I live together with my mother in-law & brother in-law because my husband told me before we got married it was only temporary and because his mother was alone. Then his brother got divorced and moved back in with his mother. Now everytime I insist we move out my husband says we can't afford it. We are having financial difficulty at this moment, but I feel we shouldn't have lived with my MIL in the first place when we first got married, when we might've afforded it at the time. My husband's family comes first before our marriage and family, and all we do is fight because of this. His mother is very meddling in our child & my husband's life and his brother is the most selfish & thoughless person I know. I'm going into depression from living here and all the fights I'm having with my husband. Does anybody share what I'm going through right now? And how do you handle it? Is it selfish to want to live with your family on your own place & on your own terms because your MIL is alone?
2007-01-25 06:10:21 · 16 answers · asked by trax2345 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't live with his family, never because it causes nothing but resentment from both sides. You start saving all you can and move out, how are you in financial difficulty, are you and your husband paying all the bills. if not then your spending to much on other things that really don't need, your stuck for awhile more than likely and marriage is also in trouble. Save , save and move out if it isn't any great place at least you want see mommy and brother everyday 24 hours a day.
2007-01-25 06:28:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-16 00:45:24 · answer #2 · answered by Peter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you bring up a great point. Also, Jesus tells us that even being divorced still causes one to be an adulterer. That should be frowned upon also and condemned, yet Christians embrace remarriage. However, marriage has been redefined in the distant past. in the old testament, marriage was a personal contract between the father and the husband or husbands parents. it did not involve a priest or church to sanctify it or the government getting it's piece of the action. All old testament marriages did not involve the church or government. Jacob made a pact with his wives father to herd his sheep for a certain number of years to gain her hand in marriage. Common law marriages were the normal form of marriage when there was only the upper class rich and monarchs, and the lower class peasants. There was virtually no middle class. The rich had the fancy celebrations with the clergy and government officials present for show. The peasants, however could hardly afford to pay a priest or official to attend. So common law marriage was the common way people were married. All they had to do was live together in a committed relationship for a certain number of years and were granted all rights of marriage. Eventually, the church wanted to get a cut of the action. when the middle class grew and people could afford it and the glam of having the priest and officials of the upper class attending their wedding. So the priests forced the people to pay for the ceremony that would only sanctify the marriage and keep the couple from damnation of a non-sanctioned marriage. Later, when the church lost its ruling authority over the masses, the government was more than glad to step into this role and charge their fee for the license and ceremony to make it all legitimate. So really, living together is God's form of marriage, but people must truly be committed and not just live together for 5 years have a kid or two then meet someone else and do the same, again. That is just fornication with no commitment of the heart.
2016-03-14 23:49:12 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first husband and I went through this. Him and I lived with my parents and it was horrible. We argued all the time because my parents were always putting their inputs into everything and we didn't even want to stay in the house every night. So yes living with in-laws can ruin a marriage and your best bet would be to move out so you can have your own space and time together and not be bothered by outsiders.
2007-01-25 06:19:17 · answer #4 · answered by lessard_family 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you must tell, your husband that you and your child are first before family when you get married you are supposed to move on and if that means distancing yourself from family so be it. What I do not understand is if the brother moved home why cant he take care of mom so you guys can go start your lives elsewhere. I think you have spent enough time putting up with this living situation and must tell your husband that things must change very soon or you may have to end the marriage because the stress and fighting all the time is just to much for you to take anymore. Tell him that he must let his mom live he does not need to watch over her if anything by him staying there he is holding his mom back from maybe getting to know someone.
Its time to move out from mom's this is pathetic for him and you and raising a family.
2007-01-25 06:25:42 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it can ruin it. We had to live we my husband's parents when we first relocated for his last job. It was temporary (only a month until we closed on our home), but it was horrendous. It gave my mother-in-law the feeling she had the right to impose as she pleased. It was like she had the whole empty nest thing again when we moved into our own home. She just got so clingy to my husband it made it difficult for me to find any place in his life. We almost got a divorce (but there were other issues, too).
2007-01-25 06:22:24 · answer #6 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I feel for you! I had to deal with my mother in law for a week who tried to plan my entire wedding. She gave us $25 for the wedding. WTF? She wanted everything her way but did not help fund any of it! My father in law took care of the ceremony and my mother did the reception. All my mother in law did was complain. Thank God my husband's parents are divorced and his MIL can't afford to come visit us. Is that mean? I feel bad for complaining about one week. I tried to avoid her at all costs. I was so busy anyway and we had so many friends in town. I just spent time with friends and family and ignored her.
I have no idea what I would do if I were in your shoes. The only thing I can think of is stand up to your husband. I would make him choose between the two of you. He is a grown man who started his own family. There is no reason you should have to go through this!
2007-01-25 07:11:13 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A married couple needs their own place to live, especially a newly married couple. And yes, living with in-laws does put a strain on the marriage. My wife and I lived with her parents for one year after being married for four. I quickly realized that we needed to get out of there ASAP. There is no privacy, no intimacy and no time for the two of you. You need to tell your husband that you are ready to get a place of your own and stand firm behind it. I don't buy the "can't afford it" excuse.
2007-01-25 06:20:07 · answer #8 · answered by simple_man 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it can if they are nosy and bossy and try to butt into everything. Really though a married couple should save money and have a place for themselves even if it is a small apartment. Living with family is not usually good. You may have to get a job to help afford it... He seems to dependant and wanting to stay there.... You really need to get you all out of there and you need to see a doctor for the depression as well.
2007-01-25 06:27:12 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Living With Inlaws
2016-10-20 08:24:10 · answer #10 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋