Men seem to think it's okay to confide in other women's opinions when they are having trouble in a marriage...

Question

and that's all fine and innocent....but men know that they would flip if they saw their wife talking and "confiding" in another man-friend-co-worker-student-whatever the case....even ever so innocently--but women need just as much friendship and advice from a male, don't you think?

let me re-phrase this : MY husband would flip...but anyway...I've always had male friends before marriage--now I can't even look at them!

Answer 1

I am a man and I don't think it's OK to confide in women when I'm having a problem with my wife. It's improper. I prefer to discuss these issues with serious-minded male friends I can trust. If I were you, I would consider his behavior hypocritical. I don't ask my wife to do something, or refrain from doing something, that I would handle differently myself. Maybe you could do him a favor by pointing out to him his attitude, "Do as I say, not as I do."

Answer 2

I think many women go for dumb men. If they would go for deeper men, this would be less of a problem. You'd be suprised how many men I see women fawn over who admitedly are funny and entertaining, but are immature or very shallow or self-absorbed jerks (often all three). So, in many cases the female perception of 'shallow men' comes from the men you are choosing to be with in the first place. I'm not a simple man, but I don't like to be constantly talking or worrying or stressing or complaining either. It jars my peace of mind. Sometimes you just have to relax and take it easy in life. This doesn't apply to all women either. I hate the guessing game or the passive aggressiveness of some women. I guess you can generalize this as indirectness. If you have something to say to me JUST SAY IT plainly. I prefer direct communication and if I am wrong I'll usually admit it. I would prefer to put out fires when they are small instead of letting them burn out of control due to an unwillingness to express directly what the issue is until it has become a huge problem. That's my biggest beef.

Answer 3

I don't think there's anything wrong with occasionally seeking a trusted friend's perspective - be this friend a male or a female. I believe these conversations should stay private, and there's no reason why a spouse would ever need to know they took place. My husband at times seeks his parents' opinion on certain issues we have in our marriage, and I think if I had full access to the content of these exchanges I would find them unsettling, being that the frustration tends to be exagerrated when one talks to a third party. In the same way, I sometimes vent to my friends, and I wouldn't want my husband to know what was said, regardless of whether a friend was male or female. I have male friends, and my husband doesn't have a problem with it (in fact, one of my guy friends is now becoming more of *his* friend, they e-mail each other, and I'm kind of out of the loop!) That your husband would "flip out" if he thought you were talking to a male friend is your husband's issue, not necessarily an issue of men in general (although many men, I'm sure, feel the same way he does). It sounds like your husband is on the controlling and insecure side - he builds himself up by cultivating female "friendships", but shows his control over you by "flipping out" if you do the same. I personally feel that this is not the way to handle a relationship, but to all their own.

Answer 4

You must of known your husband was that way before marriage, but you married him anyway. In now you don't like it. Your try-en to flip the scrip in you can't. But I do agree with you a man will confide in a other women when he having problem with his marriage. In that's so dangers for a men to do that. Because there are women out there who will use that, to get to him. They will find a way to say all the right words in make him feel good in he will buy into it. In that's how some affairs start. So your husband know this. In this is why most men don't like there women talking to other man. In most women don't like there husband talking to other women about there problems. Because of the snakes out there. And it might be innocent on your part or the husband, you know just to talk to someone but it's not so innocent on the other person. Because there trying to work there way in. So don't be so comfortable about your husband talking to other women about your marriage problems because there are snakes everywhere. In trust me if he does this a lot he will run into one, and if you do you might run into one too. A man snake, there out there. Look up Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger books she has some really good ones about relationships. There easy reading in right to the point.

Answer 5

From the eyes of a husband of 21 years
when you confide in your male friends and let them in on all the dirt it is easy for them to have all the answers they simply tell you what you would like to hear usually against your hubbys
there just waiting for the right time for them to make a move on the wounded wife.
PS - try talking to your husband not other men hows that for a change let him be your best friend have you ever thought about that

Answer 6

You should not be confiding anything about your marriage to ANYONE (especially of the opposite sex) other than your husband. It is a betrayal of his privacy as much as yours and also it puts you in a situation where you can begin building an emotional relationship with someone else. There is no NEED to have friends of the opposite sex, unless they are your husband's friends as well. Even then, you need to watch how much time your spending with that person. You should not be sharing with someone else your deep feelings and problems, these should be shared with your HUSBAND. If you can't trust him above all others, you shouldn't be married.

Answer 7

funny i know the feeling. As a man i have been told i am not allowed to look or talk to any women. Even co workers i am accused of sleeping with. When one of them does somethign nice, i must have given her a good time. Some woman have the same standards. What makes it extra hard is when that partner, who denies any other contact, also voids all contact with you.

Answer 8

Personally, I don't believe in doing anything in the context of a relationship that makes the person you've sworn to love feel insecure or bad. Let's face it, advice is advice...and unless that person of the opposite sex is a COUNSELOR, then it's just an excuse to have contact with someone other then your partner in an emotional intimate way (and I don't mean sexually). Do yourself and your partner a favor----talk this out reasonable, and be TRUTHFUL with your needs and wishes....I sense more here than just the need to "talk" to a guy.

Answer 9

If he is asking for other women's opinions then you should have the right to ask for other male's opinions.

Answer 10

My husband is the same way!