I live in the next county over from him. Times are usually pretty spread out between seeing him. Would you call this a boyfriend, or maybe just a really good friend with benefits? I do really like him and would love to be with him alot more, but the distance and the ways we work and I have a small child make things a little tight to see each other as much as we would like. I ran into a guy I used to date a few days ago, things happened, should I tell him. I do really need some serious advice. I do care alot for him but I am tired of being alone and wish I had someone there to share my time with and that would be there for me if I needed them. What should I do? I think I should tell him. I wonder what he will say, and if he will even care. But as I said before in past talks, I go to him, and times he goes long periods of time before he calls me, and yet when Im around him he seems as though he missed me. Don't know what to do. Please help. I have been married once, and for seven years.
2007-01-25 06:20:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you sure the older guy is not married?
2007-01-25 06:26:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i am in a very similar situation. My boyfriend is 48 and i am 27. he met my parents this past december and they love him!! I have a seven year old little girl and even though we live together and have been for 6 months, she is still getting use to the idea.
i think that you should tell him what happened and tell him that the only reason I am telling you is to get everything out in the open and see how you feel about me. If you want a relationship or not? Have a conversation with him and tell him how you feel about him and what you want out of the relationship. Hopefully you guys feel the same way! good Luck!!
2007-01-25 06:29:40 · answer #2 · answered by spagirl23188 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Make sure you're older guy isn't married. Your situation would be perfect for a married guy. Have you ever been to his place?
2. If you really don't care for the other guy, don't date him just because he's a back up to the other guy. It's unfair to him and deceitful.
3. If you haven't sat down and established that you're dating exclusively, then he isn't a boyfriend. If that's what you want, tell him.
4. There's no point in telling Benefits Man. You're not exclusive to him and it's none of his business. The only reason for telling him would be for you to get some kind of a rise out of him to determine his feelings. That's just wrong.
I strongly suspect that Benefits Man is married. You don't have the relationship you want with him, so cut him loose and make yourself available for someone you can connect with.
2007-01-25 06:31:38 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you wonder what he will say or if he will even care, then you already know he is not the one for you. I myself am going to marry a man 10 years older than me. It's not much, but it's a strain, sometimes. Maybe you should find someone a little closer in age to yours, you are young and if you need help with this decision, then maybe he's too old for you.. and if you have two friends with benefits, meaning the new old friend, also, then maybe just date around but let it be known to all that you are just dating.. good luck.
2007-01-25 06:37:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems to me that this is a Friends with benefits scenario. I think you need to learn from this experience that long distance relationships don't really work out unless the two of you were determined to make that change to a short distanced one. I've been in plenty of long distance relationships and have to say that if you're interested in a Long term thing, you need to let the long distance friend go and move on with you and your right to be happy. obviously this scenario of long distance is working against that and you're stressing a little bit despair from it all. Hope you can take this without any offense, but you need to be happy and you need to control that more than the others in your surroundings can....
Good luck! Hope this gives you enough towards more insight to help you make the right choice... =)
2007-01-25 06:36:27 · answer #5 · answered by Rmprrmbouncer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell the older man how you feel about him and the situation you are in and that you want something more consistent. Ask him what he wants. If you are both on the same page then make it work, if he doesn't want what you want let him go. You should not tell him about the other guy, you don't owe him that, it doesn't sound like you are in a relationship with this man, but if you ever want a chance at one don't tell him about the guy you dated.
2007-01-25 07:14:04 · answer #6 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I'm older and been down a long road with love. I've found ONE thing for sure. If this man at his age..isnt all over you and all about you, then he isnt the one for you. He is either married like the other answers have suggested or...he doesnt care enough. Either way and in any case..its not there.
When a man falls in love...nothing keeps him away! nothing!
2007-01-25 06:36:17 · answer #7 · answered by reclusive_n_fine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with you dating a man 46. The thing is you don't have a real relationship with this man. He gos long period of time before he calls. So why tell him about your one night stand. You really don't know where you stand with this 46yr man. So don't worry about it. Go on with your life. If this man came to you in ask for a serious relationship or just you in him then you'll know. But right now your just dating. Don't tell him, never tell him about that other guy. It's none of his business. He never made it clear to you that your his in he is yours.You have know obligation to him.In it sounds like to me you don't know a hole lot about him.In if your tried of being alone, do something about that. But think of your child first. Make sure when you do find someone he is good to your child too. In never leave your child alone to quickly with someone new you bring into the home. If you really need to know were your relationship is going with this 46yr. old man. Maybe you need to say something. In let me ask you something. Have you ever been over to his house? Has he ever invited you for the week-end? If not. The next time you talk to him say hey I was thinking if I got a baby sitter maybe I could come over for the week-end in check out your neighborhood in we can do something. Put him to the test. If you don't want to come straight out to ask him about your relationship with him. Maybe he married with children. You never know, unless you do it. I once got fooled like that. I found out he was married for 25yrs in had 5 children. In guess what I was 26yrs old in he was 45. So do your homework. go buy ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger. Its a good book. I think 10chapters in easy to read in right to the point.
2007-01-25 06:57:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be honest with both the guys.
nobody said you had to make a decision this very moment between the two.
maybe the 46 yr old doesn't know that you would like to have more of his time. talk to him.
2007-01-25 06:30:07 · answer #9 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you will have to ask him to define your relationship. Especially if you are becoming interested in someone else. You don't have to tell him what happened with your ex, but you should telll him how you feel about him and your relationship, and ask him where exactly do you fit into his life?
2007-01-25 07:10:06 · answer #10 · answered by Marlo J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋