My girlfriend knew that I slept with her friend (before we started dating). I however didn't know she knew this. I swore secrecy because her friend is with someone and doesn't want him to find out cuz they are getting married and she loves him and never meant to be with me. Her boyfriend is one of my best friends. I regret getting drunk and hooking up with her. She is a good friend of mine too. My girlfriend says she doesn't care because she wasn't with me at the time, but when she confronted me I lied then fessed up when I knew she knew. She is deeply hurt about the lie and already has trust issues because her last boyfriend cheated on her. I don't know why I lied. I felt scared I would lose her I guess. I love her very much though and begged her for forgiveness. She did not leave me over this, but I want to show her I love her and make it right. Is there anything I can do to let her know that I would never lie to her ever again and prove to her how much she means to me?
2007-01-25 06:20:02 · 6 answers · asked by stupidictomy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She said is it not the fact that it happened - she already knew that and was ok with it because it happened before we were dating, but she says the fact that I lied is a sign of my integrity, my character and she knew, but wanted to see if I would tell her the truth. After the fact she said all the trust we had is gone and without trust there is nothing left. Also said thanks for another broken heart, she missed it and now she says she is trying to work through it, but her heart is telling her to stay because she loves me and her head is telling her to get the hell out. She says she just wants some peace in her mind, now she worries and doubts all the time and she doesn't know if she can work through that and that she is going to treat me like crap and that I don't deserve that. I tell her that I do. She told me she knows what she wants and that she loves me and still even loves her ex's, but that it shouldn't have to be that way and she won't stop until she finds it. With/out me
2007-01-29 01:33:49 · update #1
First, stop beating yourself up. You know you made a mistake and there's no reversing it. Also, she needs to back it up a bit too: she lied by not revealing that she knew.
Frankly, the problem is both yours and your girlfriends. You guys need to communicate better, and that should be the basis of any discussion you have with her. The best way to prove to her how much she means to you is to be proactive about making sure this doesn't happen again. Not the cheating part (well, that too) but the lying and poor communication. Tell her lying or withholding information isn't good for either of you. Yes, you were wrong to lie, but it wasn't fair of her to set a trap for you.
Talk about ways you can communicate better and regain mutual trust. There are a number of good resources on line that can help you. Aside from that, your actions will speak volumes about how you feel.
2007-01-25 06:42:31 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me you were just trying to do what you promised you would do, which was keep a secret. Not many people are good at that, so good job for trying. I would tell your girlfriend exactly what you said here... and just assure her your ONLY reason in keeping it a secret was that you had promised her, and it was a mistake and you all didn't want anyone to be hurt. I am sure after more time together she will see she can trust you. Tell her exactly what you told us. Once cheated on, you always have that fear, when she realizes how much you do care for her, your relationship will grow.
2007-01-25 06:41:46 · answer #2 · answered by not2bright 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a mistake, (sleeping with someone she knew) then you made a second mistake in lying to her about it. I am assuming that you and she have been faithful to each other since you chose to be exclusive...right?
If this be the case, she needs to realize that time begins when the two of you made a commitment, and not before, and that it is on your current behavior that you ought to be judged....
Confess that you love her, that you lied in good faith --- to protect someone -- and she probably would have done the same....
Finally, if she cares for you, tell her to let it go. If she cannot, the two of you ought to see a counselor for a session of "When is it okay to continue to hold a grudge, and when it is better to just let it go, and get on with your relationship?"
Hopefully, she will see that we all make mistakes -- mistakes that are really outside of your usual behavior ..And that who you are is not necessarily everything in your past.....
2007-01-25 06:54:19 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without trust in a relationship, there is no credibility. Never lie to her again. Do not even lie by ommission. Open communication is the greatest form of intimacy besides sex!
2007-01-25 07:03:34 · answer #4 · answered by jrpopelcfg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her everything you just said and hope for the best, talk to her women like to communicate, be honest about how you feel!
2007-01-25 07:02:53 · answer #5 · answered by pixie1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so did you actually lie??? it sounds to me like you didn't
2007-01-25 06:45:59 · answer #6 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋