2007-01-25 06:08:23 · 39 answers · asked by cindys424 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
okay so you guys need more details.....well I'm 27 and we've been married 6 yrs and have 3 kids. I really think the problem is he's not comfortable with his appearance and so that's what his problem is, but I can't do anything about that for him. AND in response to some of your answers, I have tried books, magazines, toys, oils, etc. NOTHING works!!! Yes, our relationship is rocky but if there were better sex who knows what could happen.
2007-01-25 06:29:02 · update #1
talk to him about it.
maybe he doesn't know.
he might be receptive to your ideas.
perhaps leave sex magazines, instruction books or sex novels around where he would see them.
tc
2007-01-25 06:14:33 · answer #1 · answered by timc_fla 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Cindy,
You do not say what it is your looking for in bed. How long you've been married or basically anything to base a good argument on. At some point you did not feel this way because you maried him for life right? Maybe...Your the problem? There should be some give and take in your relationship and most importantly, you should learn how to communicate with your spouse. Try that. Get a book on renewing the "fire"(romance) in your life, try a new approach, and realize that it is better to give than to recieve, You will reap the benefits.
2007-01-25 06:21:48 · answer #2 · answered by Forargumentssake 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You alreday mentioned that you think you know the problem "uncomfortable with his appearance". This might be giving him low esteemmalong with the fact I am sure that you are unhappy sexually with Him. Why don't you try lifting his self esteem a bit and heard a sex therapist once say "even if he is not good in bed men always like toohear from the women that they are heroes great" It seems ridiculous to fool men like that because they can continue being lousy and not meeting your needs but you are married with 3 children and these have to be taken into consideration along with his pros. Nobody has a perfect life after all. Weigh his pros and cons and see if he is worth it.
2007-01-25 09:14:34 · answer #3 · answered by samah a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're not interesting in bed. Ever consider that?
I'm a great lover, but I've been with a couple of women that were so unimaginative or repressed that sex with them was second choice to visiting a dentist.
Ok, so let's assume it's not you. If that's the case. get some educational tapes from the back of Playboy or Penthouse and watch them together. Read Penthouse forum letters together and talk about what sounds fun and what sounds like it's just wrong.
Tell him that his lovemaking needs to improve and that as your husband he needs to learn the ropes of making you happy in bed. Start teaching him.
Quality lovemaking takes communication, imagination, knowledge, experimentation, and practice. I don't know of any skill that doesn't require all these components. You're not a good or great lover just because you can get an erection and stick it in. Nor are you a good or great lover just because you have a vagina and let someone stick it in.
2007-01-25 06:23:41 · answer #4 · answered by Hank Hill 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the answer isn't always in the element of toys, books, and movies, maybe it could lie deeper than just a quick fix sexually. If he is uncomfortable with himself why not do things to make "him" feel sexy. Leave love notes, e-mails, etc.. to let him know it's more than just the sex or "great sex" your after. Let him know you want all of him all the time and the more he feels your emotional closeness, the more he will want to be closer in bed.. Sex is only about 2% physical and the rest is purely emotional. You have to feel the connection, before you can "make" the connection....
2007-01-25 06:55:55 · answer #5 · answered by Home Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with him, encorage him. Because if he doesn't feel confident about himself, you need to compliment him, make him feel confident. I think your putting way too much importance on sex. There's alot more to marriage than sex.
But communication is the key, you need to sit down and talk with him and tell him calmly without trying to hurt his feelings.
Don't say, look here it is, you suck in bed. Tell him nicely your area's of concern. And go from there, to try and find some middle ground.
Also I think your sounding selfish, put him and his feelings and needs first. Hopefully he does the same for you as well.
And to all the people who said divorce, shame on you. This is something that they as a couple can overcome. That's the problem, people see a little problem and they automatically scream divorce.
No wonder marriages don't last anymore, there's no commitment to making them last.
2007-01-25 06:37:34 · answer #6 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you'll hear a lot of comments - from plain stupid to lude to intelligent and genuine ones.
To a great extent much of the motivation we get in doing things is from within. I need to have that desire and willingness and drive to please you and get pleased by you. It's hard to take someone that just isn't into it and make him a great sexual person.
There are little things that you can try. Some men do get turned on and respond better to say, talking nasty or erotic to them. Sometimes, you might even have to make him or guide him to be teasing and playful with you. But, almost everytime after that you tend to become the initiator. He'll expect you to initiate and be different every time. And that can be frustrating to you as well.
Hopefully, he'll begin to realize and understand your passion and intense desires and begin to respond to you. Wish you good luck darling :-)
Feel free to IM/email me if you'd like to share more thoughts on this subject.
2007-01-25 06:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is your fault because a key concept in marriage is open communication...you've allowed things to get out of hand by not saying anything in fear of hurting his feelings...truth is ou should have been honest with him a while ago....you don't have to say it in a way that will destroy his ego or anything...in fact you can say "honey can we try something different and suggest a few ideas...you can spice things up on your end too by being creative with costumes, toys, oils et. many times we rely on the guy to make things interesting and the truth is most time they don't even have a clue!!! they need help and that's what we are here for ...we are the creative side of our spouse.... venture out try new things ...he'll find it intriguing!!!
2007-01-25 06:15:53 · answer #8 · answered by Mary S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Buy a sex book to read together. Go to a sex shop and buy an enhancing toy for him to use on you.
Don't be afraid to try new things and talk to him while you're having sex...tell him what you want. Most guys like it when their woman speaks up and gets aggressive in bed.
The more you "coach" him the more you'll be satisfied
if he wonders why you're doing all this just tell him you're wanting to be expiramental.
2007-01-25 06:14:39 · answer #9 · answered by GrayMatters 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried some books? There are a couple of books tht you can get that have envelopes and only women or men get to open them and do what the message says. Or try a game. Not a cheesy one but a real good one that is erotic.
2007-01-25 06:13:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Buy him a copy of The Woodnymphs CD - you can get it from www.thewoodnymphs.co.uk - four sexy, funny short stories about the activities of woodnymphs (who wait in the woods and then take men captive to use as the means to satisfy their sensual delights). If that doesn't turn him on - and turn him on to new things, all in the best possible taste - you should probably book his place in the local funeral parlour. (Bad joke - sorry).
2007-01-25 06:15:38 · answer #11 · answered by mrsgavanrossem 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋