2

Hey, I actually gave you best answer in my post. You are feeling like 99% of married people. don't let someone tell you otherwise like their marriage is so "great". I think as humans we lose that spark after a while. To me marriage and growing up altogether sucks. It seems like as we get older, all we do is pay bills and come home.......where the hell is all the fun ????
I'd like to know the idiot that told the world marriage "has to happen to show your love"
If I could do it over again, NO WAY IN HELL I'D GO TO SOME CHURCH WITH HUNDREDS OF GUESTS just to say I DO. How dumb is that ?
I am so pissed because society has a "cult like" effect on people telling us what to do and how to do it. There are so many people I know that had great relationships before they got married, then as soon as the I do's came out, POOF there went the marriage. Such a damn shame. Sorry for being so angry, but I'm doing it because i feel your pain. hang in there, my advice is not to rush into the kid thing, that's a whole other saga, but start traveling a little bit, it does make you closer, and beware of miserable women around you trying to bring you down. A true friend will steer you in the right direction.

God Bless, and i'll see ya in other posts. : )

Answer 3

I think both of you need to to go on a vacation together and just get away from the whole work aspect. It sounds to me that you
are seeking some attention but your both to tired from working so much you must also try to spice up your relationship if you have been together for so long it is time to go a little wild you are basically still newlyweds take a trip relax and just have fun. Go
out on the town do stuff you did when you started dating sometimes that can fuel the fire in your relationship. You should never just up and leave he is right you will just grow farther apart.
Work things out talk to each other and experiment with each other. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 4

I have always had a problem feeling disconnected towards the men in my life. Currently I am in almost exactly the same position as you and trying to figure out how I got here. Do what you feel is best for you. Stop thinking of yourself as a couple and figure out what you want. That's what I am trying to do myself.

Not sure if this is great advice, but you need to be a complete person and individual before being a couple. Women seem to get swallowed up and their lives minimized in a long term serious relationship....This might make the distance worse, so you need to weigh that before decidng. What I am choosing may be a horrible idea for you. You may want to start with counselling.

I feel that I need some space myself, if only to think.

Answer 5

You are ready to move out based on feelings that you've had for the past few weeks? That sounds a bit drastic. If you are unhappy, seek counseling. It's available regardless of income and I think you will be a lot happier for having gone.

Answer 6

i think you answered your own question! You need more time together!!! some times my husband bothered me as well. we have been together for 6 years and married almost 4 i also think it is faze you are going threw. i would talk to him as well. tell him how you feel! and remember not to start the conversation on a negative note. he will get defensive and you two will get in to an argument. that's not what you need. start with positive things and sowing work in to what is bothering you. good luck hope things work out. if you need some one to talk to you can e-mail me [e-mail]

Answer 7

You should both go to counseling. He might be contributing to how you are feeling about him. Do that before you decide to move out. Otherwise he is right, you will grow further apart and eventually end up getting a divorce.

Answer 8

God does no longer share a coronary heart with all of us else. in case you progressed hate, greed, jealousy or lust or dedicated a sin or felt proud on the provider you're offering, you need to have disconnected with God. Or that's a periodic hollow to reinforce your want and devotion to God. Or in case you haven't any longer carried out any of the above, He ought to anticipate you to develop your faith extra. because of the fact which you comprehend, Christianity isn't the final be conscious, yet Islam is. Quran is a continuation of Bible. examine it to comprehend recent info and progression on the line in direction of Almighty. might God bless and help you. Muhammad Javed Iqbal

Answer 9

ok I believe alot of life is what you make it, if you are not suffering from depression (check w/ your doc if this could be the problem, alot of people are depressed and do not know it). This may sound to simple or maybe even in dumb according to your beliefs but I think this way: If you think things are bad they will be bad, If you think things are good they will be good you just have to convince yourself all relationships go through ups and downs but I do believe that "what you see all depends upon what your looking for".
Good Luck

Answer 10

I think you need to look at how you feel about youself. In some cases it could have to do with some feelings you could be having with your self imge. Or maybe he has changed in som way. Once you recognize what has changed you can work on it. Counseling should help.

Good luck.